Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Am I "hothousing" my DD?

Oh you completely know where I am coming from with the family I know. Same thing. For instance. My dd is in a HG school and skipped so her spelling words are pretty tough. My daughter mentioned a couple of her spelling words we were working on that week in front of the mom and her son (year younger than my dd and a Kindergartner.) Right away the mom said "what a great idea it would be for him to learn those too." What do ya know, next morning, the son and Mom come over and BAM - he announces he knows a couple words to spell and proceeds to spell my daughter's spelling words. Unreal!

Very competitive, very high achieving. Her kids have been alienated in the neighborhood and the more years I'm around them I realize the character traits developing in the kids. My dh and I talk about the "better than you attitude" they have seemed to develop. Sort of an "I can do no wrong" sort of thing. It's heartbreaking really. I joke that they are little robots but it's really not a joking matter. So sad.

And yes... I can only dream of my kids ever being so compliant. I guess that's where I see the differences in my kids and hers. My kids would never do all of these things she's asking of her kids without very good reasons why.

oh and one more. She's trying to "teach" her 6 yr old multiplication. He was confused and she just tells him not to worry what it all "means." Just memorize that 2x2 is 4, 2x3 is 6 etc. So basically, who cares if there is really an understanding of concept if on the surface it appears he knows his stuff.

To be honest, I usually have no opinions about how other people bring up their kids - it's their prerogative. I'm also not very sociable (DH thinks I'm people blind) except on forums where I can be anonymous . This family was very intrusive, inviting themselves over to look at our books so they could buy the same. I honestly didn't mind - I invited her, but she even "broke into" my librarything account in case I didn't tell her everything - she told a mutual friend! I tried to avoid meeting up but she was extremely persistent, until my son got fed up and arranged to get her son threatened by a group of boys (I'm not proud, but his back was against the wall).

I think you're feeling like me back then. There's something vaguely hostile in the exchanges, but it's not more than a glance here or a word there that's making you feel uneasy. And that one-upmanship incident like you described that keeps repeating. Makes you feel like your kid is a moving benchmark for them to beat. That was how it was for us. What saved us was the complete cut off in contact because my son pissed her off, whew. I found that it made me edgy to be around her, and I started to feel competitive too, which was the last thing I wanted!!

Looking back, I'm so glad that we managed to disengage.

Yes, blob. I think you are right. And wow, sounds like your situation really got intense.

I am feeling the "pressure" because I have to deal with them so often. Unfortuntely, they live very very close and it's sort of a free for all with kids coming over to play as soon as they are "released" from her schooling. It's a very hard situation because honestly, I feel like her kids want to be at our house to get a break. Really we are the only ones in the neighborhood they are welcome to play with (and allowed to play with.) The Mom is always so perplexed as to why they never want to play at her house...lol.

So it's very tough but something does need to change. I am tired of the dynamic that has developed. And agree, usually what others do is their business but this has sort of spilled over into our life and needs to change. I am very anti-social so this is really the only family we even chat with (which probably contributes to my frustrations.)