LOL, Grinity-- I think so much of that is true.
As I noted to DH last night;
If he talks this way to ALL of his patients, perhaps this explains why he offers them all antidepressants, huh? 
It was sort of astonishing to watch someone say, in just ten minutes, such a variety or exactly WRONG things to a person in crisis.
<shakes head>
He didn't even address the possibilities of bullying or of abuse either one. I thought that would have
topped the list of things to ask about here.
<sigh>
Unfortunately, JaneSmith, I think that one of the underlying problems here is that DD has always gotten WAY more attention than we believe is healthy or earned-- for things that are more or less effortless for her. So she has bought into perfectionism from
that angle. She's just too naturally good at way too many things-- which means that her entire perspective is skewed with respect to effort and actual aptitude. She writes like a moderately gifted 8th grader, so she feels she is "mediocre" or even "lousy" at writing. Uhhh... she's
eleven. So really, okay, her writing skills are not on part with, say, her natural aptitude for science, where she is easily capable of introductory college level material at this point. But in the absense of her GLOBAL academic gifts, that writing ability alone would place her as a GT student.
Further still, high ability in and of itself is not "praiseworthy" and we have a terrible time getting adults to STOP DOING IT. It puts us between a rock and a hard place, though, because if we
lie/evade questions about her academics, that sends her the message that she should be ashamed. The attention embarrasses her and makes her feel like a sideshow freak, for one thing (she knows that most of the time, random adults are not fascinated/impressed by kids her age), and for another, it's no different than praising a child for having lovely skin or nice hair, or a particular shoe size... it makes them focus on the
wrong things for their own healthy self-worth and personal identity.
She quits if something ISN'T easy, because well, she assumes "I am just not good at _____." It's maddening. But she also doesn't tolerate repetition or arbitrary demands to "demonstrate" long-since mastered skills, either, which makes for a fairly narrow band-pass filter of appropriate challenge.
________________________
Ren, I think that is something that my DH is having trouble understanding here, too. He has only male sibs, and so he doesn't really understand "girl culure" at this age. It's complicated, no question. DD needs to find "the geek kids."
We're hoping that we can do that with either Robotics or with D&D. Unfortunately, we may NEED to pull back on one of her other extracurriculars to make that happen. DH has been reluctant for her to give up piano, but I see that as being on the table, too. Piano is a solitary activity. Maybe that isn't the best way of spending that time at this point, KWIM? Much as I know that she will eventually come to regret having "quit" piano (most people do), it may be more important to make room for something else that has a positive social component.
