Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Hothousing- did you, didn't you, will you?

Thanks Mia. Great definition by EandCmom (I just realized - E and C are actually my kid's initials too!).

I think you can tell if you're hothousing if your kids seem stressed or overwhelmed by anything you're doing. I like the phrase "child led".

And Kriston - you are an amazing homeschool teacher since you're obviously very sensitive to what your DS seems ready for and what approach may work best for him! Clearly not hothousing!

Huh, I would say the subway stop math was child-led. The child asked a question, and Wren answered it in a creative way that made the child think.

Regardless, I agree with you completely that I would not call this hothousing.

I too agree with a child led education not being hothousing. If I ask my little one if he wants to read me a book and he does then to me it's not hothousing. If on the other hand he said no and I would tell him that he couldn't have his snack till he read me a book then that would be a hothousing to me.

That said I did bribe my kids with chocolate to finish a reading assessment test when they got tired of it in the middle I do make DS5 to sit down and work on his huge puzzle for 15 minutes a day, but then that was our deal when he insisted on getting on the puzzle. Deal is a deal

Homeschooling will be a different story though. I think it's ok when you push within a reason. It's not like kids learn/do in school only what they want to. Let's face if I didn't push my kids to pick up their laundry would be still on the bathroom floor.

LMom wrote that homeschooling would be a different story, but there are places mentioned about skipping kindergarten, so the education starts at preschool. Montessori is strict about rules, and they showed us a tape of a 18 month old child. He gets himself up, changes, goes potty, gets his breakfast. All himself. Everything is low so he can reach. Is that hothousing? Pushing the early development of independence? If you say yes, then those people might say the same thing about taking kids to the museum at 3.

Like Ruf's book, limited thesis, no methodology and no solid outcome but to say if you are smart, you probably have smart kids. This is all relative. Our opinion.

I push DD3 to eat vegetables, I force her to have fruit every morning. I can defend that with a colitis worry, but many people would let her eat pop tarts.

Back to comment re: Peter and the Wolf (this does relate) at Carnegie Hall last month. John Lithgow read, in English, then in Spanish. By the time the music started again the children were so distracted they didn't know which concert they were at. Why couldn't they keep it simple?

We don't keep anything simple anymore it seems.

Ren

I still say it's about your purpose. Why are you giving the kid more to do? What's your reason for doing it?

If you encourage the child to get ready alone in the morning because the child likes feeling independent and is happy about it, then that's okay in my book. If you're doing it to brag to your friends or to prepare her for college (this makes more sense with flashcards than getting breakfast for herself) or for any other reason than because it makes the child's life better and happier, then I think it's hothousing and it's mostly bad pressuring.

And "better and happier" can be in the future, but I think there has to be some sort of current payoff. If the main reason you're prepping a 3yo with math facts now is for college in 15 years, then that's misguided and probably harmful.

I believe in our case homeschooling would be a different story. Right now pretty much everything is child driven. If we hs DS may need to do things he doesn't like to do. I may need to push him to finish this page of to work on something he is not in mood at that time. Some people unschool and avoid this issue, but I am pretty sure we will face this sooner or later (more likely sooner).

dtto what others said about early independence

I agree. There's a difference between "not in the mood, but necessary," and "Grossly unnecessary and no fun."

Taking out the trash is no fun, but it is necessary. That's not hothousing.

Doing math homework may feel like taking out the trash for some child, but if the math is developmentally appropriate and assigned for school--any school, including HS--then it's not hothousing either.

Having a 3yo memorize the times tables is not necessary. So if it isn't fun for the child, then I'd define it as hothousing.

If the child does it alone, then it's DEFINITELY not hothousing. I can imagine the mess, kcab!

Ren,

I think the young people's concerts we went to were at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. The only redeeming thing about those trips was that after it was over, my brothers and I could visit the knights and armor room and the pyramid exhibit. But what you described was probably the main reason we were bored at the time - not child friendly (and quite frankly, we were not, and still are not, that interested in music). How ungrateful is that! It was an hour drive.

Finally, re: the hothousing discussion, I am either hothousing or homeschooling. But based on DS's tears this evening begging not to go back to school, asking to be saved, I'd say it's the right thing. His biggest complaint is that he hasn't learned anything this year. He is begging me to become his teacher...

Yup, that's a good sign that you're NOT hothousing.

Now if he were crying BECAUSE you were teaching him, instead of because his teacher is not, that would be a different story...

But you're clearly doing the right thing, Questions!

Hey, thanks, Kriston. I needed that pat on the back. Looks like I'll be spending some time researching other school choices and homeschooling, and working with his teachers to see what we can do in the classroom to help him get through the year.

And I think I have my answer to the other thread question on non-accelerated EG/PG (even though I don't know where DS is on that scale) - repeating a year or two not the answer, LOL!