Hi Dude,
Yes the ignoring part comes after the concern has been addressed. It is something we are finding helpful with chronic repeat sorts of worries.
It really is not true for my particular DS that "it can only increase their anxiety if nobody in a position of power is even listening". It is the opposite for DS for his particular style of chronic repetitive worry.
For these repeat sort of reflexive worries saying something like, "Yes I washed it" does not head anything off. For him it amplifies things by prolonging my participation in his internal conversation, it adds weight to it and makes him feel his internal reflexive thought, "my apple has cooties" is valid.
Me saying, "yes I washed it" would then lead to, "yes I washed it well" and to, "yes it is an organic apple" on to, "yes I'm sure because we only buy organic apples", "well I don't know, we could look that up on google if you want to", etc. A similar exchange would happen every single time I handed him an apple, because he feels worry every single time he looks at an apple and it comes out as questions. At some point ignoring it is what we have come up with as most helpful to for decreasing his level of worry. If instead of answering his apple question I say, "Do you want some milk with that" or "hey guess what I saw today", it distracts him from the anxious thought.
On the other hand, with a new worry such as happens when he accidently overhears a wisp of a very adult discussion (did you hear so and so has breast cancer, he wonders is that contagious?), talking to him and answering any questions he has is very helpful. In that situation engaging and talking about it does decrease further worry for him.
