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Ah, but my kid was terrified of the water at 3, despite having been in swimming lessons since ~18 months. And every time she went in the pool, it got worse. So we did nothing until she was 7, and she decided she wanted to swim, and by the end of her first lesson, she could swim (to some extent) - and could jump into the deep end.

I was a shy kid who never wanted to speak in front of anyone (and ran away from dance recital in tears) until I was in high school, and competitive speech class was the lesser of all evils in offered electives. And I liked the preparation enough that I sucked it up and dealt with the "in front of people" part, and I was good at it.

It is not categorically easier to do something scary when you're younger, than when you're older. It's easier to do something scary when you want to do it, than when you don't want to do it.

In college, my upper level classes were all taught using the socratic method and problems were presented orally by every person the class every day. I lost all stage fright after about a month.

It was Matherpiece Theater!

It just takes practice!

All due respect, but this is not the case for everyone. I also went to a college in which every class was discussion and participation was not optional. I transferred to another college after 2 years, because, with rare exceptions, I simply could not make myself talk in class. I had selective mutism as a child, which was not addressed early and became a lifelong struggle. Now, I can force myself to talk most all the time, but only after a great deal of effort.

OP, perhaps your child just has a normal level of stage fright, or perhaps it is something more serious. If you suspect selective mutism or another anxiety disorder, I'd urge you to take it seriously and seek professional help.

I agree that not every child is similar in fears at age 3.

Nurture or nature that a child is fearful or a risk taker, don't know. I know in those personality/career tests, I went off the charts as a risk taker (and I end up a trader) and when my daughter was 9 months, she was sitting with a little girl 11 months. A big wave came in and wash over them. The father of the other girl, standing in the water in front of them, was just as amazed as I that the girls were unfazed by it. And now, a big wave will take wipe her out on the boogie board(all 38 lbs of her) and she will struggle up with sand in hair, nose and inside swim suit everywhere and just say she needs to take a break. When we were at Disney World, Animal Kingdom and some African dance show was going on and they had a bunch of adult women and some teens volunteering to dance with them. My 2.5YO daughter was dancing beside me in the audience. The male dancer came up to her and put out his hand, she took it and started dancing with him towards the front and center of the performance and did a little duet with him.

I do not know what I did to raise a bold child but I do know that will serve her as much as her brain will. But I do think, since she imitates a lot of what she sees DH and I do, that it is more nuture, her experiences with me.

I remember being with my father, he was buying a new car and gave the man a price. It was very low and I was embarrased as only a teenager can be with her father. It was not accepted and we left. That night, the dealer called my father and we were getting a new car at that price. I remember a few other times. Always, embarrased that my father would bargain like that. I have been to markets in Turkey and Morocco and SE Asia and I bargain like a native, thanks to my father. If they don't take my price, I walk away. Without my father, I wouldn't. So how do our children learn this. I didn't start out that way.

Ren

So, Wren... if I read this correctly, you were bold ("off the charts as a risk taker"). And your child was bold. So maybe you guys have the "bold gene", more than it is a nuture thing.

I often think that people who are not shy really don't "get it". It is like telling someone with dyslexia to 'just read' to tell someone who is really shy to just go and perform/talk in public/etc. I was a pretty shy kid, so I know how hard it is.

OP, we have taken small steps over the years. One of them was making a rule a few years ago that D has to order for herself in a restaurant. If she can't talk to the waitress, she can't eat. I am happy to talk over the menu with her and help her decide what to ask for, but she has to make the actual request. This was sooo hard for her. But now she does it. Babysteps...

Intparent, I love this strategy.

I often give my kids small, clearly defined jobs of this kind that stretch their skills. Pay at the supermarket (yes, you have to talk to the checker and make eye contact, but then you get to count the change! . Order audibly in the restaurant. And so on.

If you know what skills they're lacking, you can be strategic about working in real-life practice for those skills, and voila, over time they do improve.

DeeDee

If a child has selective mutism, forcing her to talk tends to make things worse, not better. If my parents had enforced the rule that if I wanted to eat I'd have to order for myself, I'd have starved to death first. Obviously I'm not saying that that is what your child has, intparent, and the fact that it worked means that it almost certainly isn't, but I don't want people to think that it's always a great idea to force kids to talk if they don't want to.

I think that a lot of good points are being made on this thread, but I still can't get over the title 'bold and dumb child.'

Let's continue on a new thread called: 'My daughter's shyness is breaking my heart' or something similar, ok?

You don't find it pleasantly ironic, given that the word "dumb" actually means "unable to talk"?

Shyness, and the ability to speak up, is highly variable and what works for 1 child may not work for another. Most everyone is giving advice based on how they perceived growing up shy. There is nothing wrong with giving a variety of responses, no one is entirely wrong, no one is entirely right. But none of us know how this child will react to any of our advice.
My advice is to follow Grinity's suggestion, because mom's reaction will have the biggest impact on how the child works through any shyness issues.