Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums THINKING BIG About Gifted Education Non-success stories.

On the tail of success stories...

I think it is critical to hear both success stories and non-successes. Sometimes by hearing what other people did that didn't work and what they would have done differently, is as critical as hearing what finally did work. This isn't meant as just a gripe, but as a means to share learnings you had about a process that didn't work for you.

What hasn't worked, and what would you do differently? What did you learn from the process that you would want others to know.

Tammy

Well, I don't want to be a negative-type, because we really have had a good bit of help and understanding from most of the teachers and staff at our ds9's school. The main thing that I think I, myself, messed up on was waiting for others to tell me what I already had an inkling of - that ds is gifted.

He was lonely and misunderstood in 1st and 2nd grade but now that we understand more of what it means to be gifted, and in his case that he also is 2e, we are able to provide better opportunities for meeting and keeping friends.

What didn't work for us was the slew of parenting/discipline books I bought. DS7 is a world class debater, extremely logical, seemingly mature and very determined if he wants something (did I just describe all the kids on this forum?). Rewards, extra/removal of privileges don't work - he's contemptuous of them in any form.

What works is if I can "out-logic" him. Otherwise, it's a grim fight that I'm unwilling to engage in because no-one wins. We just had a bout regarding handwriting re-writes from school - luckily he solved it by deciding that he'd do it right the first time. Fortunately too - he loves academic challenges, and he models himself after DH. I just have to keep out-thinking him calmly when he gets into a twist. I was only half-joking with DH that bringing up our son is a sure way to keep Alzheimer's at bay!

Ours is a sort of mixed result.

Our local school district has had a gifted magnet for elementary school students for several years. We explored the option, but they were unwilling to make accommodations for Girlchild's other exceptionality. (Yes, I know legally they have to, but I wasn't terribly motivated to make her a test case for bucking the system.)

This year they opened a gifted middle school. We were assured that they were making an effort to embrace the quirky wonderfulness of a wide range of gifted middle schoolers, and tried it out. Girlchild lasted six weeks (the last two with daily panic attacks); Boychild is finishing the year but will be homeschooling again this summer.

I'm frustrated by the confusion this district has between "gifted" and "three hours of homework a night". Especially when you get into the higher ranges of giftedness, fifty identical algebra problems really isn't necessary to drive home the point. Nor is willingness to do endless reams of handouts a hallmark. Neither, in many cases, are stellar executive functioning skills. These are kids who-- even if they do the busywork-- forget it in the bassoon case or leave their thumb drive in the Lego box. Or they get in trouble for using the margins to create original character manga, or for arguing the validity of the social studies questions they were supposed to answer.

Not that I think this is appropriate behavior on the kids' part, either. But it seems like the system is set up to encourage missteps and acting out, and squash the traits that make these kids gifted in the first place.

The school board is more than happy to create programs and channels and wonderful shiny toys for kids in the brighter-than-the-average-bear range. But for kids who don't fit in the box precisely because of their giftedness? Fuggedaboudit.

And even that would be tolerable if they'd just go ahead and call it "pre-IB", rather than "gifted ed".

Anyway, what I take away from all this is that one-size-fits-all generally doesn't, and that not everything labeled "for gifted children" really is. Something I think we tend to forget in our excitement at finding a plan that claims it will work. For some kids, it does. Some kids are all about the competition and the goal of valedictorian, even if it means three hours of handouts. And some...are exceptions even among exceptions.

You certainly described my son to a T. I've always said that he was a nihilist because he doesn't care what I take away or give to him. He's going to do whatever it takes to do what he wants to do.

Three words

All day kindergarten.

/cry

We have to deal with all day K next year

I have learned to be very careful about what ideas to put in his head..... such as "the consequences are not worth it"

He learned about averaging in 4th grade and he did not like his 4th grade teacher. At the begining of the 6th/6-week period he decided he was not going to complete another assignment until his teacher apologized to him for embarrasing him in front of the class about loosing his papers again. He was confined to his room that was down to just a mattress. Stubborn teacher won't apologize either. By the 3rd week, I asked him if he wanted to fail and repeat 4th grade again. He said, "I made excellent grades the first 5. If I get a 0.... I still PASS."

I moved and changed to a much better school district which has contributed greatly to keeping him challenged and exceling past my original beliefs. The new district was able to inspire him rather than get mixed up in a power struggle.

It was a bad fit for my son but if it's good program it may not be a bad fit for our DC. I did the all day because I didn't like the half day choices. Maybe it wouldn't have mattered either ay.

(Raises hand and waves it wildly) Oh yes....here to here to LOL. She Does NOT care at all. It is the most difficult thing LOL.

Thank you for the stories. It is good to hear good and bad. It helps to prepare LOL