When it comes to the dress and others noticing, I'd talk to your daughter about being true to herself. What does it matter if others notice your clothes? Because it makes you feel what? How does it benefit you? How does it benefit the other kids? Then have her think about how she can spread that kindness that she wants to feel. She can spread it to others and it will come back. With the introspection you teach her, she'll begin to see her priorities and be much stronger when it comes to relationships and setting her own identity as she moves to middle school.
I have to respectfully disagree. Wanting positive attention is normal and there are many valid ways to go about getting it. Getting attention for your kindness is good; getting attention for your sense of style is good too. Of course I wouldn't want a young girl to be completely superficial or to go to extremes to get attention for her appearance: eating disorders and exhibitionism are not healthy. But anyone with high aesthetic sensitivity is going to spend time selecting outfits and/or arranging their environments in a pleasing way. And it's nice to be appreciated for that.
Some people don't appreciate my fashion sense and some people do. Some people also appreciate the way my paint colors enhance the artwork on my walls. And the modern, vibrant aesthetic of my original quilt designs. And the graphic art projects that I do for fun. It feels nice to be recognized, plain and simple.
It's hard to be in middle school and only have clothing as your medium for expression, and only have other middle school girls as your "audience". That's the problem, as I see it.
