We are just back from a 2 week vacation - one of those "bucket list" trips many people hope to make before they die. For the most part I was able to escape thinking about all of this but had a couple of experiences (once dining with a special ed teacher and another time with an assistant superintendent from a large school district) where we discussed DD's situation. The looks on the faces of these people with many decades of experience who had never heard of anything like what we are experiencing really brought home just how much she is dealing with. Even on vacation I felt a bit overwhelmed at times. It came as such a relief to get back and find this thread - it reminds me that others understand what we are experiencing and are dealing with the same thing.
Yes we too were told that DD was "indulged" and "padded" (nicer I guess than "spoiled" which is what they clearly wanted to say) and had both her giftedness and disabilities denied at first. I think when you are dealing with people who are less than ideally qualified they can't understand that a child can be gifted but unable to perform at grade level because of another exceptionality. They can't understand it so we the parents *must* be delusional, or worse. DD was penalized for her disabilities - losing playground privileges in kindergarten when she couldn't write out sentences, having her anxiety response publicly punished as bad behavior in first grade and just 2 weeks ago having a substitute para - who was assigned to scribe for her - insist that she do all her own writing because she was just being "lazy" and trying to avoid doing her schoolwork. So yes that "e" most definitely is overshadowed by the "E". And we still have a classroom teacher and principal that just don't get it.
The psych working with DD attended an IEP meeting last fall and told me afterwards that her "heart was breaking" for me. I was surprised because by the time she became involved we had gotten things back on track and the meeting she attended was actually a good, productive one. (I wish she had been at the one where the principal insisted that DD's disabilities "are her problem, not ours. She just needs to get over it.") She explained that she knew what we HAD to go through to get to the point we are now. She said that the parents, especially the mother, HAS to be seen as crazy at first. It is always that way. The parents just have to dig in our heels and hold on while we battle to get our kids what they need. I don't know why it has to be that way but from what she was saying, and what I have read on here, it certainly seems that way.
I started out trying very hard to maintain a good relationship with everyone at school. I was so very appreciative for all they were doing for DD. Then things turned a corner and the principal started going out of her way to make DD's situation even harder than it needed to be. I was clearly labeled "crazy" and was seen as exaggerating DD's situation. Her disabilities were becoming more obvious and the spec ed teacher was confirming them. The giftedness, though, had to be my imagination. We then got a third set of test results that showed the same split - 44 points between verbal comprehension and visual perception. The neuropsych used terms like "gifted" and "truly exceptional" in his report. Her scores ranged from above the 99th percentile to below the first percentile. No one can deny it anymore. No one treats me like I am crazy anymore. And they know that I will hold them fully accountable - they used up all opportunities for benefit of the doubt by allowing the principal to behave the way she did. Everyone understands now but it doesn't mean that what we went through goes away.
More and more people at DD's school understand her situation and the district is providing every conceivable service to her. It helps to not be seen as crazy anymore but DD's situation still remains very, very difficult. I can only hope that with continued spec ed support, assistive technology and the passage of time DD's "e" can be more important than her "E". For now, though, it seems like the disabilities are the primary focus. If we can't get them remediated it will be even harder for the giftedness to shine through.
Oh, we also have no memory for names. Unless a kid is in the "BFF" category or DD has known them at least half her life they tend to be "the new girl", "that boy with the missing tooth" or "I don't remember her name".
