Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school DD was observed at preschool and...

someone came out to observe my daughter at preschool and reviewed some forms her teacher and I filled out and said she saw no signs of anything beyond being a potentially gifted, highly dramatic, somewhat manipulative, but very cute kid. Some of us really were scratching our heads wondering about some of her behavior. I wouldn't even know where to start. She is so intense, and melodramatic, and silly, and sometimes hyper, but this teacher said she was able to focus well, tried to lead the class, but wasn't overly boarish, and is a bit impertinent, but she so no sign whatsoever of anything else. She also said that the class she is with is such a group of kind, polite kids that she thought it was good for her to mingle with them because we mostly need to polish her social skills even if that means she doesn't do anything with her brain at school for awhile. They suggested doing something outside of preschool for her for mental stimulation, but that keeping her with children quite a bit below her intellectually should do her "no harm." For the moment, I think that may be fine if she seemed happy enough there. We could go somewhere with some more advanced kids,but would they be as good of an example in terms of behaving well? These kids at her school are so mannerly and I do value that for the moment. It would be awesome to have everything, but do I really need to worry about her intellect when she just turned four?

To me, not knowing your DD, it sounds like the person who observed your DD had some thoughtful (and accurate?) comments that could possibly help you. Her comments seemed reasonable and well-thought out and didn't pathologize what she saw. Your DD is a healthy, happy, enthusiastic, smart kid! And I liked what she said about focusing on preschool for awhile as purely a social event. The nice thing about preschool, IMO, is that you do have time to do more "mentally stimulating" things at home, such as trips to the zoo, science museum, nature center, or backyard and things like board games or anything else that interests her. To me, the fact that her preschool is full of really nice kids, would be a reason to not worry at this point.

Now, when she goes to school full-time, you'll need to have a game-plan for academics!

I agree with mnmom23. With DS6, I struggled with what to do while he was in preschool. I think it actually helped him socially and have seen the effects of being able to get along with all kids where he is now. Thankfully, once he was in "real" school, his K teacher saw that he didn't belong academically which meant very little advocating from me. But I would've pushed then. And now he gets along with everyone, regardless of intelligence level and grade level. In the real world, he's going to have to do that anyway!

Hey TT -
1) How Nice to have a reassuring observation!
2) What is the observer's credentials with kids who learn to read at age 2? Seriously, since most gifted kids are in the Optimally Gifted range (MG), and yours is not, I would be very careful about accepting their conclusions at face value. You DDs are as different from MG kids, as MG kids are different from average kids, KWIM?
3) I'm confused - is she happy?
4) Is it a problem? The things to watch for are
a) is she showing signs of perfectionism? Is she willing to take risks that might call her smartness into question?
b) is she learning that she isn't one of the group?
c) is she left with so much energy that isn't being satisfied at school that she is hard to manage at home?
d) is the room 'play based' or 'academic readiness - based' - one would expect her to do much better in a play based room.

5) Is there a play based room for older children availible so that one could try a trial to see how she does with older children?

But mostly - Yippee! So nice to have confirmation that she is not patological!!!!

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Hi Grinity,

I can always count on you to ask interesting questions. You bring so much liveliness to this board. Let me try to answer your questions:


2) What is the observer's credentials with kids who learn to read at age 2?

Honestly, she works primarily with kids with learning disorders and other issues, so I think she is unfamiliar with the sort of child we have here, but for the most part, she was really delighted with her and didn't see any blatant red flags. I know we all have heard again and again that giftedness can look like ADHD and can go hand in hand with sensory issues, so just wanted another opinion and she was afflilated with the school system and free so we thought we'd get her opinion. My DD does get OT for proprioreceptive and vestibular issues, but they are "graduating" her after a short stint in OT. I have wondered if there are any lingering sensory issues since she has to grab and touch and talk and move and crash all day, but that lady at least didn't see anything that needed to be investigated any further but then again she only saw her for one hour and sat down and had her read words, tell her days of the week, do simple math, draw pictures, and do puzzles etc. which would have made her behave much better because she had attention and maybe some sort of challenge (she was suppose to just observe but couldn't help herself and started quizzing her). My DD told me this the teacher never fessed up to it.

3) I'm confused - is she happy?

I'm confused about this too! In general, she is a very exuberant kid, but when she is not happy, look out. She goes off the deep end. She often has a little explosion at pick up time and says she doesn't want to go to school and is looking forward to it ending, yet when I spy on her or others observe her, she appears on the surface to be happy (smiling, making friends). When they test her at the end of the year and made her say her alphabet and numbers etc. she was really annoyed because these were "baby questions" and said she wanted to leave, but has fun when she sings or dances or does crafts.

4) Is it a problem? The things to watch for are
a) is she showing signs of perfectionism? Is she willing to take risks that might call her smartness into question?

She does show signs of perfectionism. She draws so well that it is the main thing her teacher comments on, but today when she was drawing a deer, she crumpled it up and threw it in disgust because it didn't look like she wanted it to, yet it is so amazing for her age. I am quite good at looking at something and drawing it and she had me draw her pictures when she was younger and she is frustrted that she can't draw as well as I can. I see this perfectionism in other ways too. I have the same problem but have learned to allow mistakes with age. I don't re-read my posts and let them contain all sort of errors whereas in the past, I would need it to be "perfect." I have to watch myself and not do anything to increase that tendancy in either one of us.

b) is she learning that she isn't one of the group?

I don't think she feels like one of the group. I also don't think she ever feels a real peer situation. We met a bright boy her age at the park yesterday and she kept talking to the mother and I told her she could talk to him directly. She just doesn't expect little ones to be able to really communicate on the same level and I imagine that could be strange for her. She loves to be the leader and perform for people so maybe she will never feel part of the group. I am not sure if I ever felt part of the group even though I was popular. Apparently, she is popular with the other kids which surprises me since she can be bossy and volatile.

c) is she left with so much energy that isn't being satisfied at school that she is hard to manage at home?

Other moms say their kids are worn out after preschool, but she is bouncing off the walls and we have to find things to do.

d) is the room 'play based' or 'academic readiness - based' - one would expect her to do much better in a play based room.

Mostly playbased,but they do a few "academic" things during circle time that are way way below where she is.

5) [b]Is there a play based room for older children availible so that one could try a trial to see how she does with older children? [/b]

Yes, and the director may be open to having her visit that room but they worry about her being so small and all immature goofiness.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post and to ask questions.

LOL - lively!

But not LOL:
It makes me so sad to read your answers to my questions. Please demand that she be placed with the older kids for a trial. They can always move her back. Plenty of well meaning professionals, who have good strong observation skills, just do not have a clue what you are dealing with on a full time basis. Although I would bet that if you shared with the observer what you just shared with us, that she or he might have a lightbulb moment and be your best supporter. Maybe. You have to remember that in America, we have a political agenda that 'all men are created equal' and this has really kept us immature about having a nuanced view of individual children having individual educational needs. I truly believe that every human has equal value, and should be treated equally under the law, but we need to accept that part of the US 'default setting' is to be very suspisious of anyone being 'too different.' We don't even have the slang to refer to what we do as some other countries do - see en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tall_poppy_syndrome


This information about LOG is just not 'out there,' even in gifted literature, all gifted is supposed to be 'essentially like MG, only more so.' That is a load of well, that stuff that makes the flowers grow, shall we say?

Good for you for becoming an expert at spotting your own perfectionism and loosening up! You Go Girl!!!

To me, your daughter is clearly not enjoying school. As a group, extroverted girls tend to work hard to put their hearts aside and make the best of any social situation. So her outward appearance isn't enough to say that she is happy, especially when she is sharing that she doesn't want to go to school.

Celebrate that you have come this far, and put on those big girl panties to take another step. (If that is what your heart is telling you, of course)

Either way - keep us posted!
Love and More Love,
Grintiy

thanks for the note, Grinity. I will mull over what you said. I think one issue is that I feel unsure of her LOG and even wonder if it will all peter out in a few years and don't want to over extend her, but the thought of kindergarten years from now covering things she did awhile back, does seem so wrong. I guess I am as confused as ever...sigh...

re-read Deb Ruf's book, now called 5 levels of giftedness. Your dd's giftedness would be unusual even at a gathering of kids in the Davidson YSP. Really.

your DD will not peter out in a few years

Really??? What are you basing this on? I mean, I certainly agree that OP's DD seems to be gifted, and is likely to be HG+, but there's nothing that I can remember her saying that strikes me as indicative that her DD would necessarily be at the top of the PG range. (And I will admit that it scares me to hear someone say that, when my DD has had similar milestones, IIRC.)