Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Gifted? Dd3, ADHD or psychomotor OE?

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You have completely described my PG DD7 100% as a toddler. In fact, you put everything I felt into words... something I was never able to do. I felt like she sucked the life out of me. It was like being on an out of control ride and just holding on for dear life. Forget about being the one in control! I felt like a failure as a parent and I just couldn't make any one understand how intense she was. We avoided taking her out in public because she never listened and had to do 'her own thing' (which included touching everything and never sitting still).

For what it is worth, DD has also been diagnosed with ADHD and we have found medication to be immensely helpful. So helpful, in fact that I sometimes wonder if I exaggerated how bad her toddler/preschool years were. When I read posts like yours it reinforces to me that it was a really tough time.

We were very consistent with DD and things did start to click eventually. She still struggles to control herself and her body, and she seems to run on an Energizer battery, but these days she is the most amazing and sweet and empathetic little girl I have ever met. I am so proud to be her mom and I often say that I want to be just like her when I grow up. All of the struggles were worth it. She really did turn out great!

Big hugs to you. I wish I had known back then that these were signs of giftedness. I pretty much wrote the poor child off as hyperactive and I think I will feel guilty about that for the rest of my life.

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I wish I could offer some really great advice on how to parent a child like this effectively. I don't even know if there is a 'right' way to do it. Honestly, I winged it! She was my first, so I didn't know any better. It wasn't until she was over two that I realized not all toddlers were as crazy as her!

Things started to get easier for me when I stopped trying to be in control all the time. I picked my battles, lowered my standards and expectations (in terms of what I wanted to achieve on a daily basis) and, like I said before, held on for dear life. We have the most interesting plays put on in our house, too. There really is never a dull moment. It took me years to be able to relax and enjoy watching her be herself instead of trying to change it. I can only imagine how hard it is to juggle three kids who all have such differing needs! My hat is off to you. We planned to not have any more children based on DD. I know that sounds terrible, but it was so hard on our marriage. Luckily she conspired with Santa Claus and gave us an amazing present when her little brother came along when she was 6. I needed those 6 years to recooperate!

I can sympathize with your struggles with your own ADD as well. Going through testing with DD, I realized that I may also struggle with it. I had the same issues in school as you mentioned. My mom is convinced that I was (am) gifted as well, but I never had any formal testing. It gives you a much different perspective when you can empathize with your children's struggles. I think about what my brain is like and then I imagine her little brain battling being PG and ADHD. I can't even imagine how hard it was for her to deal with that before meds. No wonder she was so out of control.

I kept a diary when DD was little. I did not have any time to really write in it (HA!), but I would jot down funny things she did and said. I would often flip back through it and bust a gut at some of the stuff that happened in our house. At the end of a tought week I would read what happened and realized that I was justified at being tired. I have some pretty good material in that diary!

I read a lot of parenting books when DD was younger, but nothing seemed to apply to us or work. I just followed her cues and kept being consistent with my behaviour expectations. She was a smart kid and she figured it out. We avoided situations that we knew she could not be successful in (sit-down restaurants and movies) and we modified things so that WE felt like we were doing a good job. In reality, we were just heading off disaster. But, if worked for us in the short term and it helped us cope.

Again, big hugs to you. Your kids are lucky to have a mommy who cares enough to WANT to learn how to be a better parent.

I don't have the solution but I was so with you while reading you post, deacongirl. DS8 was so energetic and I was so exhausted when he was young. Yes, he toughed everything and climbed on everything. I couldn't take him to storytime in the library and bookstore. During playgroup time, I had to keep my eyes on him every minute while other moms were enjoy chatting. In group music class, I had to hold him tight to avoid him interrupting the class. It was always a nightmare when going shopping. I didn't realize how crazy he was until DD was 2 or 3. The situation was getting better after he learned reading so I could rule out ADHD. He could focus on reading quite a time since he was 3. After 6, his restless behavior was getting controllable. Now he is still inattentive sometimes but at least he can control his behavior in school and classes. We are during the process of evaluation for Aspergers now and haven't got result yet. I will say 3 is still too young for diagnosis of ADHD. Maybe you want to wait for one or two years to see what is happen. Believe me, you are a great mom.

Thanks BooBoo. I mean--trying to explain what it is like living with her doesn't come close to the experience unless you have a kid like this! OK--so I am so teaching her how to read, starting tomorrow, lol! (kidding...sort of!) I guess I just feel like I would like to get some guesstimate on IQ from a professional, so I don't feel like I am crazy and there is an explanation for why she is the way she is! (and how I can ummmm...channel her strengths!) I am glad that your son is able to control his behavior better now, for both of your sakes.

Hi,

It is so hard. I truly understand since I have two girls ages 2 and 4 who are also very intense and impulsive and need to touch everything and love to make noise for the sake of noise. I have found the Nurtured Heart Approach helpful but have by no means have my home under control. I can let go of SOME control, but I can't live where they are screeching all day long, the little one is throwing cups of liquid, etc. I really don't have any answers. My oldest has had some evaluation and all I ever hear is how smart she is, but sometimes I wonder if we are missing something like a sensory issue. As for the younger one, she is also not reading yet because she doesn't sit well for books whereas my first could sit forever for books well before two. I don't know if my super active younger one is gifted or not, it isn't as obvious as it was with my first, but in some ways she seems smarter, esp. with commonsense and physical things. I am sorry I don't have any advice. I just wanted you to know someone gets it. I am sure it is so much harder with ADD. I have had some health issues that make it harder for me to manage too, so I know how draining it can be. I hope something helps your situation. I'd look into an OT first if I were you.

Hi there and welcome to the boards-
I have a very active, ?hyperactive, bright almost 3 yo boy. I understand your post and the frustrations of having a child with maybe some psycomotor OE- it's not easy and they are so amazing at the same time! I consider my LO to be spirited. Very intense, persistent, and active. Thank goodness he's such a happy child- whew. Some of my friends on another board who have a spirited support thread strongly recommend this book ; "Raising Your Spirited Child", by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. I've not read it yet, but I thought it might help? Virtual hugs to you and a cup of coffee to keep you going!