Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy To tell or not to tell....DS wants to know IQ

int -- that must have been a very bizarre experience indeed. But I love the Hogswarts comparison. That just seems so par for the (gifted) course...

Well... of course she wishes it really HAD resulted in attending Hogwarts

I'm very late to this thread, but it reminds me of a something my mother once told me that felt worth sharing. Apparently, the school tested my sister when she was young and her IQ was very high. My mother never told .... my father. She thought that if he knew he would press my sister to do something important like be a doctor and my mother thought she should be free to do whatever she wanted to do. She became a teacher.

We did not tell our daughter. One day when we were playing a game, she matter-of-factly told us her IQ. We asked where she got it and she said that she took a test online. The funny thing was that it was really close.

Gifties are good at figuring things out.

Interesting thoughts and discussion. DS is only 6 and has yet to ask about it. Anyhow, he knows he is gifted and in DYS which seems to be enough for now. I am not interested in giving him the number for quite a while because he doesn't know the whole context and many other reasons that other parents on here had concerns about. If he asks about his IQ, my response will probably be "very high" Maybe as he gets older I will even give him the percentile range since he is very mathematically oriented, but I also don't think the number is a great estimate anyhow. I could also do the whole "high enough that you can do whatever you wants to do in life." or "high enough that there are not many out there in the world that have minds that work like yours." He did extended scoring as well which they said is a more accurate estimate. I wouldn't even know a number to tell him anyhow. I also don't tell others his IQ because I don't think it would be fair that everyone knows his IQ and he doesn't. Obviously the school has his report so they know, hopefully they will keep it private.

My parents never told me mine. I was tested at 14. The shrink told me I was off the charts so they tested me like I was 25yrs old. A friend told me a few years ago that my mother privately told her a # and what it was. My mom and dad still don't want to mention it to me. I'm grown. Maybe I'm socially inept in many ways but I don't understand why it would ever be a secret to start with. I would tell a friend if she had lipstick or broccoli on her teeth. I know which neighbors have diabetes and who's kid won the football game last week. I just don't get it. I really don't get it. At least online I've seen discussions about why we don't discuss it. That helps.

I can think of a lot of reasons legitimate reasons why your parents may not have told you. Diabetes or winning the football games are factual events. An IQ test is a snapshot, a number on a given day. That number is one piece of information that absent interpretation doesn't mean a whole lot. Just one thing from your story... If a tester said my kid was "off the charts" I'd question how well they understand and can explain statistical information so I'm not sure I'd want to present anything learned there to a kid at a vulnerable point of life transition.

Yeah, I know. I've read Dottie's explination. (to other parents) Also that the test I assume I took isn't used anymore. I've been reading this board for how long? I mean, I get how the test works now. Even then I said, what did you expect? I'm good at taking tests. My parents and I have other things in life to worry about than the results of one test. But it's just weird to me that it's such a secret. I've seen the reasons. How hard is that to explain? It's not a big deal. I hardly care now, and cared less even then.
I love how Grinnity says: "gifted is as gifted does". And Kriston said: "we believe in Whatever works.". No reading too much into anything. Just a lot of common sense.
It wasn't until I found out that it's something that should be kept a secret that I thought it was strange. I'm not weighing in on the tell/don't tell debate since it depends on the family. I'm just airing my internal incredulity. I'm 30 something and neither parent has discussed it with me at all. My mother told a friend of mine a couple of years ago. Then a few months later mom asked me if anyone ever told me a number. I lied and said no. I mentioned it to my dad who acted like it was a secret I should not have heard about (even now ?!). Is that not the weirdest behavior?

Eta: I think you're right PTP. Someone did a poor job explaining the results to them so they think there's more mystery to it than there actually is.

There is also: high enough that when the test was added up, the scoring computer blew a fuse and cried for mercy!

Which is a little colorful, but once you enter the world of extended scoring - that's what I viusalize as happening.