Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Communicating with your gifted child

I'm part of a parent group that discusses gifted book topics, and this weeks topic is on communication. We're supposed to come to the group ready to talk about the chapter that we read in a gifted book about communicating with your gifted child, but, to me, it seems like communicating with a gifted child is just like communicating with any child.

Does anyone have any ideas about how it might be more challenging or more necessary to develop a good communication relationship with a gifted child in particular? Is there anything about communicating with our kids that is different from the norm because they are gifted?

Thanks for your ideas!

One difference I see is that gifted kids seem to need to communicate for themselves more than other kids. Meaning that when they are young (pre-school age) they need to be the ones answering the questions that others ask about them that for non-gifted kids their parents would have to answer. For example, when DD8 was 2 I took her to her yearly check and the nurse was asking about her day and how long she sleeps and all she spoke to me rather than to DD. However, when I started to answer it DD looked at me and said "let me answer, I know what I do all day." The nurse almost fell over in shock.

Now, at 8 it is like talking to a young adult, rather than a young child. We spent the weekend at a robotics competition and there was a representative from NASA there showing off the next Mars Rover (called Curiosity - to be launched around Thanksgiving) and the man there is an electrical engineer and when he first started talking to DD he started out quite simply and give just simple bits of information, but as DD started to ask more questions or make more comments about it and draw up analogies to other rovers she knew about he quickly changed gears to match her higher understanding of the information. (Of course the look on his face was priceless as she was giving him stats on the original Mars rover.) So, I think that they way we communicate with gifted kids is more adult-like because their understanding and depth of knowledge is more.

I know with my high school students the connections the gifted ones make between what we are discussing in class and other seemingly unrelated items requires a different method of explanation than the types of connections that my non gt kids make. The vocabulary is more challenging and the amount of detail needed to satisfy them is much greater.

Even DD3 behaves better and responds better if we communicate with her in a way that I see others communicating with their 5 yr olds rather than the way I see others communicating with their 3 yr olds.

Hmmm....


Well, we are obviously going through some existential pain in our house right now which is directly applicable to this subject.

Our PG DD11 is, communication-wise, very "adult" at this point. This is not necessarily a good thing, from an adult conversationalist's perspective.

It is very easy to FORGET that behind the collegiate cognitive level and vocabulary is a CHILD with limited life experience.

We struggle with this constantly. No, there isn't much need to "tone it down" for her in terms of vocabulary or complexity-- but sometimes content or emotional elements aren't "adult" in the same way as the language and comprehension. She might have words for what she would like to explain-- but not the life experience to recognize the situation/emotion/experience for what it is.



Their intensity can also make it challenging to communicate effectively with some gifted children, I'd say.

You can say that again!

Also - so of 'em can read the speaker's emotions with great detail, and this can lead to misunderstandings as well as awkwardness when they are 100% correct and the Emperor has no clothing. I'm pretty convinced that was a gifted kid in that story.

Smiles,
Grinity

D15 was adamant as a toddler that adults repeat back what she had said to be sure they understood. You could not get away with the standard "Mm-hmm", or "Isn't that interesting?" sort of response. She demanded to be understood. And you could talk to her in full sentences and with faily complex vocabulary. She hated baby talk.

When she got older, the "because I said so" model of parenting was absolutely not going to work with her. Fortunately it is not really my style anyway, but everyone once in a while it is tempting. She often required a full explanation behind WHY she was asked to do something. Usually it worked, and she was satisfied and carried out whatever was asked. It kept me on my toes; I don't ask for something unless I'm sure I can justify it

Finally, I think having a very close releationship with her has been a boon to her as she as struggled with the loneliness that comes with being PG. Her agemates just aren't interested in the same topics, and her teachers don't have as much time as one would wish to engage with her. Online forums for gifted kids and programs like THINK have helped, but I think my close relationship with her has really helped make her a happier child. I am close to my older D as well, but I always felt like if I got hit by a bus, older D would still have close relationships with other people and would do okay in life. My younger (and more gifted) child is much more dependent on me in many ways. And we have had a great time, whether it was discussing Harry Potter or LOTR, collecting insects, or learning trivia. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

One big advantage is understanding the gifted child. When I remember to understand the "why" it helps me deal with my children.

It helps to know how to talk about their abilities, like praising efforts more than the prize.

I recently bragged on the brag thread about this...My DD13 called a family meeting to discuss rules and chores etc. She showed up to the meeting with three different power point presentations, research on various topics etc. She led a two hour meeting discussing things as being allowed to wear make-up, clothes style chores, and consequences. It was an amazing meeting. I am not sure that most kids do this kind of "communicating" at this age. I enjoyed it a lot. We really got to see first hand the "collegiate cognitive level and vocabulary in a CHILD with limited life experience" at work.

What she said....

And I probably needed that reminder today.

The OEs that come with my gifted kid also add to the challenge. If DS9 is having sensory issues, then all bets are off on communication if the topic is a sensitive one.

Yup, that.

We also have a disconnect with DS8 and his 2E-ness. There is that adult vocabulary and conversation style, and then there is a total lack of common sense and sometimes reason, and a distinctly sloth-like growth speed when it comes to physical abilities. It's very fractured, taken as a whole!

Oooh! Oooh! (raising hand)

I don't think anyone brought up perfectionism yet, or if I missed it as I scanned, I guess I'm not perfect. Drat!

I think gifties may have a greater tendency towards perfectionism due to the issues with "lack of challenge" they can be more likely to face. While I think that the way we optimally communicate with all children is likely also good for perfectionists, I think it's even more critical to be careful of the types of messages we send them around results versus effort, and modeling appropriate reactions to failure for them.