DeeDee--she also has difficulty making friends with some kids and behaving in socially appropriate ways (although she has a handful of BFFs--if she gets along with a kid, they usually get along great and can resolve disagreements without help). She usually overreacts if there is a change in plan so that she doesn't get, or get to do, something she was really looking forward to (i.e., pitches a fit)--but not all the time; she doesn't have a problem in changes with routine. So there are definitely some ASD-type issues, but we only see social issues, not the repetitive/restricted stuff in the "B" part of the DSM list. But these social issues can be managed, and we manage them at home with reminders and incentives/disincentives--to Howler's point, she very definitely can and does try to get away with doing what she wants, and explores the limits with every adult she knows. So the teachers she had in the past who called her on her behavior right away and had some incentives saw (from what we heard) much better behavior overall although there were still some problems with her hugging other kids too much, overreacting to joking/teasing, etc. that needed guidance and correction. She has an excellent abstract understanding of what is appropriate, but seems unable to put it into practice in the moment, which I think can easily be confused with what I think is the other part of just not caring about other people's priorities and wishes--which I kind of think of as the 'gaming' behavior, because she often gets more of what she wants that way. It's kind of funny, too, trying to explain this in a polite way to babysitters--but at least that's only for a couple of hours, so she can't do too much damage
This discussion has been really helpful, though, in crystallizing what I think we need to do next, although it doesn't really solve our problems with finding a good school for her--we don't have too many options here.
