Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Loss of self esteem in EG girl almost 10

Some of this discussion is prompting me to consider my daughter's behaviors through lenses that I had not previously considered.

One question occurs to me in light of that.

I don't think that my DD has ever felt as though she truly fit in with any particular peer group. It hasn't ever seemed to bother her much, however-- she seemed perfectly capable of finding common ground with anyone, and just enjoying those relationships with others for what they could offer, rather than fretting about what was missing. We as parents have been pretty sanguine about her emotional needs since there didn't seem to be any real problems on that front, in spite of a lack of deeper connections with peers (of any kind).

It seems to me, though, that perhaps in the last few years, it is sinking in more forcefully that she really IS an outsider-- everywhere. As a girl, maybe adolescence is the trigger for that realization suddenly mattering to her where it didn't until now. For girls, the social part of adolescence is so hard.

Hmm. Thank you so much for suggesting the book. I've reserved it and will read it this week.

HK, your DD sounds an awful lot like mine right down to the epic power struggles -lol.

It never seemed to be a big issue to my DD, not truly having a fit with the kids at school. But as she got older, things started to go downhill, her grades dropped, she found fewer people she cared to hang around and she just became more and more withdrawn and difficult. By high-school, she had only one friend who was somewhat of a gifted outsider herself.

We were lucky enough to have found a summer camp for gifted kids (through DUKE TIP) early on, and both my DDs went every year, it wasn't until about age 13 that I started to realize what a very different and much happier child my dd was during camp than during the rest of the year. I mentioned the camp to my DDs quirky friend's mom and that year she sent her daughter too. Her daughter (14) said that that week at camp was the first time in her life that she ever really felt normal and she realized there were actually others like her out there, people who really got her.

I think the week at camp every year was like going to the home planet for reaffirmation/sanity check and it was something that maybe helped with getting through the rest of the school year where they were the odd ducks.

Unfortunately, the camp director passed away and the camp shut down a few years ago. If I ever win the lottery, I plan to start a gifted summer camp like that one, it was such a god send for my girls.