Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Is it perfectionism??

I'm trying to figure this out. My son (11) loves to play games. He honestly doesn't care much about winning; he plays for the fun of it. He doesn't seem very much a perfectionist when it comes to schoolwork - most of it is sloppy and bare minimum. His SS teacher is constantly writing "elaborate", "explain", "more detail" on his papers. He enjoys playing baseball but won't practice; same with music and karate. He puts no effort into boy scouts but just goes to the meetings and activities and has fun. So all these things seem to point away from perfectionism. Seems like he'd work hard on it if he were seeking perfection??

However, there are things that might be perfectionistic. When my parents were here over the holidays, they asked him to play piano and horn for them. He played one song on the piano and did well but then goofed up the next two he tried. My mom said "just play with the music" and so he tried that and messed up and just gave up. Same with his horn. Now I'm wondering if maybe this aversion to practicing has something to do with being a perfectionsist?? My husband thinks sometimes that son doesn't want to put any work into anything because he's afraid of succeeding. But, he does these piano recitals and ensemble groups and says he loves them and does well. He gets so upset when he gets in trouble or when he's not doing what he's supposed to be doing, maybe he thinks his behavior should be perfect? Is that why he says "I'm stupid"? His piano teacher pointed out that although he seems to show a lot of confidence when playing the piano for a group, he obviously lost that when playing for his grandparents. She thinks he puts too much pressure on himself.

One math teacher pointed out that when he makes a mistake in math, he'll drop his head and berate himself.

Anybody have a simple way to tell if it is perfectionism? Am I missing something that's right in front of my eyes?

Oh, and he loves to read but he seems to read the same things over and over again. He seems to have trouble picking out new books. Almost like he's afraid to try something new. But, for example, at baseball, the coach asked for a volunteer to do something and son volunteered for it not having any idea what the activity was going to be. So, he wasn't afraid to try something new there. I'm so confused!