Hi, MON--
I totally hear you on the weariness. This stuff is so taxing.
First thought: have you ever worked with a professional advocate? Hiring one was the best move I ever made with respect to schooling for my 2E DS9. She talks to school and district people before meetings, articulates the needs, negotiates behind the scenes, offers evidence-- so that the actual meetings go smoothly, because all the groundwork has been laid already. She has done a great job getting principals and teachers to understand that a person can be gifted AND disabled at the same time. We have gotten much better response from the school since we started using our advocate. One who is experienced in your district is best if you can swing it.
Second, related to first thought: do you have an outside professional (therapist, educational expert, neuropsychologist) who can educate the school folks directly? Because they clearly don't understand the needs at all. We bring our private therapist to IEP meetings; he is a nice, evidence-based, reasonable help to the school and they respect him.
Perhaps biggest: it sounds to me as though your DS should qualify for an IEP, and receive direct services to remediate. Participation is both an academic and a functional skill; if his participation problems are the result of disabling anxiety, the school should be working on it through direct instruction as well as supporting his efforts in a positive way across the day. The writing instruction, likewise-- they are responsible for teaching organization of content, etc., and if he struggles with that he should be receiving direct instruction. An IEP would get him the direct instruction.
If you think he needs an IEP, you follow the directions in From Emotions to Advocacy, write a letter requesting a complete educational evaluation, and listing every issue you can think of. They have to do it within 60 school days-- not enough time to fix this year, but maybe enough to get them primed to fix next year.
In any case, whether you want to fight the IEP battle or not, I think your best bet at getting something appropriate is to bring the right private professionals to bear on the problem.
HTH,
DeeDee
