Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Hothousing- did you, didn't you, will you?

I do love the easy nature of most of our days. It makes it a lot easier to do those extracurriculars that matter without feeling like we have to all be miserable to get there.

It's a much more laid-back existence when you're not a slave to the almighty clock.

I heard this story on the importance of unstructured time. It reminded me of how hard it is to find a balance for our children.
Maybe when we cross the line and take away the unstructured time, that's when it's bad hothousing.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=19212514

acs - I think that unstructured time is extremely important and bad hothousing definitely involves taking away that time. I also think alot of bad hothousing is when the child's accomplishment is for the parents to be able to preen over and not for the welfare and benefit of the child. My kids go to a VERY competitive accelerated magnet and some of the parents want to play the game of who's at what level (I do not play) and usually it is so they can brag or whatnot and really has nothing to do with their kid. It has to do with them. At least that has been my experience with some people.

EandCmom - your accelerated magnet sounds like our public GT magnet. Some of the parents act like their kids are attending Harvard at 6, which is a big turn off for both DH and I. I'm starting to think it's karmic we "lost" the lottery to get in there. I do think it's all about the parents. The kids could care less generally.

All 4 of us absolutely love any and all unstructured time we have.

kimck - I know, it is ridiculous how competitive people can be about these things. Most of the people aren't that bad but there is one woman who is determined that her children are the absolute best at everything. She's become kind of a joke to the rest of us (that's bad isn't it?). When my DS was testing for the gifted program I mentioned something to her about it, as I assumed her brilliant ones must be in the program, and she had NEVER even heard of it. Made me realize things aren't always as they are presented to you.

But to be honest, this is a small minority of the parents there and I generally just stay away. I'm not into the whole competition thing and I hang out with the ones who don't care about that kind of stuff either.

Amen, sisters! I hate that nonsense.

I think *all* kids are great! Really, they just are. They're fun and unpretentious and entertaining and funny. Why can't people celebrate all of them for who they are and stop turning them into contestants in some infernal horserace?

Stepping off my soapbox...

I am not sure where hot housing begins and ends these days. We go to the library and choose books and videos that could be considered "hot housing". Like Ancient Civilations, or the Wildlife Conservation Society "I Can Read" books. (we are talking for a 3 year old)

She likes them and wants to read or see them over and over. We also go to the Musuem of Natural History and the Hall of Science. We go to the Very Young People's Concerts that the Philharmonic puts on. She watches the ballet of Peter and the Wolf instead of Clifford the Dog. Maybe Clifford is a good show, it somehow doesn't appeal to me.

So is this hothousing a 3 year old? I think we have options to get puzzles, etc. and expect more from our children. Especially when they do show exceptional capabilities.

When she asks me how many subway stops, I answer 5 and mention we are at the third and she calculates there are 2 left, is that hot housing? Her preschool friend's mother does it and her child is not what I would call gifted and the parent intends to send to general education, so is she hot housing also, despite not worrying about GT programs?

When I was little, we had cast off dresses and shoes from our mothers for dress up. My daughter and friends have Disney princess gowns with matching shoes. She has a Cinderella computer and I got her a small mouse for a cast off laptop because she does all those pbskids games. These are mazes and spelling games. Is that hot housing?

I think it is the nature of today's environment. Last week was holiday week from preschool. We went to Rocking Horse Ranch and my DD3 rodes horses, skied, played in the bouncy tent, swam every afternoon. No puzzles, just bonfires and roasted marshmallows. We do not have that naturally and pay for a lot for it, city living. In April I booked a week Land/Sea Disney package. Just dinner with princesses and Mickey and pretending to be a pirate with Captain Hook.

Just like we have the Internet and expect instaneous responses and information, our children are growing up in an environment where hot housing is how we live.

Ren

Just thought this could stand being bumped -- it's certainly my definition of hot-housing. If the child's enjoying it, it's probably not hot-housing. Hot-housing implies parent-mandated, regardless of the child's interest level, for the parents' own satisfaction.

Ditto that, Mia.

I think we're getting hothousing--which is pushy parenting, not child-led--confused with child-led learning and enrichment, which is mostly what these kids want >and< need.

Hothousing is what gives us a bad name. People assume it's what we're doing with our kids because it's what they'd *have* to do with their kids to get them to where our kids choose to be/can't help but be.

Following the lead of your children is, by definition, NEVER hothousing, in my book. Museum trips to broaden horizons--especially if you enjoy museums yourself--isn't hothousing, unless you force the kids to memorize the names of the artists while you're there or something nutty like that.

Personally, I'd prefer to keep hothousing as a term separate and distinct from other forms of teaching and enrichment because I think we need that specificity sometimes. Case in point: DS6 is having trouble with his times tables. I wondered if I should hothouse him to get them down, even if it's not child-led and he doesn't enjoy it? We could even use flash cards to drill him! It would help him in the long run, but it would not be something he'd choose and it might be something he's not developmentally ready for that I'd be pushing him to do.

Casting it in that light made me realize that I really had to take another approach, so it helped me. If I thought ALL teaching was hothousing, that wouldn't have helped me to decide .

This is a long-winded plea for specificity of language, I guess!

Hi, Ren,

I remember seeing you mention the Philarmonic Young People's Concerts. My mother used to drive all of us in to see those, and the only one I liked was Peter and the Wolf, LOL! So much for my tastes... Frankly, I probably would have preferred Clifford.

Meanwhile, if we lived in NYC now, I would sign DS up for wonderful after-school science activities at the AMNH. There are definitely a lot of pluses to living in NYC.

Enjoy!