Welcome JenT! I recognise some of what you say from my own childhood - but not from my own DS, and I'd be very concerned in your place. OTOH, it sounds as though you're already doing most of the things that might help. I wonder whether the psychologist was just trying to reassure you that his perception of reality is OK, he isn't psychotic? Otherwise, being unconcerned seems an odd reaction to someone having a really hard time, tbh.
The one thing you didn't mention in your post was your DS's educational situation. Many of my problems were (I think) caused by substituting perfectionism for real challenge because I couldn't get any of the latter (and didn't know how to handle it anyway). How is he getting on at school (if he's in school) and how does he feel about it? Could there be some of that for him? I could imagine that a writing aversion might make it very difficult to get him proper differentiation or acceleration if he needs it, but that could be a chicken and egg situation.
