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I don't know if I missed this , in which case I apologise: what is the source/root of the anxiety?

My dh and I had this exact conversation (she needs to learn to deal with real life vs. she's falling apart) when dd12 was in 1st grade. She had a major issue with her teacher and the school wouldn't change her to another classroom. She was becoming depressed to the point that she was telling me that she wished she had never been born, she was "so stupid" that she wanted to be dead, etc. Obviously she's not a "stupid" child, but she did learn very differently than the teacher taught and was having tremendous anxiety about the color coded reward system, teacher yelling, and being punished for her learning style.

In our case, we did take her out and homeschool and my only regret was that I didn't do it sooner. I viewed it more as a "reset" as someone else mentioned. I don't bail her out from all stressful situations but in that instance the stress was so high that she wasn't learning anything. I am referring to learning coping skills, not academics (although that wasn't great, either).

Sometimes the emotional fallout becomes so huge that the child shuts down and not only doesn't learn to cope with tough situations but learns that he cannot cope b/c he isn't making any progress in diminishing the anxiety from day to day. He, instead, learns that life is stressful and there is nothing he can do about it.

I am not a fan of cutting and running whenever anything is hard and I've seen people do that. The outcome isn't as positive for a child. In our instance, we gave dd the break she needed, helped her develop coping skills outside of a situation where the anxiety was so high that she couldn't do any more than keep her head barely above water, and then later sent her back to school. She has, since, dealt with some very stressful school situations and come through them without us needing to remove her. She's a very well adjusted 8th grader now with a lot of friends and good coping skills.

Long story short, despite what your counseling team may be saying, you are the parent, and I would consider homeschooling strongly in your situation. I'd also investigate other moms who might be willing to do a co-op such that you might be able to keep up with a job you enjoy.

When I was a child I had social anxiety to the point that I could not speak in school above a whisper, but I was very talkative at home with my family and close friends. The public schools I went to did nothing for me. Public school made my anxiety worse. My anxiety didn't get better until I got out of public school, started college and had some control over my life. It has always been the feeling that I had no control, that I had to force myself to be like everyone else and do what everyone else did to be successful that caused my anxiety. When I tried to do physical things and had anxiety I would get fumble fingers and a little clumsy but I did not have dyspraxia and dysgraphia like my son has and I could color in the lines so I could fit in when I felt I had to. My son does not fit in and I will not try to force him to. I want him to feel some control, to lessen the anxiety that I am sure he feels because of his disabilities. This is why I homeschool and look for supportive environments where he can feel comfortable being who he is so he can learn and be successful and focus on his gifts and not his disabilities. When he feels he has control, he can dance and play piano even with dyspraxia, even better than some people without disabilities, people like me who had performance anxiety and would not even try.

I told my son that he will fit in when he gets to college. I told him about my experiences. In college it did not matter how I learned, only that I learned. I made good grades. I got a good government job because I could make high scores on their tests. I did well and it felt good.

My son loved being around other kids and I hated taking him away from friends at school when he finished kindergarten, but musical theater allowed him to develop friendships with other people who love music and acting and other things he likes.

The people in the musical theater group are like family to us. This is so much better than what he would have had in school. If he had stayed in school he would have spent too many hours on homework because the dysgraphia causes him to write more slowly and might not have had the time to do musical theater. He definitely would have had anxiety about this. He found that he really liked homeschooling.

I did not get any kind of therapy for my anxiety. I didn't need therapy once I had control. It is only now that I realize how little control I have over things that are happening to my family that I am feeling that anxiety again. I don't think there is a cure for the anxiety I feel when I see my son and my parents in pain.

I think the resource question is a good one. I consider outside activities extremely important to our ability to homeschool.

My oldest went to 2 years of public school and at the end of the 2nd year, he just didn't seem himself at all. He had constant stomach aches and head aches, was always tired and stressed. He kept asking his first grade teacher to give him harder math (so did I). My child is not 2E, but he is asynchronous. He enjoys peers socially. At the time, he wasn't the best candidate for a grade skip nor was I prepared to fight the battle I would have had to wage to get it. Now, after 2 years of homeschool and 2 rounds of open ended achievement testing, now he's just not the best candidate to be placed back into any school we have available to us locally. He's obviously thriving on EVERY level. My youngest is just in first grade and she is a very confident and social kid. She was so emotional her 2nd year of preschool because of inadequate fit.

I strongly feel public school does not have a monopoly on teaching tolerance or social skills. Homeschooling isn't for every family, but it has been a great fit for us so far. I'm all for teaching kids stick-to-it-iveness, but there are many ways to achieve that.

For me this sums it up beautifully. After JK we decided to homeschool because DDs anxiety was through the roof. She was so overwhelmed that she wouldn't drink or eat all day. She quickly figured out that if she didn't drink, she wouldn't have to hold her pee for 7 hours. She cried at school, and was so upset that she was often sent to the office to sit and wait until I could go and get her. She was an emotional and physical mess even on the days that I didn't pick her up early. Socially it was a nightmare for her. While our first year of homeschool was tough in many ways, her social skills have flourished. It's amazing to see how she has learned to cope out there in the world. I've always been impressed with how well 'homeschooled' kids handle themselves socially. When homeschooling you can really focus on the areas most important to your child's development. If anxiety is the issue, then you can start there at a pace and in an environment that is best for your child. I know that if I would have left my DD in school her anxiety would have become much worse.

Annaliisa

Masterofnone, no fun at all, regardless.

I know what counselor means; we have had to do this calculus for our own DS. I think he has been on an alternative curriculum (informally) from the start of K: the other kids are working on academics, he's working on social skills and anxiety. All day. Every day. Because he doesn't need much of what they're teaching academically, but he sure needs those other lessons, and this is one way to get them.

You can always change your mind and pull him later if you find you need to. You're approaching it thoughtfully. I'm rooting for you.

DeeDee

Master of None - I can't speak to your situation but I will tell you about a friend. Her DS had a horrible time in school. He was diagnosed with ADD, anger disorder (can't recall the name), and Asperger's and the school wanted him medicated. Finally, after 2nd grade, she pulled him out to homeschool. Everyone said he need to be in school to learn social skills, to learn how to deal w/ issues and manage his anger/anxiety. Well, you wouldn't recognize this kid just 2yrs later. You wouldn't recognize him 6months after he had been Hsing. ALL adults in his life noticed the change. He was more confident. He looked people in the eye. He initiated conversations. He didn't have the huge, out of control anger explosions. His attention was just fine. Now, you'd be hard pressed to diagnose him w/ any disorder. It was simply a toxic environment for him. This kid is DYS-level (never applied though) and just wanted getting his academic, emotional or social needs met. I think he needed to be a in a safe, controlled environment to learn social skills etc.

But if he's not for HSing and it would entail a huge life change for you, HSing might not be the best choice. But, also, nothings set in stone. If you try HSing for a year and it doesn't work out, could he go back to his middle school? Could you return to your job?