Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Why Chinese Mothers are Superior.....(WSJ article)

Here's a link shared in a different forum to an NPR interview with Amy Chua:
http://thedianerehmshow.org/audio-player?nid=13578

I'm relieved to hear that the WSJ excerpt from her book was chosen & titled provocatively to attract attention... and sell her book. It clearly succeeded on the first, and I genuinely wish her success on the second.

BTW... My son read the WSJ article today... and came away deciding he wasn't so terribly abused.

Wow ! Five whole minutes?

Wren, and I mean this as gently as possible, but I think it has to be said --- you are reinforcing some stereotypes here.

For the group, here's the latest response from some adults (if the comments in so many other places weren't enough).



Val

I read all the comments. What a theraputic and thought provoking experience, and time consuming escape frOm running the vacuum. It showed some people had that upbringing and it works. Some people had that upbringing and are in therapy or dead. Some people didn't have strict up ringing and succeeded anyway (as is popular). Some people weren't raised that way and still are in therapy and wish they had been. I came out of the experience thinking, wow! I wonder if there's ever been another mother who has had this much access to this many people's stories in history ever? What a data rich an anecdotally comparable time we live in. How lucky and overwhelming are we to have all these expert opinions to consider. Truly.
I've mentioned I grew up religious. The hair pulling fits sounds famiar, but I think it was to teach me to be a good person, not over good grades. I wanted to mention, but didn't want to always pull up a controversial thread all the time. I was watching nat geo run their Amish special again when one of the girls doing their ram-a-dass whatcha call-it when their teenagers are sent out in the world to party and see their options before deciding weither or not they want to join the church. One of the girls decided not to. She decided she'll need professional therapy for the way she was raised. No t v, told how to dress. Super strict. Amish are known for their hard work if not their grades. So I was thinking, what are the Amish suicide rates? Because that seemed to be the big arguement in the Chinese authors comments, that strict parenting leads to uncreative unhappy adults as evidenced by japan's suicide rates. But it's unclear if japan's suicide rates are due to the economy and the fact that this style of parenting leads to unflexibility that can't handle crisis. Or if this style of parenting leads to greater family loyalty and responsibility and the men are commuting suicide because they don't leave their children and mothers for welfare to raise.

But, but, but... The story hurts because it's not about national parenting and the outcome of a citizenry. It's about how a couple kid's were raised. I emailed the story to my grandmother who said she was so glad I'm not raising her grandkids that way. Even though she's said before how proud she is that I'm doing a great job and teaching them right and teaching them how to learn and so far they love it. They love it!!! How American is that?! Lazy American mother.

Lazy? I spend at least as much time telling my kid to pick up his hotwheels off the floor as she tells her kid to play the piano. From what I read in the comments an immigrant mother won't let her child wash dishes, saying, "no darling, go study instead.". Ok they don't say "darling". They say "useless dog."

Eta:
The only thing I can figure is the difference between successful people raised this way and successful people raised that way is the belief that comes from a spiral cirriculum educational system. I want my kid to spend hours studying stuff because he wants to. I don't care what he's studying, it still builds skills. I don't care if he gets it right, or how much he gets right. As long as he spend 10,000 hours studying then all the concepts will come around again. It's ok. If it's fun. The more fun it is, the more likely he'll spend 10,000 hours doing it.

Signed,
An American Mom
(mostly)
Kind of, mixed with borderland Mexican lifestyles.

Does this count as studying? The boy has a bottle of water which he is spitting into the trash can. After the third one I said, are you spitting in my trash can? I'm an elephant, he says. I wish you would do that in the sink instead, I said. Would an unschooler call that imaginative play a study of elephants? Does that count twords the 10,000 hours of study I'm hoping to get out of him? I'm not going to count it. I'm going to call it listerene gargling practice and future hygiene skills. That counts twords the social skills and the EQ, then, not really about elephants anymore. Um, I guess it doesn't really matter because iM counting those 10,000 hours of study practice by the resulting good study skills when it's over, not by counting actual hours.

La Texican,
Before my husband and I had children, we decided that it wasn't in our control whether the kids were going to need therapy, only the kinds of stories they'd have to tell their therapists. Our choice was whether we got labeled as the draconian, overbearing pushy parents who doomed any chance they would have at happiness, or the overly permissive and disengaged parents who doomed any chance they would have at happiness, or the meddling and over-protective parents who never let them fail or make their own mistakes and doomed any chance they would have at happiness, or the aloof parents who didn't offer enough guidance on how to navigate problems and doomed any chance they would have at happiness...

We understood that no matter what we do, both we and our kids can find a way to make it seem like the worst of all possible choices, and us the worst of all possible parents. It was a tremendously freeing realization. We do the best we can, and we're sure to let them read stories of parents like Amy C. whenever we can

http://playborhood.com/site/article/why_american_parents_are_inferior/

Ha-ha-ha. That guy's funny.

After reading the articles and comments, my parenting style seems fairly middle of the road. I believe in encouraging, even pushing, my DDs to move slightly out of their comfort zone, but I am careful not to push it too far so that we end up in an entrenched battle. I find that most people and teachers underestimate her ability so much that I shoot higher so that she can stretch.

My DD is very stubborn and wants things her way and honestly, doesn't like to do things that are not very easy and effortless for her, pre-k has never challenged her in any way so I think it is actually be good for her to be challenged, but there are so many limits with me in that position and why I won't homeschool. First, there is a perfectionist in me that has very high standards and it takes much effort to keep it in check. Every once in awhile my critical perfectionist pops out and then I feel very guilty for tainting things with that critical aspect of myself. I would actually love to foist worksheets and learning activities on my DDs because I was a teacher and it is just plain fun for me, but they resist so strongly and are so far ahead any way, that I just don't push those sorts of things. Second, my DD is at a stage where she does not like to work and struggle to learn. So many things came so easily for her that she resists things that are not instantaneous. I think she should experience struggling and mastering material, but she fights that with me. Because of this, I wish there were an academic program that suited her and pushed her just enough. Again, I can try to do a little of this myself, but she resists me ten times more than she would someone else simply because I am her parent.

I likes it.

I used to say that if my kids turned six without breaking a bone in our backyard, I'd consider myself a failure as a father.

Much to my relief, I failed miserably at this goal, but not for the lack of trying. Although... each kid did have to go see the school nurse after getting a bean stuck up the nose. (Yeah, it's the small victories.)

Val,

I thought I was good to let her play 5 minutes before school, considering it takes 10 minutes and constant "put on your boots" just to get out the door.

Though in this age of technology, what is free time? Playing tennis on the Wii? Playing Barbies, doing a science experiment because they want to? Sledding, skating? I teach her when we are skating, so does that differ from her gymnastic class?

Maybe this should be a new topic, what counts for free time? Because skating isn't, I want to go skating and we go, we have to plan ahead, since we have to go on the subway to the rink and I have to bring skates and it has to be in a timeframe that works. Unlike when I was 5, I put on my skates when I felt like it and went across the street to a neighborhood rink (made by fathers in the hood).

When she goes into her room and plays Barbies, free time obviously. Is going to see the Nutcracker because she really wants to go, free time? -- she is doing what she really, really wants to do. There isn't any pressure to do anything but watch, -- similar to free time spent watching TV? But I have to plan way ahead, buy tickets.

Seems there is much more scheduled free time, with activities that I would do unscheduled as a child. Though I had less options.

Ren