Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Hothousing- did you, didn't you, will you?

What a great story of hard work (on both your DS's part and yours!).

I have worked with my kids, more as our "quality time" together than anything. I have read to them endlessly (some books I didn't have to look at the words; they were committed to memory), and still do to my 6 and (less frequently) 9 yr olds.

I try to follow their lead. We have gone through obsessions with dinosaurs, fighter jets, board games, crafts/art, cooking, sewing, building things (gliders, trebuchets, etc.), robots, math, music...I can barely keep up. I go to the library and get every book out there, stores to buy supplies, set up areas to work,arrange lessons, transport, google internet resources and suppliers. We've done online courses (at their request), summer institutes, camps. I'm definitely too tired for anything but reacting to what they are interested in, especially these days. BUT, when they were preschool, I did buy them workbooks and we'd play alphabet bingo and count money, more for entertainment than forced drills.

My kids know I value knowledge and achievement and expect a lot from them. I worry that they are too stressed by our expectations, but it seems like people in this community are lazy and whine when they have a little homework. I don't want them to be influenced by their classmates who "blow off" studying for a test to go to the basketball game, or all talk about how they failed their math test.

Funny Cym that you should mention that.
When my kids were in private school, there was hardly any homework. Still I did hear lots of parents complaining about huge amounts of it. Go figure...

Now my kids do have quite a bit of homework, but it is a good homework. Daily math exercises, weekly essays, spelling words etc. They are busy, some days (Thursdays!!!) more than I would like them to be, but they have to make an effort to complete it.
H and I just got back from a concert (Turtle Island Quartet) and both kids were still up polishing their essays. It is Thursday!

I've been meaning to reply to this one for quite some time, but like so much else, didn't get around to it until now. So finally, I'm posting my public thank you to Grinity and to so many of you for educating me on how to better educate DS7.

When I first read this thread long ago, I was anti-hothousing. I did nothing, other than answer DS's many questions, which I suppose was hothousing in a way, as those answers took us to very advanced levels of whatever he was interested in (and there was a long string of interests). But this year, I realized that he hadn't learned anything new and that he is not at all challenged in school (although, to be fair, his reading, writing and attitude have improved - which is huge and our goal for the year). So I enrolled him in both math and language arts distance learning programs, originally just to keep his options open were he to return to private school (which we decided against, at least for now).

And it's working out. He complains a bit about the EPGY that it's boring (and it is), but it has helped his self-esteem and self-confidence. And Grinity's right, sometimes the GT kids aren't so obvious to the teachers when they're just looking at reading and writing. I loved the look on his teachers faces when I brought in the math he was doing at home. Of course, I realize we'll have a king-sized problem next year, but for now, it's the right thing to do. In fact, I think school gets in the way of his education. If he didn't have to spend all day in school, he'd be flying.

So thanks, Grinity, for recommending it. I never would have done the extra work with him, saying I'm not one of those parents, and I don't want to push him. It never occurred to me that it would be good for him, and that he'd even enjoy it. I also realize that to date almost everything he knows he's learned outside of school, and there's no reason to think that will change anytime soon.

PS- I know there's nothing he'd like better than being homeschooled. I'm just not that brave... yet.

Well, *I'D* argue that you're not hothousing, so you're still not one of "those parents." <chuckle> Following your child's interests to make him happy doesn't count as hothousing in my book.

Regardless, I'm glad it's working out. I'm happy that your DS is getting what he needs. Now if you can just capture that learning for DYS...

<grin>

I love what you've written and I feel the exact same way. It's sad when school gets in the way of real love of learning! And there are just some kid's personalities who'd lend themselves well to homeschool. My DS7 is one. Our DD3 on the other hand - not so sure. She loves the structure and regularity of preschool and already talks about kindergarten like it's the ultimate goal.

I'm glad this is working out for you and your son! Sounds like a really great set up. And it'll be interesting to see how the king size problem plays itself out in the fall.

QUESTIONS,
I really appreciate your post. I have begun to realize that we are going to have to do more �hot-housing� also. For one, something has to be done to make up for the lack of writing instruction for the last two years of my daughter�s education. Their school does give a lot of homework, so I feel that I am some �stage-mom� type character if I add on more. I wish I could pick and choose the classes to send them to and which to do at home.

I am also realizing that many opportunities are available to kids who do really well on these above level �competitions�. We have only considered them practice for when it will count, but if they concentrate some effort on tackling these difficult tests, they will actually learn faster in the process. I make them practice for their band competitions (two firsts today, BTW, which do not mean the first place), why not make them spend more time on ALEKS to get a higher math score? I�m not interested in getting them through school any faster at this point, but it doesn�t hurt to offer a preview of what they will learn in HS and college. Unfortunately, the high schools here in our immediate area don�t even offer AP classes of any type, only honors.

I know there are some kids who haven�t had any type of advanced instruction, yet still blow the top off an above level test, however, most do get advanced instruction, some a great deal, either at home or at school. I have to stop thinking of this as �hot-housing� and think of it as more of �talent-development� as the Davidson Institute refers to it.

I'm not going to 'hothouse', I'm jut going to let the kid watch all the TV he wants, play video games all he wants, and I might as well let him choose what he wants to eat(even if it's always candy), go to bed when he wants, after all, let him be a kid, right?

The reason so many parents are homeschooling is because they know the school's 'one size fits all' approach does not fit all. So if 'hothousing' is another term for 'afterschooling', 'homeschooling', or even 'parenting', then I really am guilty of 'hothousing'.

"I'm not going to 'hothouse', I'm jut going to let the kid watch all the TV he wants, play video games all he wants, and I might as well let him choose what he wants to eat(even if it's always candy), go to bed when he wants, after all, let him be a kid, right?"

Actually, I can�t decide between these two choices either!

Hahaha, I want to add in the detail that prompted me to write that. I think 'hothousing' has a negative connotation. But if a parent is not spending time nurturing & teaching a child, (which are things a parent would do while 'hothousing') then what are they doing? I have a friend who's stepgrandkids are allowed to run wild, watch TV or play video games all night because his stepdaughter basically runs wild. How sad is that, to see children with no good adult role model, no one to take them to museums, parks, zoos, or even teach them basic life skills?
I don't know the intelligence level of the children I just mentioned, but chances are these children will not graduate high school, and their mother will be one who badmouths parents who 'hothouse' their children. It's a crazy, mixed up world when parents who care for their childs physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual needs are made to think it is a bad thing.