KJP, it sounds like you are pursuing all avenues and doing a really, really great job. And it is a full time job.
Last year my now dd7 was skipped from 1/2 day K to 1st in March. The principal has a rep for being very anti-skipping, so it was a big deal (that pissed some other parents off in our neighborhood school that uses the W&M gifted curriculum across the board, but no gifted services beyond that.)
My daughter has Asperger's, sensory, and vision/convergence issues. The school viewed her as MG (since tested as DYS eligable) requiring no IEP/504, etc. "She's not even on the radar. We have kids here with real problems." I was really cautious about not being "that parent" so I gave things months when they should have been addressed that day. Regarding getting appropriate math via worksheets, I was told "That would be too much work for the teacher. She does have 24 other kids, you know. Besides, what would your dd do next year." I finally requested a formal, in writing "full evaluation per IDEA" and suddenly dd was on their radar. Once a psychologist asked if she was in the right grade, they offered an immediate grade skip. Unfortunately, other things weren't addressed and we took a "wait and see" approach due to the skip. This pushed the actual IEP meeting to a couple days before the end of school and I was completely pressured to accept what they offered. Which was a list of things my daughter was supposed to work on, with basically no help and documented via observation that was supposed to spontaneously happen. Things that she was actually already doing, but that took place during things like lunch and recess (major challenges for Aspies) when her main teacher wasn't present.
Ugh, sorry for the novella . . . but . . .
I didn't find out how hard things were for dd until the day before the IEP meeting (not for lack of trying, on my part.) One heartbreaking day I asked dd about her day and she slumped down in the dining room chair while picking at her snack and said "I don't want to talk right now. I had a really rough day." She was only 6, sigh. When asked what that meant she said she had cried twice that day and she usually only cried once.
I had planned to homeschool the following January after I finished an MFA program, but realized that I just couldn't send her back. The things that the school saw as "problems to be solved" were that dd, very creatively, tried to alter assignments to play to her strengths while still meeting the requirements. Such as writing about her actual experiences with frogs rather than copying facts straight from the book. Basically, we could get her to fit in, at the expense of the creativity that is prized later in life, when it can't really be taught.
Ultimately, the thought of her spending over half of her waking hours with people who might see her as a burden with a psycho mother rather than the fascinating, insightful, if challenging, delight that she can be was not something that I could stomach.
I was pretty terrified of homeschooling her, given her intensity, curiosity, and energy. But I hadn't realized that, since she spent every bit of her coping allotment holding herself together at school and letting loose at home where is was "safe," it really wasn't harder being with her all day. And, since she was so much more relaxed, her amazingly fun and delightful side got tons of room to shine.
At this point, I couldn't possibly send her back to school, and am completely at peace with my decision to put my final semester on hold. There are still many, many challenges. But I think a number of them are related to my wanting things to be easier for her and trying to protect her, rather than fully accepting how things are. Full disclosure, we have been able to find amazing homeschool groups full of 2e kids and that has been wonderful, if exhausting given all of the group activity options.
And this isn't even addressing the issue that she is now actually learning tons at her pace. We are pretty much unschooling, with whatever bits of curriculum that strike our fancy. I am pretty waffly as to whether I should push certain things like rote math, so that the she can enjoy her gifts of conceptual math that are far above her mechanics. Or just wait until she realizes the benefits of putting in the effort to make that happen. I hope that makes sense.
Short version: If you can possibly homeschool, try it.
Best of luck to you!!!
PS: She and I both struggle with names and faces. It is a major liability in life. I don't know whether to introduce myself to people or address them with a hearty "Great to see you again!" Thus, I constantly have a deer in headlights look in social situations. Once it registers who they are, I can remember to ask about their knee surgery or dog's hernia.
Oddly, dd and I tend to remember clothing and jewelry. (superficial much?)
