I've recently noticed what I believe are some social issues with DD10. I don't really know if this is just age related girl issues or due to her giftedness, but she is "different" and "quirky", so I'm leaning more towards this being a gifted social issue. I guess it could be a little of both.
We (DH and I) have always had some concerns about her social skills, but any time (over the years) we have asked her teachers or daycare providers they have told us she seems to be fine - she plays with the other kids and gets along okay.
These are just two situations I've witnessed within the last couple weeks -
1. DD had a new outfit she had been waiting for the right opportunity to wear. She finally decided to wear it to a summer-school day program with K-5th graders. There were about 8-10 kids milling around when I dropped DD8 and DD10 off. DD10 immediately turned to DD8 when it was time to get out of the vehicle and asked if she was coming - like DD10 needed backup from little sister. They got out of the car and DD8 walked right up to the other kids and started talking with them. FWIW - these are kids my kids have known all through their school years and some even before then. DD10 stood off to the side looking all smiley and hopeful, but slightly nervous. I could tell she was just waiting for someone to mention her outfit and maybe tell her they liked it, etc. Pretty soon when no one came up to her she crossed her arms over her chest and moped off. It about broke my heart and I could completely tell what was going on in her head. I asked her later that day if anyone said anything about her outfit and she told me a couple of the adults working the program said they liked it and a girl in K did too.
2. DD10 had a softball game and was getting ready to warm up. She was called over by the coach to practice pitching with the other pitchers and after she had her turn pitching the coach told her to go play catch with the other players warming up out in the field. The other girls were all paired up throwing back and forth, so DD walked up to a couple girls (these were girls younger than DD10 that she has known for years) expecting them to play catch with her like the coach said. They wouldn't throw her the ball, so she just kept holding out her glove when girl 1 would throw the ball then again when girl 2 threw the ball. Each time girl 1 threw to girl 2 and girl 2 threw back to girl 1 and neither would throw to DD10. After holding her glove up and "calling" for the ball about 6-8 times, she threw her hands up and started to walk off. I again felt horrible for her, and maybe I shouldn't have, but I got up from the bleachers and went down to the field (this is small time recreation ball and parents are pretty involved). I grabbed a ball and said loud enough for all to hear - "I'll play catch with you!" I asked her after the game what was going on and she said they just wouldn't play catch with her and the coach had told her to play catch with them, so she was following his directions. She said she even told them that the coach told her to play catch with them and that didn't do her any good.
These two incidents have really opened my eyes! I do think DD10 has some lacking social skills, but I have no idea how to help her. I've tried to give her suggestions on what to do next time or how she could of handled things differently. I want her to be able to feel confident and stand up for herself, but when I give her suggestions on how to be more assertive she looks at me like I'm crazy thinking she would ever be able to do what I've suggested.
I probably was a lot like her and if these things had happened to me I would have just went on and ignored it. I always played with the boys which is what I always tell both my girls to do - if the other little girls are creating drama then go play with the boys. The difference between DD10 and me when I was that age is that I had a passion for sports and was a "go-getter". Being good at sports and working hard at it probably helped me socially. I was always asked to play up with the older girls and my hustle earned me their respect. DD10 doesn't have that same passion and is in her own little world a lot of the time when she is out on the field. She was spacing out just the other day during a game and when I reminded her she has to pay attention or she could get hurt and asked her what she was looking at, she told me there was a grasshopper out on the field (insert head slap). She likes to play though and she has some skill, so it isn't like we are forcing her to play when she doesn't want to.
I've done a search on this forum and gone over older posts but I'm not seeing the information I need. How can you teach social skills without an actual social skills group? Our small town and rural area doesn't have any official social skills groups or any agency I know of that would have this type of service. I can talk to the school counselor when school starts back up in August, but I can't just leave it up to the school. DD10 is in all the sports available to her and she is involved in other clubs and organizations too. She gets plenty of opportunity to socialize. Is there a curriculum or program we could use as a family? I did come across a post that suggested "Skillstreaming the Elementary School Child" but the poster mentioned it was intended for use in a small group. Has anyone tried this or know of something we can try?
Thanks in advance and sorry this post turned out so long - that wasn't my initial intent, but guess I got carried away.
