Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Hard to meet playmates??

Good luck Speechie. It's the same for us - I'm DS7' best buddy since forever. But things do change. Take heart!

Actually, that's how we started homeschooling - I finally quit my job and pulled DS out of Kindy when he turned 5 because he didn't have friends and wasn't learning anything. How he loved the isolation! I spent most of my energy arranging playdates which never stuck. Then last year just before he started Gr 1, we lucked out when he met a very likely PG 9yo. They're very different, yet they connect. DS says he's the only one he can really talk to. DS became very sociable in the two years we homeschooled btw and now has quite a few of what he calls "physical activity" friends, but he'll opt not to see them when he has an interesting project at hand. This recent school holidays, he was invited to a birthday party by a classmate - he refused to go. "No need whatsoever", was his explanation.

Just for laughs, I remember my son meeting a bunch of very rowdy 6yos at a party when he was that age, becoming rather crazy and flippant himself that day, and then saying privately as we were going home - "so now I know how 6yos truly behave!"

blob how funny! Sounds like my DS7 - he has had a really, really hard time meeting playmates for as long as I can remember. When he was 4, and others wanted to just run around playing tag, he wanted to share the names of the clouds in the sky. The older he got, the harder it became and sadly many kids he would try to hang out with began to make fun of him because he talked about stuff they had no clue about.
We tried putting him into scouts this past year hoping he would make a friend...it is more of the same...the other 7 year olds in the group could really care less about scouting and more about goofing off and being silly 7 year olds while my little guy takes it as being very important - he earned over 15 belt loops because he got so excited and got really into the programs - while the others in his den thought he was being a show off. At the end of scouting this year, he shared that he wished that he could move up to the Bears instead of the Wolves so that he could be with other boys that were as into scouts as he was :-(

The last 2 weeks he got to stay at a beach house with 3 cousins he has never met before..one of them was a girl, just 2 months younger than he was and another was an 11 year old girl. Lets just say, that the 11 year old and my son became friends instantly and were inseperable the entire vacation. He ALWAYS gravitates to kids who are 4-5 years older than he is.

I didn't read all the post so I hope I'm not repeating but....

Some thoughts on finding playmates. I think it will get easier as he gets older. I think it's common for smart kids to find each other.

I would try to get out and do activities like nature classes, science centers, Museums and Lego classes. This is where I have been very surprised at how smart kids seem to be. Some of the better classes attract others who are looking for stimulation.

Best of luck to finding some good playmates.

This morning DS3 had the choice of hanging out with me (mom) or going to his babysitter. Chose the babysitter. Ouch I thought, but it's true, she's much more fun. A freshman college student... we've had great experiences with several as they are not so far from playing pretend that they forget how, and they are typically quite bright and actually can see value in for example of going page by page through field guides learning all the names of everything (DSs current crazed interest). Not exactly a agemate but it'll do for the moment, it's a positive social experience with someone outside the immediate family. And they get him to play their games too -- the other day he came home raving about Connect 4

Polly

This has been an issue for us for a long time and she still doesn't have any real playmates. We don't seem to go places where there are older children and I actually see my two year old wanting to play with older children more than I do my four year old DD. She does know how to play in a very young, silly way that wouldn't tip off any outsider observer that there was actually a really sharp mind hidden under her antics and she is having a playdate with an adorable three year old today. They connect on a silly, fun level, but their language is worlds apart, but she adores this little girl. Of course, she bosses her around and this child does whateve she wants and my DD loves being in control. My DD4 tends to gravitate towards adults more than older children. I actually feel a little sad for her because she does want to hang out with children her age and can connect with them on a goofing around level, but she has never ever experienced having a decent conversation or getting involved in more elaborate play with another child. I try so hard to find playdates for her, but so far, I've had little luck with finding someone who is a good fit. It is hard on me because I am her primary playmate and I know she needs to experience real peers.

Too bad this site doesn't have a feature to help people find local playmates. There should be a search keyed to location information from profiles, with of course the ability not to display one's location and/or indicate whether one is up for play dates. The location would probably be best split into multiple fields, too. This should be something a website developer can throw together in a very short time.

A meet-up thread might do in the meantime. We are up for meeting anyone in the Hudson, NH area, including roughly Boston northward.

Yeah, but the problem is with liability. Someone could so easily pretend to be a parent wanting a playdate and really be an ax murderer or a child molester. *sigh* The parenting groups I belong to actually do a verification, either by calling and chatting for a while or by actually meeting you in person before you can be in the group.

There may be somewhat of a valid concern with safety, but not really with liability as I understand it. I just think it's a bit of a shame. The initial meeting could be in a public place; in fact that's generally the rule with us when meeting new people.

A safety issue for the users is a liability issue for the owners.

What's the source of your belief? Just a guess based on your common sense? I'm curious. I still think they should add the feature.

A couple of non-child-specific analogues are craigslist and freecycle. Both appear to work just fine, by leaving details of meetups to individuals. IIRC both do post disclaimers, but I've seen nothing that indicates to me that even those are legally necessary to avoid liability. It is of course a good thing to do in light of the gullibility of some people; some really might invite strangers, sight unseen, into their homes.

Here's a website that seems to be based on the idea: http://www.myplaydate.com/ I can't tell if the rules would require them verifying that you have a child somehow-- I doubt their ability to do that easily, so I doubt it is implemented that way-- and can't tell whether the lack of content is because I don't have a login. But their release language is pretty general, just mentioning once that they're not responsible for the behavior of members off the site, which I tend to think is common knowledge.