Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Am I "hothousing" my DD?

Well, personally, I think that ordinary public school pushes most kids to learn things before they're ready. I guess that's beside the point.

But I wouldn't call it "hothousing" unless it was successful. That is, I think the term implies that kids can be made unnaturally smart or can be made to develop abnormally quickly if they are in a special environment (just as plants are successfully made to grow more quickly in a hothouse environment). I'm not sure that that is the case for children. Certainly they can be made abnormally neurotic or they can be made to perform unusual tricks...but unnaturally smart? I'm not convinced.

Certainly when you put it like that I'm not persuaded either. I definitely would question whether kids can be made "smarter" (which is a pretty general term that I'd want to have defined) using hothousing techniques.

However, I do think that one skill (or many) can *suffer* at the expense of one that that gets hothoused. I think that prioritizing what the parent wants to have learned over what the child is ready to learn can slow down the child's overall progress. And for what? If the answer is "For bragging rights" or "to get her into Harvard so that Mom and/or Dad can have bragging rights," I'm not a fan.

I agree.

What do you call it when the gardener turns the heat up so high that the plants get cooked? Not hothousing...just bad gardening, I guess.

<snort>

Indeed!

A family I know "hothouses", as far as I'm concerned. The kids begin doing "homework" for Mom at age 2 1/2 or so. They are bribed with candy and/or playtime to do their work. The primary purpose (according to their mom) is to have them immediately accelerated upon entering Kindergarten. So far the school has done that, even though IQ is barely in MG range but achievement is high. It burns me up because there are so many HG kids that have not been "prepped" for acceleration. I can only believe that the reasons for this is for the over achieving parent to feel better about themselves?

Wow! There are actually 2 1/2 yo who can be bribed to do what mommy wants! Sigh! I may be a little jealous.
If I had the power to bribe or manipulate my DS3 I sure as heck wouldn't waste on Homework!

Well...not knowing anything about this family, I'd say that most kids (around here, anyway) start preschool at 3, and that's my (limited) understanding of what happens in preschool. If her kids are MG, they may be ready at 2 1/2 for the material other kids are ready for at 3. So what she's doing may not be so far outside of the norm (but again, I obviously don't know the details).

And if she is aware that they are gifted, and has no other schooling options, would it be so wrong for her to hope that they be accelerated? That may be legitimately the best fit for these kids, even if they are "barely" MG. My MG sister was accelerated, and it seemed to be a good fit for her.

I know what you are saying, and I get that it isn't so bad if they are MG. She has told me they both test in the mid 120's.

Where I see the issue is requiring several hours a day of "homework" on top of their preschool. The kids don't seem to be enjoying (according to the Mom's complaints to me and other friends.) The kids complain and beg to get out of it but it is so forced. I guess I could see it being ok if the kids were more interested in learning the material being presented. Instead it is much drill and rote memorization. Parent driven not child driven.

Ew, yes, that does sound pretty icky.

I know a family like that too. It really is fine if the kids love it, but that isn't the case here as well. The mum says that when she yells at her son, he becomes really good at math . Maybe deep down, I'm a bit jealous cos my son will never be so compliant - he'll probably yell back, and louder too.

One other thing about people like that - they tend to be very competitive. The mother "spotted" my son at a homeschool gathering and was very insistent about playdates with her son. She was extremely nice at first (the lure!) but her son kept letting the cat out of the bag. "I know what you're doing for math and I'm going to beat you cos my mother says I'm smarter than you!", he says to my son. Or "I'm smarter than you so I'll be your boss one day!" Not self-created thoughts at 5yo, that's for sure!