Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Hothousing- did you, didn't you, will you?

I have always felt that DH and I are the ones who are responsible for our child's education. Even though we send him to public school, I don't see PS as the ones who are, in the end, responsible. I use PS to teach DS things that I cannot or do not want to teach him. But I am always looking for gaps and ways to fill those gaps--music, sports, religion, philosophy, foreign languages, history, geography, science, and free play are a few gaps we've addressed. What I tell my friends (at least the ones who look like they can handle the joke): I do homeschool--I just use public school as PART of the curriculum!

I absolutely believe parents are the ones responsible for the child's education - whether that child is GT or not.

I think the bad connotation with hothousing (and I think this has been mentioned by someone before) is with the picture of a parent forcing learning down a child's throat - such as with flashcards at a very early age - and with the child miserable all the time and not interested. Taking them to museums, parks, etc. isn't what I think of as hothousing in the negative connotation. That is just doing what a responsible parent does.

Supplementing with things that your child is interested in or with things that they are not getting at school, is not pushing at all in my opinion and should be done. questions stated "I never would have done the extra work with him, saying I'm not one of those parents, and I don't want to push him. It never occurred to me that it would be good for him, and that he'd even enjoy it." delbows said "something has to be done to make up for the lack of writing instruction for the last two years of my daughter�s education." Neither of these is hothousing in my opinion at all. That is supplementing when supplementing needs to be done.

And sure, sometimes your kid has to do something they don't want to do (i.e. boring homework ) and they have to do it. But trying to force your child into being a little genius when they aren't interested and don't need to do the work and really aren't capable of doing the work is when I see the problem (and thus the negative connotation).

Total hands off parenting isn't good for any kid. But neither is being forced to live up to an expectation that is just impossible for the child to live up to. That is the picture I get when I think of "hothousing". And I seriously doubt anyone on this board is doing any such thing.

I completely agree with every word, EandCMom. To me, if the kid is happier after you work with him/her, it's not hothousing.

Is it about your prestige or about their emotional well-being (because not learning is boring them silly)? The former is hothousing. The latter is good parenting!

Thanks Questions. I'm so pleased that you didn't step in to the same pile of BS that I did - or that you were able to step out of it fast enough due to my encouragement. But the time I figured out the 'what was up' with DS11, too much was stacked against me being the one to give him the 'balanced push,' my word for afterschooling that isn't 100% child led.

I hope that next years problems shrink in size as your DS gets closer and closer to next year. The more of himself he gets to show, the less difficult it will be for all the caring adults to figure out some workable alternative. As for homeschooling, you can always do a trial run over the summer.

I have a dear friend who's homeschooled children are in HS and College now. I asked her once if she though I was in danger of quiting the 9-5 job and homeschooling. She said to me that the essence of homeschooling is when the parents take direct responsibility for the child's education, and the details of where the child learns are besides the point. She did say that she saw that in me. I felt honored.

I started the hothouse thread, not because I thought that any of us were in danger of engaging in educating our children for our own selfish needs, but because I knew that there must be others out there like myself, who lived in dread of being accused of hothousing, who, like me, allowed their natural curiousity about 'who is this kid and what do they need' to be blunted due to hopes that they wouldn't be accused of hothousing, or making their child 'different.'

I'm glad I started to look at it, because some interesting info shook out of it!
Grinity

I'd like to add one more thing about forcing a child to learn. Look at other cultures where academic achievement is expected. Those parents are applauded for pushing their children to the maximum. I see it in the people I work with, especially those who immigrated to the USA as adults.

Not all kids can or will excel, but they certainly will learn more than if the parent never pushed. Are these the kids who "all level out around 3rd grade"? Maybe, but if they do all level out around the 3rd grade then why do so many in academia push early exposure to reading? Why not just wait until 2nd or 3rd grade?

This is a great dialogue. What an ugly expression "hothousing" for responsible and attentive parenting. Teachers are always complaining that the schools are being responsible for more and more "parenting" (social, emotional, sex-ed--from another thread, meals--we have free breakfast & lunch, afterschool care, school-based medical clinics, etc.) Oops, I forgot to mention basic academic education! There's hardly anything left up to the "adults" who make these babies. The teacher's issue is that how can they possibly attend to the specific or more specialized academic needs of kids? We're just doing what we should.

I'm surprised at the level of "hot housing" in some of the ELL kids at our schools! My son has had 3 kids the last 2 years that are the absolute top of their classes and english is not their first language. 2 from Korea, 1 from India. In this case, these kid's parents were/are studying for a doctorate at the local University. So they are probably very gifted as well. But I would see these families at the local library working with their kids a lot. My son was great friends with 2 of these boys last year, but they both left when their parents were done with their studies.

I would love to do more with DS7. We practice piano before school (which I guess is kind of hot housing too), but by the time he gets home from school, it's 4 to 4:30. We eat, take a bath, do some reading (he does read on his own at least an hour a day). It's bed time!

A welcome benefit of homeschooling: more time!

I just have to say that although, I also hear educators lament over the fact that they are expected to �do� so much more than teach, I have yet to see a teacher �do� any additional duty outside their classroom (without additional pay). There is certainly a large paid staff other than teachers that are responsible for all the extras such as social work, free breakfast and lunch, after care and discipline. This argument is a well used but weak explanation as to why teachers don�t provide an appropriately challenging education to every child.

At least this is the case in the "good" districts around here.

Yes! I'm actually getting somewhat excited about the possibility. And so is DH (who was dead set against homeschooling a few short months ago).