Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Getting bullied because of gifts....

Thanks for the comments everyone. There are a lot of people trying to help the young girl through this, the school, parents, and doctors are at work with her. I have little control what happens on that side of the coin. She was temporarily removed from the school, but is being transitioned back in, so I am trying to come up with all my tools to help my child.

Eyreapparent hit it on the head with her comments about making sure my child takes care of herself first. Her teachers and I are both working on this angle with her. That will be our battle. The books are a welcome suggestion indigo, I already went to the library and checked out a few.

The girls are in a very small school, so separation is near impossible. This is a school for gifted only, so they are all made of the same cloth. It is a very difficult situation. I, too, have empathy for the other family involved, because I think we have all been in their shoes to some extent with our overly sensitive kiddos.

I just really appreciate all the comments on here. Sometimes it just feels so lonely walking this walk........

and and Some may say this is a microcosm of what is occurring on a societal level.

Unfortunately, much of society's response to date has been to cut down tall poppies. A better response is needed and would be beneficial to all, from the most gifted individual striving to develop her gifts, to the bully who learns to accept that she is a unique individual with her own strengths, talents, and challenges... different not "less than".

Please continue to encourage your daughter to always be/do her best! Understanding and maintaining healthy personal boundaries may be key.

Exactly.

I'd also be concerned that the "lessons" that your daughter is learning here will eventually translate into later romantic interactions-- this is a real worry, as girls do very definitely tend to incorporate peer interactions learned in their pre-teens into later intimate relationship patterns.

Someone who uses your child as a supply of-- well, whatever-it-is-- by taking advantage of her innate empathetic qualities is particularly bad news because that is a serious vulnerability that makes empathetic people the ultimate 'bait' for those with certain personality disorders that lead to interpersonally exploitative interactions with others.


Don't even ask how I know this-- I sure wish that I did not.

I strongly encourage you to consider YOUR child's need to learn to place boundaries. STRONGLY encourage. This is going to need to be something that the adults in her life HELP HER WITH, by supporting her efforts to properly and assertively advocate for her own needs.

Empathetic/helper kids tend to have soft boundaries interpersonally, and grade-accelerated children with that profile are particularly vulnerable to exploitation by older peers.

Sounds like the adults in the situation are all on the right track. For your DD, I'd recommend martial arts*. A nurturing dojo (not a violent fight club or an impersonal chain) can be a wonderful place for learning about confidence, personal space, setting boundaries, dealing with conflict, etc. Your DD will gain valuable tools that can serve her well through the rest of her life.

I swear this is probably the fourth or fifth time I've recommended martial arts here... sorry for being a broken record. In fact, I'd recommend it for the other little girl as well (though not at the same place obviously!). It's a great way to learn self control, channel angry feelings, and sooth anxiety in a safe setting.

Thanks everyone. I must, must, must help my daughter learn the tools necessary to deal with these things to her best interest. She must (in this case) put herself first. Last night we had a discussion about this very thing and she said, "but Mom that would be selfish". NO, NO, NO....it is NOT selfish to take care of yourself.

I received terrible news this morning from a dear, dear friend whose gifted grandson took is own life last night. I am heartbroken. I am concerned beyond measure for all the tall poppies. I am at a loss.

would it help your DD to look at it from the lens of - if she does not help herself first, she can not help others (yes, sort of like that emergency demo they do on airplanes - put the O2 mask on yourself first, then help someone else.) Similar to if you (mom/dad) can not take care of yourself, it would be hard to take care of your family and others you care about.

I am sorry to hear about your friend's grandson.

Getting bullied because of gifts came to mind as I read this article on leadership from a weekly digest subscription of Tim Elmore's work.

Rather than focus on the detractor's poor choices, this article affirms that being a standout may make a person a target, and encourages being well-grounded. The function of a lightening rod is discussed. Kids can gain a sense of strength from knowing that great leaders throughout history have received criticism, some of which may be unwarranted. A list of 9 tips is provided which may help avoid internalizing unfounded negatives. Tips include

In the context of this thread, we've been asked to help provide a parent with any ideas to help a child who has been getting bullied because of gifts. An article which happened to land in my e-mail inbasket contained a few thoughts which may be of help to a parent in assisting their child to avoid internalizing such negatives. The purpose of the article which I shared was not to diagnose or treat the bully.

Nonetheless, I find your linked resources interesting, especially in light of this post upthread, reflecting on society.

In the context of the current thread, a child having "a true screaming tantrum, tears, et, with words to the effect that why is my child so much better, different, smarter" does not appear to be striving to increase their own personal social power. Attempting to increase one's social power may be the aim of the type of girl bullying which consists of manipulation and undermining, covered by books such as Odd Girl Out and Queen Bees and Wannabees, shared in this post.

The National Crime Prevention Council provides resources for kids, featuring McGruff the crime dog, on safety, including tips on how to handle bullying: http://mcgruff.org/