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This is such great advice. Even if you could be perfect, you wouldn't want to set that kind of example. Being a great mother is all about making mistakes and dealing with them.

G
You hit the nail on the head! Like with the poster a week or so ago about changing the birthday to get into a program, values are so key. I find myself wanting to "fudge" a requirement to get DS something I know will benefit him but I feel somewhat smarmy about it so which is more important my being a good person or him getting this benefit as if he doesn't get it I will have ruined him forever at 4.5!!!! This also reminds me of the SAH vs WM discussions, I have been very fortunate in that I straddle both worlds and as such have come to terms with the gulit over either working or staying at home - personally I find that its all about embracing it - and embracing it from your point of view not the herd! And when huge guilt comes it's because of not being true to the choice I wanted!

10 apples - my 2c, think about what you want for her to do, I posted on the preschool thread about my mixed feelings about school, it's not perfect and I am not sure it is getting him ahead in the academic sense, but socially it's worth it. And that works for me, that's what we needed and wanted, but even so, I worried. Sometimes, I think worry is the actual definition of mom - but I think worry is okay - it's the guilt, the judgement that is killer and undeserving - that is usually someone else talking - which is what gets you back to the values thinking!!!

DeHe

DeHe

At that age, I am a fan of staying home and going out and doing different things. You are by no means holding her back. DS6 is a PG kid and we tried prek at 3 and it didn't work out, we waited until 4yo and had 2 failed attempts before we found a good fit (one where he was finally challenged a bit) and he did much better. He didn't miss out an anything that year when he was 3 I am certain of it. He is now going into 2nd (with lots of subject acceleration) and doing well. This summer DD turned 3 and I realized that I hadn't even considered putting her in pre-k. She is home with me all summer but next week will be back at my grandma's when I go back to work in school. So she started asking me to go to school and I realized it may be good for her to go 4 hrs. a week and give my mom a break so I am going to try it for her. She is very excited about it because she wants to play and have fun and she is quite social (whereas when DS was her age he wanted to have a history book and a math book). I think DD is gifted but she is very different than DS. She could keep busy and have fun with a cardboard box probably for hours because she is so imaginative. I don't think she would get bored if she wasn't challenged and I am really not putting her there to challenge her or for her to learn things....I will do that at home. I guess we will see how it works out...she is excited about meeting new friends, and hopefully they are very verbal and can keep up with her. Sometimes I feel like I have neglected her since she is not as driven to do academic stuff. Her brother was reading before 2 and she likes to read with me, but is not even close to reading yet from what I can tell. She is content dressing up like princesses, putting on puppet shows, playing with polly pockets, playing out elaborate themes, and cooking her kitchen. Interesting how different they can be. Boy did I get off on a HUGE tangent. Anyhow, you do your best and it will all work out. I made a few mistakes along the way with schooling for DS and no harm done now.

good luck!

We looked at just about every preschool in our area.

The so-called "best" really sucked at dealing with advanced kids. They had rigid programs and a hard process that excelled with normal kids. But Mr W would have died there. Our tours of the rooms showed Mr W belonged with their 4 year olds and their directors had no clue about how to deal with advanced kids. So, listen to your gut on this.

We picked the most flexible place we could find that had a large mix of programs. We got a commitment (after letting her notice MR W's advancement) from the director to place Mr W where he fit in (once he was potty trained.) The place is fairly new and in the bottom third as far as cost. I think you often have to rock-soup your way to the end state rather than try to get there right away. Flexibility was the key ingredient for us.

I do think Mr W would be more advanced had he stayed at home with a sitter. (Both of us work.) But he was learning to manipulate her and us. We agonized over this, but decided that in the long run, Mr W would benefit from not being the center of attention every day.

There are pros and cons to every alternative. If you can be a SAHM, then enjoy it while it lasts!

DD's in daycare on and off (currently with a part-time babysitter but will be back at daycare next month). She really isn't recognized. It's in a third language for her that she just started learning 2 months ago so her language skills appear to be completely normal for her age (almost 20 months) despite that fact that she can speak quite well in her other two languages. They have commented about how curious she is and how well she understands and gets along with others but that's about it and I'm completely ok with that. Most of the workers there didn't even know her age until a week ago!

She's in daycare because I work. Otherwise she'd be at home with me and I really do miss that time with her. It does help because it gets a lot of her energy out (she's extremely social) but it's also ramped up her separation anxiety.


I can understand that sentiment. I live in a part of the country that is CRAZY competitive. I had a lady on the bus yesterday asking me if DD was talking already and then started to trying to get her to talk to prove it! DD was totally not interested because she was extremely tired and sick to boot so then the lady had to comment on that too! It's annoying because you get moms who are just insane about milestones and the few times I've accidentally let something slip it was always a mistake. FORTUNATELY, I have met a great group of moms and I try and shelter myself in their company (and all their kids seems to be on the smart side too, which helps).

Anyways, there's such a big push for preschool it's annoying but I keep reminding myself, what's the point? She knows her colors, letters, body parts, numbers etc. She can get socialization from play dates and I work part-time so I get to squeeze some me time in there too. Plus we save money and I get to hang out with a pretty cool kid (albeit a very energetic one that makes me very tired every day!!!).