DS23mo is a classic introvert and needs time and space to warm to new activities and environments. In group settings, he prefers to sit to the sidelines and observe carefully, as though he is internalizing the activity and harmonizing himself with it.
When presented with new activities, even one-on-one with me, he prefers to see the process from start to finish before actively engaging. Then, once his understanding of the activity or concept is well formed, he dives in confidently and enthusiastically and performs effectively flawlessly.
At home, this poses no problem. DH and I simply respect whatever boundaries DS sets and let him determine his own pace. I do try to encourage attempting challenging activities before mastery because I believe persistence is a valuable trait to inoculate against perfectionism.
Where the situation gets sticky is in group activities around young children (say, aged 2 to 4). The problems that arise tend to fall into these camps:
1. DS senses someone has invaded his personal space and feels threatened.
2. Other child is eager to play with DS and/or his toy, while DS would prefer to be alone or take time to warm up to the child before socializing.
3. DS is bothered by lots of movement and noise made by people around him when in relatively enclosed spaces.
I'm realizing how ingrained the expectation of extraversion is in western socialization. I can commiserate with all 3 situations, so much so that I'm beginning to question my self-concept as an extrovert.
DS has considerable verbal fluency, so we've been working on talking through his feelings and desires when other children. But at 2-4, not many children understand his requests, let alone respect them. He will say things like:
"I need more space please."
"I don't want to play, thank you."
"Please don't touch me."
"I am using my [insert toy]. You can't have it."
"Please go away."
Yesterday poor DS became inconsolable when two little boys began following him around the park trying to (not maliciously) take his toy away. He went through all the language above, then turned to me and began crying. The other parents had such little control over their children, even when I confronted them, that DS and I had to leave to give him the space he needed. This was after I had to physically prevent them from reaching DS.
We had a discussion on the walk to a quieter park about how it's okay to withdraw from an over-stimulating situation, and I explained to him that other young children are just learning to talk and may not understand him. I encouraged him to continue to use his words and praised him effusively for speaking his needs plainly and respectfully. He really was clear.
Any recommendations from veterans on managing respect for introverts in the outside world would be terrific. I'd also be keen to hear of any books on raising introverts that you folks might recommend.
Thanks so much!
