Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy i would rather...

No - education is not just for getting a better earning job. It is to create a wider resource of options as an adult to live a fulfilled, happy life. Your daughter may choose to be a stay-at-home mom who doesn't work outside the home at all. She may become an author or reporter or artist or counselor or scientist or .... Education is to give her options. Not everyone needs a lot of money to be happy.

full stomach always tells like that we donot need money.... but i know what money can do (i spent lot of life in that situation)

sorry i am going off the topic
i appreciate everybody's ideas, i only hope you should never be in my position
i am worried about her.. she reads and reads.. morning before school , after she comes back till she goes to bed... most of the time i fell asleep and she keeps waking me up for difficult words and meanings......i donot know what she will end up be, i donot want gifted child i want normal child....should i tell her stop reading or keep quiet and let her decide.....

Gifted is normal. Different, but normal. Honestly? It's a nice problem to have. I never let myself forget that very important fact.

Parents don't own their children, and children aren't computerized performing dolls that do what parents tell them to do every time.

A lot of us have seen our children freeze up on stage or in front of the class. A lot of us did that ourselves. It's expected and completely normal in very young children (there, you got your wish).

If you think she reads too much, stop bragging about it to others (this is a signal that you want her to keep reading) and try some positive ways to help her find other interests. Go to the park. Invite a friend from school to go along. Sign up for a Mommy/Daddy and Me art class or soccer class. Let her pick it, even if you only present her with two or three options that fit your schedule. If she's doing the activity with someone she trusts, she'll be more likely to feel safe and not rebel or freeze up.

Just, please, please, for the sake of your little girl, don't dump on her. She's only five!!!

And stop worrying about whether or not she gets a job in management in the year 2035!

Val

I wouldn't worry. It sounds like she is just educating herself. That's what you want. There is no downside, unless you think she is reading obsessively AND not retaining most of it (I don't think that's likely, but it is definitely possible).

I also wouldn't worry that any shyness now means she won't be financially successful later, although I would encourage her to be more outgoing to get over her fears.

I understand your feelings about not wanting a gifted child. But you've got one-- now you're in for it. You can't help feeling how you feel, but you shouldn't let any bad feelings interfere with your good parenting.

What I would do is let her read, maybe helping her select some of the material to help ensure she's well-rounded (i.e. not reading 1,000 Rainbow Fairies books ). I would get her started on some activities to help her in areas where you think she's weak. And then I would sit back and relax-- you've got a decade-plus to help her be a fully capable human being. I think if you do that, no matter what her interests are, she will most likely be on track to be able to provide for herself just fine.

You've won the lottery-- just not the money kind! Think of it that way. Your daughter may go on to do Great Things and Change the Future of the Human Race, etc. etc. She's not just your daughter, she's a treasure. Don't dull her edge and she will most likely exceed your expectations.

Yannam,
I appreciate that you expressed your feelings, and take that as a sign that you feel safe here. I want to keep this Forum safe for everyone who needs it, and therefor am asking you to take a moment and rephrase your Subject Heading in a way that doesn't contain pejorative words. This is a public place, and many of our readers have children and dear family members who are all places on the IQ spectrum. It is entirely possible to have one child who is highly gifted and another who is intellectual disabled. We also have lurkers who may be reading here for a wide variety of reasons. So, while I like expressing feelings, I'm going to ask all of us to remember to keep our 'party manners' firmly in place while we express feeling. In a way, we are representing Gifties to the whole world with every post.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

As far as wishing your child was some 'other way' - there is a wonderful article about that issue - here's the link from Hoagie's Page:

This article is one of the ones I try to reread every few years. Off I go...
Grinity

Yannam,
Did you say that you are listening to your daughter reading aloud for 2 to 3 hours a day? Really? I dont' think that I would have been able to do that. Will she read silently? Aloud to her dollys with you out of the room? Is she only willing to read if you are listening?

What is she reading? 10 page picture books? Harry Potter?

You don't have to listen to her read if you don't want to - ok, maybe 15 minutes a day tops.

My favorite parenting book these days is Howard Glasser's 'Transforming the Difficult Child' 2008 edition. There are great tips in there even if your daughter isn't difficult. You can have a profound influence on how your daughter sees hereself and her world, and I found that book to be very instructive in how to harness my parent-power.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

she reads picture books and small chapter books
not harry potter
is that book dealing with ADHD??
i want my DD to to earn lots of money... i will try and direct her in that route.. i will succeed or not.......... time will tell

I'm really frustrated with this thread. Clearly OP has a wall up and is determined that her/his goals and methods are 100% the way to go and nothing offered by others is going to change that. I really feel for the OP's DD.

Yannam, you've gotten lots of good advice on the importance of accepting your dd for who she is. And, her behavior at 5 y.o. does not predict what her behavior will be like many years from now as an adult. It doesn't even predict what her behavior will be like two years from now (I can use my own dd as an example of that on this same subject).

I think your focus on financial success is premature, to say the least.

But if your goal is to raise a child who will have financial success (for whatever your reasons), I think your basic premise, that a less outgoing nature somehow precludes financial success, is seriously incorrect.

I'm hoping that you'll find some comfort in that. On the other hand, while intelligence cannot ensure financial success, it is often a key ingredient. If financial success were my goal, and it were even possible to choose, personally I'd choose intelligence in a heartbeat over a more outgoing nature. I know quite a few individuals who are extremely financially successful, and I can't think of any of them who come across as having an average intelligence. More relevant to your concern, if the behavior of their children (with lots of OEs, including being fearful/very attached/shy, etc. etc.) is any indication of what these extremely financially successful individuals were like as kids, you have nothing to worry about.

The fact that she didn't want to read in front of a group at 5 y.o. is not indicative of any problem that will keep her from pursuing her dreams - at least that's my opinion. Take a deep breath. With attention to her education and lots and lots of love, I strongly suspect that she'll do just fine