Originally Posted by DeeDee
Originally Posted by moomin
I've also vowed that I'm not going to being consequences for school behavior home this year, as this has made little to no difference in the past.

This is a good plan. If school won't find an effective way to solve school problems, it's next to impossible to solve those problems from home. You need the whole school team on board.

DeeDee

I agree with this too - and I hope the school team is able to come up with accommodations that are effective. The one tiny thing that I'd add is that while I wouldn't use consequences at home for school behavior, I would talk to my child about appropriate behavior at school. I realize you must be doing this moomin, but for instance, chair-throwing - you can have empathy and understanding for why your dd threw the chair - I can see my impulsive dd doing something like this because she's mad, frustrated and her body "just does it" without thinking - but I also need to work with her (talk through it) to help her understand it's not appropriate behavior no matter how frustrated she is. You throw a chair and someone can get hurt - even if you don't throw it purposely at another person and you're just throwing it because you're mad. My youngest dd does lash out with her body when she's upset - and she is an anxious child who gets upset. WIth her we have to work in parallel paths - one path is working on understanding the anxiety - where it comes from, what triggers it, etc - and the parallel path that we work at the same time is how to control her frustration and anger so that she doesn't get in trouble, and so that she doesn't accidentally hurt someone else.

I am so happy for your dd that her day appears to be going well today - I hope she enjoys her new friends and school gets better smile

Best wishes,

polarbear

ps - don't know if this would happen with your dd or not, but I can see my anxious dd saying that she'd been sent to the "bad chair" and had a teacher say she was "bad" in front of the class - not because the teacher had specifically used the word "bad" but because she (my dd) *felt* bad during the event. So the suggestion from the teacher isn't a word, it's in the teacher's actions and how they are internalized by the student.

Last edited by polarbear; 08/23/13 12:11 PM.