Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy intensity, melodrama, sensitivity, bossiness

I completely understand where you all are coming from. My DD (almost 5) is very intense, can be extremely hyper to the point where I want to medicate her. The thing I realize...for me anyway, is that the difference between true ADHD and a "high energy" child is that a true ADHD kid can't turn on and off their hyperactivity; it's something truly innate. My daughter plays very well on her own when she chooses to, but after sitting for a while she needs to burn off some energy and she just becomes a wild child!

When she's bored she acts up...her behavior overall has improved since 3 yrs. old. Her behavior at 3 was absolutely atrocious...that was a very, very hard year. Her 4th yr. hasn't been easy either but I would say there has been improvements; I have seen her grow emotionally though still she will revert to very toddler-like behaviors. I told her today that when she decides to act like a 5 yr. old she can come down and join the rest of us. (She'll be 5 in less than 2 weeks.) She was in her room and she had no toys or books and had to sit on her bed. It took her a little time but she came down because the attention was taken away from her.

My DD will also do really well on something then either scribble on it or will even pretend to forget how to do something which is absolutely infuriating! I would write more but we have company...I'm just so glad that other people struggle w/these types of behaviors. Sometimes you just feel that you're alone in this even knowing that you aren't...I just couldn't find anyone else w/a child like mine till this board.

Hugs to you all!

Azuil

This board is a life saver for me. I am so glad Grinity directed me here from another board. Thanks Grinity.

My DD does quiet down for some activities, but there is so much chatter, emotion, movement, etc. that it makes my brain ache.

Tonight she drew a squirrel and it was exceptionally good for someone who just turned four, and she was disappointed with it and said the eyes were wrong and made a big dramatic X over it. I tried to tell her that she draws amazingly well for a child, but she was frustrated by her limitations.

We actually had two really good days. I was able to get a little time away from them and that helped my tolerance. I am going to work very hard at being calm when she goes into a storm.

What is your biggest challenge right now with your DD? Does she have regular playmates?

Twinkle Toes and all the mums here,

This really is a fabulous board. It makes me sane to have a place to vent and smile when I read how the other kids are (somehow when it's not happening to me, it sounds soo very smart and hilarious ). Best part is, because it's happening to a lot of people here, I know I'm not a bad parent; I'm only just trying to cope. A pat on the back for all of us!

Twinkle Toes my almost 4 1/2 year old DS who was recently tested as HG+ sounds exactly the same. During his testing he bounced on the couch, stood on his head while discussing with the tester what faces looked like upside down. Yet the tester said he was totally engaged throughout and his results were certainly proof of that. He just has boundless energy. DH and I alas do not.

His daycare went from adoring exasperation with him - just after he turned 3 he told one of his carers who was trying ways to get him to have a nap that "I'm not going to negotiate with you" - to them just not being able to cope with him being unable to sit still, touching others, not listening, talking talking talking. They were suggesting we see a pediatrician about autism or a behavior disorder such as ADHD. We thought he was bored out of his mind but weren't sure and open to it being something else so went with a psych who specializes in both giftedness and autism. She saw no signs of ADHD or autism but an exceptionally gifted child.

We had the tyrannical 3s where he drove us almost insane. From the no tantrum 2s he suddenly started to have super sized meltdowns over the smallest things. His grandparents refused to take him out anymore because of the embarrassment he caused them once - he'd already been somewhere they were taking him as a treat so wanted to be the one in charge - they wouldn't let him and all hell broke loose.

Things have improved immensely since the beginning of this year. For us the problem wasn't too much stimulation but under stimulation. He started preschool 2 days a week and has 1 day of care at his old childcare centre but up a level, and 1 day a week at another where his little sisters go and he loves it! The diversity and novelty of going to 3 different places each week thrills him and gives him the necessary stimulation. His old childcare centre who didn't know what to do with him now adore him again. Yes he still talks too much and has too much energy and some days tries our patience to the very edge of it's limit but now that he's more stimulated he's much happier in himself and the most entertaining kid imaginable.

Freya, your story reminds me that when D15 took the Woodcock Johnson at age 4.5, we were in a large, almost empty conference room. She raced back and forth and slammed her body against the wall while doing a section where she had to repeat more and more complex sentences (adding a few grunts into the middle of the sentences, but otherwise showing off her amazing verbal skills). The tester didn't stop her, so we just kept quiet

She doesn't have a regular playmate unfortunately and that is frustrating. I babysit for a 7 yr. old boy who frankly is less mature than she is although her maturity goes out the window when she's playing with him. She gets very frustrated by him and him by her. I won't be babysitting him much longer because of the dynamic btw. the 2.

I really want to find playmates for her that are more mature. Her behavior is so much better. I'm frustrated right now because of it. Kids find her overwhelming a lot of the time I think and intimidating. She is such an extravert but does get easily angered.

Her reading score was in the 99th percentil for her age and the math was 97. That being said, her verbal and nonverbal were significantly lower at 88 and 90 percent. Even though those numbers are above average...I believe it impacts her relationship with others in that she has so much knowledge in her little head but isn't able to express it enough to problem solve effectively, etc. But no one would look at those scores and say she has a learning disability but frankly...the scores are so far apart that really it kind of is. 140 is the 99th percentil reading score...verbal at 88 is 118 and nonverbal at 90 is 119. That's a big difference.

The only book I have read that seems to help is 123 Magic. It isn't necessarily for "spirited children", but it helps take the drama and exhaustion out of living with a child like yours. I understand completely as my son is exactly the same way.

He is eight, and it hasn't changed. Every little thing is a HUGE deal. If I ask him to pick up his shoes I am "overwhelming" him and if he spills his drink or gets water in his eyes he starts crying and carrying on like you're beating him. It can be horrible and exhausting and very, very frustrating.

I have exhausted every angle of "logical parenting". Talking to him, explaining, reasoning......none of it works. I KNOW he has heard me tell him a thousand times what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Now I just count.

I don't know if you will like it or if you have already checked it out, but it may be worth a look. Especially since you also have a two year old. I have a two year old as well, who recently taught himself to use the microwave, correctly, to make waffles and oatmeal.

I hope this helps.

I posted this on another thread, but have you read Raising the Spirited Child by Kurcinka? When D15 was about 3, a neighbor showed up at our front door and gave me her copy. I was mortified... but it was a relief to find out that it wasn't just my kid who acted like that, and I got a few tips for dealing with her. Nothing really helped like time, though... D15 is mortified now when she hears stories of her behaviors at that age. It just took a lllooonngg time to teach her that just because she COULD do something didn't mean that she SHOULD do it.

TwinkleToes,

I share your pain. Our dd (5) is also very dramatic, sensitive and bossy. We've found that she does this more at home than anywhere (she knows we'll love her and she can heap it on). At school and with others, she's very even-tempered.

We recently read "Raising your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. Kurcinka goes through the process of helping to understand why our kids do what they do and how we can think about these things as strengths, i.e. persistence rather than stubbornness. The "bossiness" our girls display now, will shortly become leadership. It's forgivable to be learning it now, doing the same thing in her 20s will get DD into trouble.

She also has a scale of "spirit" and recommends that everyone in the family tally up their "spirit". In our family of three, on a scale of 9 to 45, we came in at 35 (me), 38 (DH) and 39 (DD). Kurcinka considers anything above 32 to be spirited, thus more prone to the types of issues you're running into.

I think it opened our eyes (at least a bit) to the idea that part of the situation is our own sensitivities and perfectionism.

I hope this helps!

Maryann