Hi Mumofthree,
Just my 2pworth, but your DD sounds stressed out and to me that means she's not ready, even if she can tell when she's going to go and hold it. I'd back off completely, and in the meantime try to be very calm and matter-of-fact, to avoid reinforcing any impression she has that poo is yucky and touching toilets will make you ill and all that scary stuff. Worth bearing in mind that there are many fewer bacteria on the average toilet seat than on the average computer keyboard, and potties are designed to be easy to clean perfectly. I distinctly remember my DS wearing his potty as a hat some time during the process. It had been washed since being used, so why not? :-)
Also, slightly tangentially, several people have written about their children being dry day and night. Worth bearing in mind that being dry at night requires not only the commitment to going to the toilet last thing and also if they wake and need it, but also sufficient levels of a hormone, ADH, that very young children don't have. Children vary wildly in when they start to have enough of that to be physically able to stay dry at night (ISTR that girls are typically much earlier than boys, though).
