Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school I don't know what I'm doing

I have a child that I am sure is gifted, although he has never been assessed. He reads Kindergarten and 1st grade level books, can count to a billion, knows the names of dinosaurs I can't even pronounce, etc... The thing is, I'm not gifted. I'm just wandering through this not really sure about what I'm doing. Another hard thing about this are others including my own mother who say, don't encourage it. He's 2 and he is a child. People think I'm sitting there with flash cards quizzing him all day and I'm not doing that at all. If he's interested in something, he really gets into it. He's a little sponge and absorbs every experience. I was amazed Easter when he pulled out "The Tale of Peter Rabbit" and started reading it to me. I thought he was memorizing books before then. Can you fault me for buying books after that and asking him to read them to me? My mother says he will be bored in school and that I'm making him into a "Doogie Houser" type freak. It makes me sad that my mother isn't as excited and happy about his abilities as I am. Am I doing something wrong? He plays for hours outside and in every day. In his play he counts, sings, reads, pretends with his dinosaurs, etc... He has friends and play dates too. He actually wears me out and I will be happy to get some time without questions like "Why is the moon in the sky?" for a few hours 2 days a week when he starts a Mother's Day Out program in the fall. He is a a happy kid and is such a comedian! Any helpful hints for raising a kid that is smarter than me?

Worn out seems to be a very common theme for us. As for advice? One day at a time. Listen to your "mommy gut" and follow along accordingly. You will probably lose some friends, even some relatives but you just keep doing what you feel is best.

Sorry your mom isn't as happy for him as she could be. If it was my mom, the Doogie Houser kind of comment would fall into the same category as, "What's with the almond spread, can't the kid be a kid and have a PB and J?" -- my mom just generally finds a way to get under my skin whether she intends to or not. Even when she says something like, "oh we never used to worry about that type of stuff, we just let you all grow up" it seems like it could have been left unsaid. I think underneath it all she is pretty proud of him, and happy for him too, she's just not one to express it.

Anyways, advice (this was my "note to self" the other day"): ask questions when I don't understand, don't underestimate why they may do something. I keep underestimating DS3 in things. Like recently I was turning book pages reading to him and I turned a page and he says 4, and I turned another page and he says, 5. I'm about to correct him that those are not pages four and five and then I think oh right, he's too little to correct about something like page numbers, I should cut the poor kid some slack. But then a minute later it hits me that actually he was making a numerical mental index of the items in the story in the book so that he could remember them in order later (why he needs to I don't know), we were indeed on the 4th and 5th items, it was just that items 1-3 he said silently. Sure enough several pages later the next one came and he says, "6th, toad". It was over my head and I nearly was negative towards him for doing something inventive. What I needed to do was ask a question, "where is number 4" or something like that, not have a gut reaction about what a 3 year old would do. I don't know how I have those reactions when this is my first 3 year old, but somehow I seem to.

Polly

Just smile and nod. 8) Mom's have to have something to nag about, lol.
Sounds like you are doing a great job and, trust me there is no WAY you can hold back a gifted kid so they will be at the same level as normal developing kids. People thinking you are hot housing your kid just goes along with the territory. Sometimes I feel like people want us to put them in a dark closet until kindergarten!

What she said...

Your doing fine, and welcome!

Get ready for a bumpy ride!

I'm raising a kid smarter than me, also!! And my mom has always made negative comments about people who "let" their kids go to college early after skipping grade after grade. Until she finally said to me the other day, "Your DS has made me see why some kids are in college at age 13!" Anna, your mom may come around, too! Have fun and enjoy your sweetpea Nan

My mother in law said I should back off on the learning too. Lots of people don't get all of this and that's ok. Just smile and listen politely. They really don't mean any harm.

My role has always been to follow the lead of the child. My DC is most happy when he has books and has stimulating things to do. If my child has an interest in something, I'd pick up a few books at the library, but I never push. If he decides not to read those books that's their choice. My kids drive themselves which is wonderful.

I'm not gifted either and I've felt scared at times about it too. It sounds like you are doing a great job. Keep visiting here. There is lots of support and ideas for you.

Great advice. It reminds me of my favourite part of the Madagascar movie (with the penguins), "Just smile and wave, boys!" Definitely words to live by.

I think it gets easier to be 'less smart' than your kids as time goes on. You kind of just let go of trying to stay ahead and instead focus on trying to keep up.

I agree with the others. Cut yourself some slack. GT is exhausting, but NEVER boring.

You aren't alone. I'm the least bright person in my household, and the one they rely on the most. I have other gifted relatives, but somehow was almost the first to ever graduate from University (there was one other somewhere along the way).

My family doesn't react like your Mom, thank goodness. Not many, at least. Instead I had to deal with a level of awe. I also was confronted with exactly how different my own household is from the way I was raised. My sons wanted to read, and were very book-centred, even as toddlers and preschoolers, and this was alien to my very practical hands-on family. My biggest learning-curve was around the importance of a well-stocked book shelf. My sons take their toys for granted, and it is their books they love and appreciate.

My kids may be smarter, but they don't develop the confidence and sense of security from my IQ. (... and if they want facts, they can go to their Dad. ;-) )