Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy When other parents ooh and ahh at your DC...

^^^
that's Alfie Kohn, right?
Interesting but a little more scripted than I can pull off.
I'm glad I heard the theory though, it will forever shade my beliefs now.

What I generally say to someone who comments on DS's above-level reading (or whatever) is "Yes, he really enjoys reading." That is usually enough for them, although sometimes they seem to want to probe further, which gets awkward like they're holding up a measuring stick between their kids and mine.

My bigger concern, I guess, is the feeling of DS wanting to show off. I know he's fed on people's praise of his "smartness" for a long time, and I'd love to strengthen his self-esteem and wean him off that dependency. We do praise his effort towards reading books that aren't as easy as falling off a log for him. Maybe that will be enough eventually.

Nice to hear we're not alone. :-)

I think that anyone can learn to have good character - although I get that this is more of a challenge for some than for others! I find the ones that figure out how to do this one their own to be remarkable - but unlike 'beauty' - anyone can learn, eventually!

I think that anyone can learn to see the beauty in others - but that is very different from being born in a way that happens to line up with one's particular culture's idea of beauty.

Exactly.

We see some in-born traits as "positive" and others as "negative" (or not noteworthy, anyway), but that is via comparison to cultural norms.

Girls, for example, are rarely praised for demonstrating natural "leadership" skills in the way that boys are. Girls are praised for "nurturing" behaviors that strangers would overlook out of kindness in boys.

Now, can those behaviors be learned? Of course.

But if I should feel "proud" that my child was born HG+, then should other parents feel "shame" that their kids were not??

I don't think so. Maybe we should just love them and accept them the way they come to us, instead.

<slinking off soapbox now>

You know how they say ignorance is bliss....I miss the days when I had no ideal how special my little ones are (of course I think they're special, but you know what I mean) Taking my then 21 month old to the grocery store and she's reading the signs and asking me what they mean, you get some strange looks but it didn't affect me at all I'm just like "Well she wants to know"

Well, I am an adult, and by no means gorgeous, but I'll throw in my two cents. Sometimes, when someone compliments my hair, I'll say either "thanks, I grew it myself," or "thanks, but I don't do anything special, it just comes out of my head this way." Usually the wink-and-smile avoids coming across as conceited, and people know I'm making a joke. At least I hope so!