I'd like to comment on two of the issues raised here.
Firstly the reading thing. You have described my DS(7) almost exactly! And for a long time we suspected Dyslexia. Now we are not sure because as was pointed out to us, he is smart enough to find a way to work around that and so even a really good tester will not pick it up now. Having said that, he is a whole word reader and phonics just never made sense to him. He was reading simple readers at the start of pre school (here that is age 3) and was then made to spend months learning phonic sounds etc before being allowed to have more early readers. Perhaps if the phonic thing doesn't work for him try whole word?
The second thing is the school vs. homeschool thing. While there may well be benefits to schooling, if YOU want to homeschool then homeschool for that reason. You don't need to justify your reasons. You had a very similar experience to my oldest son - and I remember very well those exhausting moments of anguish and temper. The last one we had I got a black eye and he tried to choke me. I cannot fathom the level of desperation he must have felt to do that. I simply cannot go back to that - I don't think he or I will survive that again, and at the beginning of homeschooling my husband made comments here and there about school and I would just remind him of the tantrums, the bed-wetting and bad dreams, the loss of appetite, the anxiety (we still have some signs of it nearly 2 years later), the costs of the 9 months of play therapy and so forth.
In your case, I would suggest that 5 is so young still - stay home for another year (or 2) and then see how it's going. This will give your husband a chance to see how things are progressing at home - and you can keep reminding him of how far your son has come from those angry, anxious days.
I often snap photos with my phone and send them straight to hubby during the day to show what we are doing and how happy my kids are. And now he is as equally committed to homeschooling as I am.
All the best for making your decisions!
