Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Identification, Testing & Assessment Did you worry about testing? Is this normal?

I don't think that is so strange. It's just smart. Applying what DC knows to the real world is wonderful.

So are you wondering how she knew that it was an acute angle?
Unsurprised that she knows what an acute angle is, but wondering why someone would connect a school idea to a non-school setting?
or
Unsurprised that she is making the connections, but mortified that she doesn't monitor herself more closely and prevent herself from saying things that would discomfort other people?
or
Just wish that she would act the way kids her age are 'supposed' to?

All of the above are feelings, and if they are your feelings then you can't be wrong for having them. However, you got them from somewhere - either you got treated that way, or you saw other kids getting treated that way, or you lived with someone else who had gotten treated that way so often that they chronically approached the world from that perspective - and you may want to choose to dig around and loosen them up a bit so that maybe some other feelings that are more 'true to your life' might emerge.

But wanting your child to survive this world is a primal need, and if you have somehow gotten the message that part of survival is 'being regular' then yeah, you will get a strong stress reaction. Add to that the dynamic that you can't talk about this in most setting (any settings?) and you've cut off one of your best stress relievers.

We are mostly a very intense bunch, and it's totally OK to have feelings of intense hate toward the idea that your child is different in this particular way. It's just something to know about yourself. Most of our kids will feel this way at some point in their growing up, so it really helps to have felt through this spot in advance, and makes us better parents.

Since you aren't necessarily going to want to act on this particular bunch of feelings, it really helps to keep venting here about how strange she is, until you are ready to start posting the same stories on the 'ultimate brag thread.' ((wink))

More Stories. More Stories. More Stories.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Grinity,
I know how she knew it was an acute angle because she studied it in school...and she applies everything she's learned to her whole environment, without a whole lot of discrimination. It's just how she processes things......she talks to herself ~a lot!~
and when doing so goes through all kinds of scenarios in her head of how things are going to happen or how they have happened.
Rather than "hate" that she's different, I really do embrace it! Just want to her learn to discriminate more what info she shares and where and when she shares it. I'm sure that will come with age. When Dabrowski put out his theory of overexcitablities, he was talking about my dd. She has many of them......

I sound a lot like your daughter. I liked to talk to myself when I thought of something interesting (the school called it babbling), and I knew a lot of things (such as cross-multiplying, advanced vocabulary, a bit of medical jargon such as tetanus, and how to write a story) before I went into certain grades. I worried about my test scores when I saw them, but then I got slightly confused when I saw, "Violet is academically superior to her peers". I would not worry about testing, especially if the teachers haven't a sliver about the meaning of giftedness. I hope your daughter is OK!

With friendship,

Violet



P.S. I sound like your daughter in the over-excitability way (intellectual, imaginational, and emotional), and with the fact I share a multiplicity of information! My mom said I was too honest sometimes.

That's a lot of metacognition for a 9 year old. Although some kids 'get it' from a much younger age. Would you really want her to be that aware of how different she is from the norm? Or working that hard to fit in? I see lots of advantages from being either way.

I guess a happy medium is best.

I've seen many kids become motivated to monitor themselves when puberty hits and they get more interested in the topic of peer relations. But of course, getting motivated and getting skilled are 2 different things.

I guess it would be useful to her if you pointed out in real time situations with others where thoughts flew into your own head, and your edited them - and what the reasons were.

Anyway - good luck with the testing! Did it go ok?

Grinity

Grinity,
The "testing" was disappointing.....wasn't really the wisc 1V but just an abbreviated cognitive abilities test. Arrrrgh! I asked him why she wasn't given wisc and he said that because she isn't showing any academic problems in school. Ironically, when we got home and her report card had arrived....straight A's.
I know she's not having academic problems, my point was to "use" the behaviors that come with gifted to her advantage.....in other words not to excuse them away but to give the powers that be at the school one explanation into her behavior.
So now I'm off to call her Dr. to find out what went wrong!
Thanks for caring, I'll post an update soon.

((hugs)) nownow -

I hope that even the abbreviated test will help give you some back up with the school. I'm interested to hear what the Dr. will say.

In the end, about the only thing that impresses many schools is 'end of year tests for higher grades' and popular above level tests, such as EXPLORE,SATs or ACTs. Even the full WISC can boggle the educators unless they sort of randomly found out for themselves what a 'standard deviation' is.

In other words, even if you have 'on paper' that your child is a standard deviation 'more rare' than the usual gifted kids in your neighborhood, it's doesn't nescessarily follow that the school folks will 'get' what that means to her behavior.

It sort of reminds me of the question - is there a difference between 'smart' and 'gifted?' I can imagine a school person seeing a very high IQ and saying: "Ok, we get it, she is smart, so what? Does she have to act so oddly?"

We here often say - In the end, it's the child's personality that makes all the difference.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

True that, Grinity!
Perhaps the most important thing we'll do for her this summer is the one-on-one social cues counseling.....I'm sure that will help her quite a bit. As she matures I know that some of the puzzling and funny behaviors will probably abate quite a bit....if not, so what? That's who she is and she is such a funny little personality!

I think what has helped my DS9 the most socially has been his one on one play dates with nice kids.

One on one with Mom or Dad does alot too. It's like he gets content and can go deal with the rest of the world better. When DS does not get enough one on one with parent it seems to project badly in other areas. Stress from lack of school challenge has carried over to social and physical awareness of others.

I would be interested in what a counselor did to help kids socially, if you care to share what works.

I do get a little nervous while my DYS6 is testing, but I've come to recognize that I'm simply projecting my own perfectionist test-taking stresses on the situation. (I took bar exams in 4 different states, and threw up before every one of them. Calm, I'm not!) I also remind myself that I need to check my ego, since I suspect that a lot of parental stress is tied to our own pride over their achievements.

My best advice is to use the testing as an information-gatherer, but not to read too much into the scores either way. I want to jump through the computer at parents who keep retesting their kids or sign them up for all sorts of prep tests. Why?!? Is that really in their best interests, or just our desire to see them ace the tests? Even if they have an off afternoon, it doesn't change who they are. If they are truly different from the rest of their school children, the teachers can see that more from the classroom time than a test, anyhow. Unfortunately, though, we've discovered that even if they understand and support the fact that your child is PG, there simply isn't enough they can do anyhow.

I think it's easy, too, to get competitive and forget to put these tests in context. Most of us parents here are probably HG too, and I know my DH and I never had access to these tests, online classes and communities, etc. Nonetheless, I'd like to believe that most of us have led happy successful lives. I do believe some testing helps open doors, but it also leads to disappointments or new worries if the results aren't what you want. At least....this is what I keep telling myself to try and calm my own fears when my children test.

Nowwhat & cricket, I like your taekwondo stories! It's fun and exciting to see them bring their concepts together! We must have a lot of taekwondo kids here. Mine is one, too! (He just got his lower green last week.)