On the one hand, we have to remember that other parents' overriding concern is their own child. The girl who was bullying Hanni? I've known and loved her since she was a baby, but I actually found myself thinking, "So this is how it feels to want to kill a four year old." That girl's own issues and challenges were a distant, distant speck on the horizon in my mental landscape. Our children need support and advocacy and allies, but the parents of other children (who are being affected by our children) are not neccessarily the place to find that.
I wouldn't rule it out, though. I have found it truly worthwhile to invest time and thought in other people's kids (by volunteering strategically for things where I get to engage with them, Junior Great Books, clubs, etc.). Those parents know me, know I'm not evil, know I genuinely appreciate their kids' strengths and challenges; and they have some sense (whether explicitly or implicitly) that DS has lots of struggles. I have found that those parents whose kids I've invested some attention in are incredibly willing to understand our challenges.
On the other hand, there are all kinds of attitudes that go way beyond the bounds of the parent putting their own child first, and enter the realm of intrusiveness and offensiveness.
Yep. Some people appear to feel they have all the answers. I sure don't. But over time, the people who sympathize with us have gravitated toward us (or us to them), and those who don't care for us don't really have to talk with us... it has kind of shaken out into something livable over time.
It does get easier as the kids get older, too, because more of the moms who were so high-strung about making everything perfect have faced more challenges-- almost nobody gets to middle school without some interesting thing to face-- and so the conversations are more sympathetic. MegMeg, you're at the hardest age for the judgmental stuff. It *should* get better, if my community is any indicator.
DeeDee
