You can't parent a child this far out from the mean with advice/parenting tools intended for the center of the distribution.
It simply doesn't work.
BTDT. We simply parent the child that we have. Most of the time, this means flying by the seat of our pants, wing-and-a-prayer... well, all those other cliches.
She is
miserable when in an inappropriate educational environment, and at some point that begins to spill into every other aspect of her life as well. That road probably leads ultimately to inpatient care for either affective disorder or an eating disorder-- we were well on our way two years ago with our then-11yo DD.
While other people may question our sanity with a 4yr acceleration... and ask "well what about {future}??" as if we haven't really thought things through...
the bottom line is that we HAVE thought things through, and while that thought has lurked and taunted us, as well; we are really just trying to avoid the major pitfalls on both sides of our path RIGHT NOW. Nobody else can really understand what it is like to have school destroy your child's emotional/mental health unless they've been through it themselves.
Cultivate compassion and social awareness, certainly. But don't waste energy thinking too hard about how "odd" this much acceleration is. If you do that, you'll freak yourself out, and it seems clear from your interactions with others who know your child-- and from your child's transformation-- that it's the right thing at least on some level.
Evaluate options based on what offers the
least worst outcomes/environments. There is no "perfect" for children like yours and mine. There is only 'hopefully good enough.' Ironically, parenting my perfectionist is doing a real number on my OWN perfectionism.
Trust your gut and parent your child with love (and sometimes-- tough love, if that's what your gut is telling you). That's my advice.
