Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy introduction/advice

Hi
I have a a 6 yo son that is gifted .He didn`t have an IQ test but the school did a grade assessment.He reads at a 7 1/2 grade ,writes and spells at 4th grade and math 3rd grade.He was tested in french and they tested him in english and he`s at the same level.He`s trilingual.
He is currently in first grade and one of the youngest in his class.
We got him tested because he started to hate school.He was crying not to go to to school,he threatenes to kill himself if we were sending him and my son is not the same anymore.He`s a very quiet and shy kid and for him to be like that means something is wrong.It probably didn`t help that he was in a sk/1st grade last year and they put him in a 1st grade this year.Last year teacher knew he was smart he was engaging in her class and he was doing 1st grade work.This year total opposite!!

The results of his test gave him the right to have an IEP but after a month still nothing.They were supposed to give him a challenge everyday in the classroom which my son was very excited at first but now I just found out that he refuses to do them and wants to do same thing as other kids.I wouldn`t have a problem with that but at home he tells me how he doesn`t learn anything at school and he wants to quit school...I told the person that evaluated him and her answer was well he just needs to do the challenge.So now they want to bring psychologist in the classroom to observe him.They try to tell me he is manipulative and I don`t think he is.They are still asking me for his interests and I would think they should know by now.

Right now we homeschool one day a week we do hockey(he`s very talented in sports)and math 3rd grade level and it goes well.The tension in the house is pretty much gone.

I`m thinking about homeschooling.There`s no school for gifted children in my area.The private school we have is too expensive and they work only 6months above grade level.

sorry for the long post but I`m very concerned.So what are your thoughts?Would you wait to see what his current school will propose or homeschool?Am I the only one having a child that hates school?Why do you think he doesn`t want to do challenge they offer him?(by the way he gets harder homework and he does them no problem)

I have no answers but I share your concern for your son at this point. It doesn't really sound like anyone is on your son's side if they don't bother to find out anything about him and then just say he's being manipulative. I would have to ask why is he trying to be manipulative, what is he trying to get that nobody noticed he should have? I would ask them something like that, but I'm sure there's a more appropriate plan that will get results.

There's been a lot of conversations about kids having trouble doing easy work, here's one: And there's been comments of kids just refusing to do work that is too easy as well.
http://giftedissues.davidsongifted..../96636/Can_t_focus_because_too_easy.html

I read a story online about a nine year old homeschool student who was taking community college courses as part of her state approved homeschool cirriculum and the board of education asked her to take the 3rd grade CAT test. She refused. Her family refused. It was demeaning. Some kids are willing and able to do "baby work" others are not.

Hearing a small kid saying things like yours has said sounds scary. I'm grateful you're so responsive and wish you the best of luck in relieving his suffering.
Here, I hope you have time to read this:
http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10252.aspx

There's an organization called SENG something about the emotional needs of the gifted. It is a very real concern sometimes not taken very seriously by people who aren't in your shoes and don't know any better. Giftedness is a fuller way of taking in the world and well that can be quite a lot. So, there's a real organization and a real thing as gifted emotional needs and here's a link to a list of professionals they recommend by state:
http://www.sengifted.org/education_home_study_professionals.shtml

Hi kaboom, I'm sorry your DS is going through this. I second La Texican's advice about checking out SENG to find out more about the emotional needs of your child, and possibly talking with a psychologist.

As for whether you should wait to see what the school proposes, I would say no. If your DS was supposed to get an IEP, and you've heard nothing for a month, I would suggest calling them immediately to set up a meeting. That is, if you have any reasons to think that the school might be able to offer your DS some appropriate accommodations.

From what you've told us, your DS is working several levels beyond grade level, and staying at grade level for anything academic makes no sense. Even with a grade skip, he would still be working beyond the other kids. If you think it would work for your DS personality-wise, do you think there are options at the school for subject acceleration to the appropriate levels?

If FT homeschooling is an option, I would lean toward that if I were in your situation (meaning a school that is not giving appropriate differentiation, no gifted schools nearby, and the different levels he's ahead in different subjects). I think it would only benefit your DS's psychological health at this point. Can your DS still participate in sports if you are homeschooling FT? Homeschooling is a way to ensure that your DS is getting appropriate work at his levels.

Sorry I'm rambling. Good luck.

Unfortunitly, schools,teacher,principal and even some gifted teachers are just not trained to understand what a child like this needs. Our principal told me it's ok if school is easy for my DS. They promised me for 3 years, each year would be better and didn't.

I would suggest looking into homeschooling groups for social needs. Best of luck to you.

I agree with what others have said.

I can't serve as an example for you, I fear-- only as a warning.

My 11yo began her school career much the same way-- the school's idea of "enrichment" and "acceleration" was pretty radical...

but nowhere near what DD actually NEEDS. We, too, have been promised that "it will get better {next year/in middle school/in high school}" and it DOES NOT.

Every year, my daughter falls apart when she realizes that it is the same old story again, just with more output expectations to accompany the material she already knows. In other words, it was bad enough to write a paragraph about {topic she has known for years} at a level that she is well past... but as time goes on, those paragraphs become term papers. But the feeling is the same; that is, they don't learn anything from the exercise, no matter how TIME-CONSUMING it is.

Does this sound like torture? I think so.

It sounds as though you may have trouble getting even moderate accommodations if a few extra worksheets are all they had in mind as 'accommodation' for your gifted boy.

I'd homeschool in your situation. Since you've been told that your son should have an IEP, insist upon a meeting-- but be mentally prepared for them to be incapable of understanding just how different his needs are... or worse, understanding but not being ABLE to meet them.

I know that you may not like this, but the one thing that struck me about your post is that you don't feel that your son is being manipulative. Hmm. From experience, perhaps not consciously so... but savvy gifted kids are often HIGHLY manipulative. It's a coping skill; it doesn't indicate a character flaw or potential sociopathic behavior, though. Just something to be aware of. Generally when it comes up is when they are struggling with something that is intolerable in their environment and they lack the maturity/authority to do anythign else about it.

Your son's statements about suicide seem likely to fall into that category. That's one of my daughter's favorite methods, too-- because it is such a show-stopper that we literally have a tendency to drop everything to fix whatever is driving it. The Manipulative Child is a good read for parents of kids with this tendency; it gives good tools for ways to avoid reinforcing the behaviors, and turning them into more healthy means of communication generally.

Yes to SENG and a psychologist. Yes to an IEP meeting-- but do some homework about your options first. Know what you would LIKE to see (and what your son would like or needs).

I would ask the school what it plans.

It sounds like homeschool might be a good option for you now. It is sooo important for kids to get the opportunity to learn, and learn to struggle with a new and challenging topic. Your son is most likely not going to get that at school.

we were supposed to have the IEP meeting last week but I guess nothing is ready .I talked to the lady that evaluated him and again she asked me his interest and told me how he doesn`t want to do the challenge(which he was very excited at firt but again I don`t know what they want him to do).She wants him to start teaching the other kids which I disagree not his job and now what they want to do his make him resolve problem this way :if kids in his class need to find one way to do it he needs to find 3 ways etc...
I think they have no idea what to do with him.


He`s a kid that won`t do his work or take forever if it`s too easy and loose his focus.

For the manipulative part you are probably right but it only happened twice.I think it was a cry for help.I told him I was going to fix the problem.First day of class I talked to the teacher and told her how advanced he was especially in reading and he needs something challenging.Nothing happened.Two weeks after beginning of school talked to the principal saying how he hates school etc and I asked them to put him in 2nd grade.They refused they tested him in reading which moved him to last set of books they dont have in the classroom took 3 weeks to have them.I was sending weekly notes to teacher for harder stuff nothing.Talked to her on report card day and asked her again .Nothing.At that point my son had it and its when he said he was going to kill himself.I called the principal again and told him the situation and it`s when they finally decided to test him.
He loved the testing and asked me if it could be like that everyday.It took 7 months and really the boredom started last year but his teacher at the time was challenging him.

sorry for long post

It seems very likely that his pace of learning is significantly faster than other 6 year olds. Meaning that while it was unfortunate that he wasn't put in 2nd this year, it may be that after a month or two it wouldn't have been much better -- that any early elementary pace may be agonizingly dreary for him. How many repetitions does it take for him to learn new subject material?

A simple skip to 3rd for next fall sounds unlikely to be a complete solution. Beware in your meeting of the possibility that the school might view such a skip as a permanent solution and feel that if skipped to 2nd now (or 3rd in the fall) that no further pull-out, acceleration or differentiation would likely be needed.

The one day a week homeschooling is interesting... is that something your school is supportive of or is that outside of the school week? Short of entirely homeschooling could that plan be expanded to a larger percentage of the school week?

Polly

I think you've gotten some great advice already. The thing I'm wondering is whether you know what level the "challenge" work is and what type of work it is. It could be that it's still not really challenging. Or that it's busy-work instead of really learning anything, or that your son doesn't want to work independently. I know my son likes doing some reading of new topics on his own, but he'd rarely want to do a worksheet or such on the same topic. Worksheets tend to be very repetitive. And what he'd really like most of all is to read or learn about a new topic *with* someone and be able to ask questions and discuss. That's his preferred learning style. Perhaps from your homeschooling experience you already know what works best with your son, or you automatically are using that method without thinking about it? Perhaps his teachers who know so little about him are not.

Another question to ask yourself is what you're hoping to get out of sending him to this school IF they can make the IEP work? Is it worth fighting for the IEP and advocating again and again to get the right work in order to get the benefits of the school? Or will the battles with the school negate some of the benefits it might have?

And to plant a slightly devious seed -- what would happen if you pulled him from school until the IEP is resolved? Oh, sorry, they'd probably call you manipulative and call in a psychologist.

Though I really find the idea of calling a 6 yo "manipulative" humorous and appalling, IMHO, a psychologist could be helpful if it's someone is familiar with needs of the gifted and can give you and your son greater insight into the workings of his mind and how to deal with these problems. Find out what experience the person brought in by the school has and consider that in their recommendations.