hi MorningStar! i've recently found two practical ways to work on getting my little clam (DD5) to open up. i get her started on something quiet like colouring, and then start asking a range of questions - keeping the conversation quite light in the beginning but gently steering it toward deeper stuff. it's interesting - having an occupation like colouring seems to allow her to be slightly distanced from the conversation if/when she hits difficult emotions.
the other thing that works is to engage her on open-ended questions while we're driving somewhere - it needs to be a decent-length trip, but i think there's something about the fact we're both facing forward that frees her up to talk more frankly. it's probably the same principle at work with the colouring - we can talk without her having to make eye contact and i think it all feels less emotionally charged.
hope this helps and good luck!
You're 100% correct in your conclusion. You've independently discovered something here that's formally taught to people who deal with children that have been subjected to traumatic experiences. These children will often relax their guard and open up in situations where they don't have to confront eye contact. Driving is a specific example given. Art projects or other activities that keep the hands busy and the eyes away will also do.
Not saying this child we're talking about here is traumatized, but this can work with any child who feels reluctant to open up.
