Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Gifted and Anxiety Poll and your opinions

Original poster here. Our guy tantrums out of the need to control. It's like he's already an adolescent at 6 1/2 refusing do to things we ask him, simple things like go get dressed. He hits (not hard) to show his anger (like a 2 year old) and needs to be escorted to his room to calm down. Afterward, he will get dressed on his own. I try to give him words to use...but I think the therapy will be his best help. It's hard to believe he has a high IQ, but like our PSY said, he's not using it. When will he get it that everyone cooperates in life?

Oh, yes, he is also in OT. He will often sit on his head, upside down etc. Sensory issues are also in play.

We have a lot of work ahead of us.

So sorry! I know the challenge well... our dd20 is PG and also bipolar, but her last psych actually thought it was perhaps "just" anxiety and depression. She's needed a lot of help, although has also had a lot of successes. The other three kids really don't seem to have any indication of the anxieties, but are all gifted.
I know one of ds10's best friends in the gifted program is OCD. I know others with anxiety. I hear the evidence is mainly anecdotal, but there seem to be a lot of anecdotes about gifted kids with mental health challenges.
Theresa

When I was a kid I played outside in the sun with my sisters. When I was in elementary school I had anxiety to the point that I didn't speak to anyone at school, but I didn't worry about anything at home. I did well academically in school, usually straight A's. People told me I was smart but I stopped trying new things because I had anxiety about possibly not being smart in something.

My son never got to have what I had as a child. No playing in the sun for him. His dad, sister, and grandfather had skin cancers removed because they spent a lot of time in the sun. He would rather be white and not have to worry about skin cancer.

He sees me worrying about things over which I have no control. He is very perceptive. When I try to keep from telling him what is worrying me, he says if I don't tell him he imagines something much worse than the actual problem. He knows when I am not telling him the whole truth and he wants to know the whole truth. The truth is I am most worried about something happening to us like what happened to my parents. I can't get it out of my mind because my husband rides a motorcycle to work and I keep hearing news reports about motorcycle accidents. If my husband were seriously injured and needed long term care it would be financially devastating and would prevent us from homeschooling and saving for college, but we can't afford long term care insurance and homeschooling and everything else.

My son tells me that it is all gambling, and that even though I told him I don't believe in gambling, I am gambling. He says when we make choices about what to do with our money, whether it is investing or saving for college or buying one kind of insurance but not the other, it is all gambling. He heard us talking about long term care insurance because my dad, who was very frugal and thought he had saved plenty of money saved for retirement and had every other kind of insurance, did not have long term care insurance and now, in order to qualify for any kind of government help with my mother's care, he will have to spend down all his assets until he has very little left--I think $2,000. My dad didn't realize he was gambling either. He will not put my mother in a nursing home until he is totally unable to take care of her himself with a little help from family (usually my son and I) when he has to leave the house. My dad says it is good for my son to learn how to take care of old people.

My son has anxiety about health issues and developed white coat anxiety after he found out he had to wear the painful scoliosis brace. It is difficult to not have anxiety about this when he has to go in for checkups. He has been reading message boards. He knows there are people who also went through the pain of wearing the brace for years but still had to have surgery. But he knows his chances of not having surgery are better if he wears the brace.

He totally understands that life is a gamble and I wasn't as aware of this at his age. I felt protected somehow and only saw that bad things happened to other people. I was definitely not as smart as he is.

My son is twice exceptional. I think this probably causes some anxiety for him. There are just so many things to worry about and my son is aware of all the possibilities so it is hard not to feel scared to death sometimes.

Lori,
You've got more than your fair share of tough stuff to deal with in life. It is unfortunate, but it doesn't mean you have to have a life with such sadness and anxiety. There are so many good treatments available for anxiety now. I hope you will take the step to let yourself begin to feel better.

My 21 year old son has had anxiety issues over the years, and he has never been tested (IQ testing) . I'm not sure whether or not he is gifted or not. In fact, based on his performance in school, I would estimate his IQ to be around average.
My 14 year old daughter is probably HG, and seems to show some signs of OCD or a lot of random fears if not OCD.
When younger she had a huge fear of being found to have a fever or to be sick, and was therefore extremely afraid of having to go to the doctor or to mention not feeling well to us. I don't know exactly what the cause of that was, but when she finally told me about it, she said that she didn't want the attention that being sick gets you.
My son fakes illness to get attention. (in contrast)
My daughter has a huge fear of eating food that has gone bad. And she says that, she's not actually hugely scared of becoming sick, and that she's actually not sure what she is scared of. So now she mostly wants to eat things that have no expiration date, and is extremely critical of restaurant food, might have panic attacks if she things she ate something bad, even if it clearly wasn't.
My son eats things even if they taste bad (again, in contrast)
My son (though not as much anymore) fears germs coming from other people, but in non-sensical ways. For example, he is afraid that the person he sat next to in math who left in the middle of the year had a disease that she gave to him, when more likely, she just switched to a different class or something.
My daughter might fear people if they are coughing, or if they *have* been sick in the past week or so, but not usually non-sensical things like his problems.
My son has panic attacks.
My daughter occasionally has panic attacks, but only about something I have mentioned already.

Anyway, I'm not sure about the whole OCD thing, but I'm questioning whether or not my daughter has it. She is missing the compulsions, but she has the obsessions covered. My son, on the other hand, has been diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD already around when he was her age.

MDMom: DS7 is 2e and has had anxiety issues periodically that have been successfully resolved with a psychologist. He also has had other therapies for other specific issues: ABA, OT, SLP which all help. I think he has seen the psychologist about 6 times in the past 2 years. I can't tell if the anxiety is related to his giftedness or his ASD...they are so intertwined at this point. So, I'm not sure how helpful this is to your original question, but I'm just adding my personal experience with my son! Nan

Our DS7 had ups and downs with anxiety - he had a bad bout when he was about 3 years old and then again recently....the quote from a post...
" certainly agree with the observation that when kids are gifted and have access to advanced ideas but have age typical emotional maturity that asynchrony can be problematic. But the good news is that intelligence may also make it easier for them to learn to recognize how they are thinking and to learn strategies for dealing with it too" summed up our DS's issue - about 2 months ago he had a scary event happen thanks to the above comment and he was diagnosed with PTSD - we have been getting therapy since. Everyone quickly pointed out how most of his anxiety seemed to come from the fact that he was learning things that most kids his age have no clue about and emotionally he was having issues dealing with what he was learning....but his therapist did say that yes, this was a plus for him in the fact that it does help him see and learn the strategies much more quickly.

My son and I have situational anxiety. One of our strategies has been to try to learn more about the thing that is causing our anxiety. For instance one of our anxieties has to do with my husband riding his motorcycle in traffic. Driving in city traffic causes me anxiety even though I have air bags and every safety feature in my car that we could afford. We can't control the people on cell phones who almost cause us to wreck. There have been close calls for my son and me and my husband has told me about times when he almost got run over on his motorcycle.

Our strategy for our situational anxiety was to look up things online to try to figure out just how high the risk is that the feared even might happen and we read things like this:

Traumatic Brain Injury

The purpose of a helmet is to protect the head and brain in a motorcycle accident. Though it may reduce the seriousness of some head injuries, a motorcycle helmet will not eliminate the risk of these potentially life-altering injuries. Traumatic brain injury can affect an individual's personality, speech, cognitive thinking, and motor skills. Motorcycle accident head injuries, though, affect more than just the victim. Many brain injury victims are unable to continue to work, requiring full-time care and frequent medical treatments such as physical therapy. As a result, victims and their families often experience severe strain under the weight of mounting medical bills."

We have been reminded every single day for the last 7 1/2 years of the devastating effects of brain injury because we are part time caregivers for my mother who suffered a severe brain injury when she went in for a hernia surgery--not something we thought would be very risky. But we learned that there are risks with any surgery and my son was told he might have to have surgery if bracing doesn't stop the progression of his scoliosis and he has trouble keeping this out of his mind when he goes to the doctor. Also, dealing with the pain of wearing the brace and knowing he will have to wear it for at least four years is very difficult.

I don't know of any strategy that will help us "forget" those things we learned that only led to more anxiety for us. My son is able to use his sense of humor to get through some of it but there are times that the anxiety is almost unbearable.

My son knows there are risks with taking medication. One of the reasons my son didn't want to take the prescribed medication to possibly prevent his migraines was because there is an increased risk of "suicidal thoughts." Although he has not had any suicidal thoughts he is going through a difficult time with the brace and headaches and doesn't want to risk feeling worse to the point of contemplating suicide. He felt that continuing to take Ibuprofin was less risky.

The feeling of isolation makes the anxiety worse. When my dad had to go to the hospital recently, I got on Facebook and asked my friends and family if they knew anyone who could help us with my mother if we needed help--she sometimes falls and we can't get her up off the floor. Not one of my facebook friends responded, not even people we used to go to church with. My husband can take off work in an emergency but it is at least a 30 minute drive for him and my sisters.

The feeling that we really do have to deal with this alone without any help causes a great deal of anxiety for me. Our state doesn't have any programs to help middle class people trying to care for a loved one at home. My parents do not qualify for Medicaid and it is very, very expensive to hire people to help so my dad does it on his own. I stopped asking my son to go over there with me because he says he gets that horrible sensory overload feeling the minute he walks in the door. I feel horrible about this knowing how much seeing his grandson helped my dad get through the day. I don't know how to stop feeling so sorry for my dad. I wish I could just unplug that part of my brain that controls that feeling. Knowing that this situation could continue for years wears me down. This kind of situational anxiety is beyond anything I have read about.

I do have medication to take if I get in that sensory overload state but it makes me tired and I can't be tired and deal with what I must deal with.

You can keep turning this around in your head over and over and over again Lori but all it will do it feed the anxiety. It won't put you in the place where you will find solutions. My suggestion would be cognitive behavioral therapy focused on learning to recognize and change thought patterns. There are also a wide variety of non-sedating anxiety medications. I would also suggest finding a support group for caregivers. Your Area Agency on Aging may have some suggestions how you could tap into those resources. You deserve to feel better and be living a happier life than you are right now and I hope you will allow yourself to take steps to feel better.

Lori - I agree with Passthepotatoes. Seek help to relieve your anxiety rather than *increase it*

Back to my DS. Ok, more info. here. DS is 'still' a thumb sucker with a blanket. I never replaced it with the more acceptable teddy bear (as per our pediatrician), thus I have some guilt in this situation. However, with the evaluation behind us, remember DS #1 diagnosis is severe anxiety, I have noticed if he does not have (buckie- the blanket), in his possession, say at school (he leaves it in the car), he can show frustration, but not to the point of a meltdown. DS never has problems at school, but can control his emotions there!

How can we bring that behavior home??