Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy To tell or not to tell....DS wants to know IQ

If you are getting a good quality assessment the end number shouldn't be the sum of the experience or the main piece of information from the experience. Personally I would not present to my child that the reason to get an assessment is to get an IQ number because for us that was not one of the most important pieces. Further, I think it puts unnecessary and unhelpful pressure on a child to present it that way.

Instead I'd present it as an opportunity to better understand how he learns and what he needs educationally. That's how we presented it and our child has never asked asked the end number. He is in DYS and has information about the range. However, getting that information AFTER participating in the program provides a context where it makes more sense because he's met other kids and has the comfort of knowing even way out there on the bell curve there are still many like you.

I just bought a book called Smart Boys by Barbara Kerr because I think it was recommended by a man on this board in which thread I can't recall. �I was interested because they said it will help a parent deal with underachievement due to negative peer pressure. �Where we live I think we'll need it. �Actually the book starts off and highlights 100 years of how research and public perception of giftedness has evolved, starting in 1921-22 when Lewis Terman studied gifted boys to disprove the theory of that time, "early ripe, early rot". �(I think that old theory's back, LoL) �A later researcher studied gifted boys age 11-14 who 1.) felt that girls had more freedom than they �to express emotions, 2.)many saw relationships with girls as achievements and sought the "perfect girl" 3.) half thought they should hide their intelligence, etc... Much more.
There's stories of grown men who were gifted boys and examples of real boys who are gifted and studies of the recent historical changes in defining masculinity, and how it may be harder on gifted boys who are more sensitive and socially aware at a younger age. �It explores relationships and asynchronous development. �
It seems like a good book to help a kid think about some things that giftedness means and to understand some choices and their consequences unique to being gifted. �I'm only 1/4 of the way through the book but so far I see a lot of things you might want your son to know. �Cool book! �Might help you address his quiestion in a way.
Maybe someone else has read further than I and can say weither this book would answer a ten yr. old boy's quiestions about his giftedness.

Also, most people really understand very little about the tests and about statistics. They may not understand there are different tests. They may not understand what standard deviations are. They may not know contemporary numbers are on a scale that doesn't go as high as older tests. They may not understand that the same child might get a very different number on a different day or on a different test.

So I'm thinking part of when it is appropriate to give that information to a child is when they are prepared to understand statistics and IQ testing to know what the information they are being given actually means and what it doesn't.

LOL, Dottie. To hear this from you, our resident number expert, is quite enough to make me do a double take.

To me, the numbers are irrelevant for the same reason. Achievement trumps IQ anytime. I won't be telling my son because I don't want to take the focus away from attitude and effort.

FWIW, my PG SIL was told in front of her class in elementary school before her parents had shared the information with her...I would hope that teachers today would know better, but just something to consider.

My son has never asked for a number or anything like that. He did want to know what the testing was about. We told him that just like he gets his eyes checked, his teeth checked etc. he also needed a brain check to see how everything was working up there. He was quite jealous that a friend's daughter included a 24 hour EEG (she has a seizure disorder). He wanted to know when he could get a REAL brain check.

He tested at 5 and 6 and he's now 7 1/2. I don't see any benefit coming to putting a number on it. He already knows and feels out of whack with the rest of his classmates. A number wouldn't change that.

As a kid who tested PG myself, my parents never told me a number until my own son was tested and my mom was trying to figure out the quandary between old and new numbers.

I have been thinking about this but as someone who never knew, and whose children are unlikely to be tested, I didn't feel i had much to add. But what struck me as I read through the comments was that it doesn't seem to be the knowing or not knowing that causes the problem, but the who context that goes with it.

In my case, I don't know my IQ because I don't think I was ever tested. My family thought it was 'just smart' so it was all supposed to be about academics. So not knowing my score was a problem for me because I never knew that my IQ might be contributing to personality or social interactions. I wish we had known, and occasionally toy with the idea of getting tested so I don't keep thinking I'm just pretending to be gifted, lol. But that isn't just knowing the actual number, I suppose, it is more that I wish I and my parents had known more about gifted children.

A PP talked about the girl who knew her score and it was a burden because of pressure from her parents, but IMHO it isn't the knowing the score that was the problem, it was the way the score was being used. So even if she hadn't known the exact figure, the pressure would still be there.

I'm not sure this answers the question either way, but I think it is worth taking into account the whole situation, not just knowing or not knowing a number.

I agree, GeoMamma, that it's the context more than the number.

I grew up thinking I was MG. I didn't ever see/hear my score, and our family tried hard to fit in as much as possible, though HG+-ness runs in the family. Being smart was both what I was and something vaguely embarrassing.

I didn't find out my score until we were testing DS #1 when he was 5/6yo.

This is important because I knew he was smarter than I was, but my understanding of my own LOG was skewed low for decades. I think I'd have understood my own sense of being isolated as I grew up if I'd had some info about my testing. But more than anything I'd have been more prepared to help my own kids if I'd known my real LOG.

I don't think the number was necessary for me to know--though with proper explanation of the nature of test imprecision, score ranges, etc., I think I could have heard the number at some point in my childhood or adolescence and it would have been fine--but the LOG would have helped me a lot.

As a result, I have made sure to be pretty clear with our boys about the fact that they are, indeed, "wicked smart." It's matter-of-fact, like talking about the color of their eyes, but it's part of them, and it's an important part for how they learn. It is not something we downplay as if it's an embarrassment, but giftedness is what you make of it, no more and no less. High IQ or not, they still have to work hard, be kind to people, use good manners, etc., just like everyone does.

BTW, I was privvy to my achievement test scores, the standardized tests that kids get through school, but with basically no explanation about them. Until I was an adult trying to understand my DS's scores, I didn't understand that there was no such thing as a 100% on the tests, because the 99% really meant "99th percentile." I always worried about it on my own testing. And if I missed one and dropped to the 97th %ile? Ack! This was much harder on a perfectionist than knowing my IQ would have been, I think.

So I won't show *any* standardized test results to my kids unless I am sure that they can understand the nature of the results. I take a good long time to explain it all and to downplay perfection.

How can a fact about a person not be that person's business to know? Would you stand for someone deciding it wasn't your right to know your IQ? Or something about your health? I don't think a parent has the right to withold this kind of information.

Well, I think a child's ability to digest the info has to be balanced with the right to know.

I wouldn't tell my 6yo his numbers yet. But if my 9yo asked, I think he's mature enough now to listen to a lengthy explanation and understand what it means. More importantly, I think he's mature enough to understand what it *doesn't* mean. But he hasn't asked. In that respect, I think it's like info about sex: it's something parents should probably ease into over years in reponse to a child's needs, not drop in a kids' lap all at once once they hit an arbitrary age.

I think "it's their business" is too simple, though I agree in principle that it can have a profound effect on the child's life. It shouldn't be top secret, IMHO, but some discretion is advisable.