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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 33
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 33 |
My DD is about to turn 5 (in May). She currently attends a preschool/daycare program, which is mainly play-based, or for her it is about socialization and playing with others. They do "academics" but it is stuff that she already knows (letters, numbers, opposites, etc.). Her class is made up of children just turning 4 and those turning 5. She has some articulation concerns for which she gets speech therapy through our county. I don't think that her teachers have a clue as to what she really can do. I think that they make judgments based on her difficulty with speech. I don't mind because she is having fun and enjoys going. Her preschool does have a more academic program, but it is in the afternoons, and I work in the mornings and pick her up before that program starts.
At home we work on reading and math concepts. She reads to me pretty much every day. She is not a "self-taught" reader, like many here, but she picked it up pretty easily through a couple of reading programs and internet programs. I try to do activities to stimulate her mind. If she wants to play on the computer, she usually has to do an "academic" game (Reading Eggs, IXL), before she can go to a "fun" site.
I had/have a learning disability, so we had her tested prior to starting kindergarten. Turns out she has a pretty solid IQ. We started working on reading as a way to make sure that she didn't struggle with reading, the way I did in school. I wanted to make sure that she gets has a solid foundation in phonics (which is often lacking in our schools).
So, am I really just hothousing my DD?
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,145
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,145 |
Does she enjoy the work? Or does she do it strictly to please you, like a trained poodle? Are you trying to be sure she doesn't fall behind average kids her age, or are you "pushing" to get her ahead, particularly with an eye on "getting into Harvard" or some other longterm goal that she may or may not share when the time comes? Do you take pleasure in showing off what she can do, regardless of how she feels about such performances? There's nothing wrong with teaching a child. There's nothing wrong with feeding a child's desire to learn. (I'm not even owning those statements as opinion. They're fact!) Personally, I define hothousing as teaching that has far more to do with a parent's ego than with the child's best interests. It doesn't sound like that's what you're doing. Agreed? FWIW, 99% of the time, if a parent cares enough to worry about hothousing, it's not hothousing. 
Kriston
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 33
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 33 |
Does she enjoy the work? Or does she do it strictly to please you, like a trained poodle? Are you trying to be sure she doesn't fall behind average kids her age, or are you "pushing" to get her ahead, particularly with an eye on "getting into Harvard" or some other longterm goal that she may or may not share when the time comes? Do you take pleasure in showing off what she can do, regardless of how she feels about such performances? There's nothing wrong with teaching a child. There's nothing wrong with feeding a child's desire to learn. (I'm not even owning those statements as opinion. They're fact!) Personally, I define hothousing as teaching that has far more to do with a parent's ego than with the child's best interests. It doesn't sound like that's what you're doing. Agreed? FWIW, 99% of the time, if a parent cares enough to worry about hothousing, it's not hothousing. She does enjoy learning and figuring things out. And we do things based on her interests. I am proud of what she can do, but I am not one to "brag" about it. I really don't think that many people know what she can do, although they get a glimpse of it because she is constantly asking questions and talks non-stop. I usually turn her questions into teachable moments and go from there.
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 33
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 33 |
I have a DS10 who I knew had an LD that was not yet diagnosed. He spelled his first word at 3, and was always asking if this word was spelled this way, but was not able to recognize any word in print until 5.
You better believe I worked with him to cross that bridge. I didn't want him to go to K and waste a year losing self esteem and failing to learn to read. I wanted to know for myself that it was possible for him to learn and I wanted to know exactly how to teach him. He actually went in as one of the better readers in the class and didn't get diagnosed until 3rd grade.
He's a phonetic learner and could read a lot of things phonetically by the time he went to K, maybe a first grade level reader?
I can say with certainty that he couldn't learn to read until he was ready. I watched him become ready, and taught him at the level he was ready for. With an LD, that doesn't necessarily happen as automatically as with another child where everything can come together for a result. LDs require that you accommodate so the LD won't hold them back. It's OK if it turns out your dd has no LD! That's good news, not a reason to feel like a hot houser.
It's not about pleasing the school. It's not about watching everyone else and doing what they do. This isn't a test that you can "cheat" on. It's about making sure that your child has a positive experience with learning. If I had not taught DS what I did, I am sure the experience would have been different.
I do regret one thing though. The school wanted the kids to know 20 out of 25 sight words by K (in addition to a bunch of other stuff he already knew). I drilled him until he knew them, which was not easy given that he had trouble recognizing words in print! I felt horrible doing it, knowing that it was not in keeping with his learning style, and knowing he wasn't ready, and I still feel guilty to this day that I could be so swayed by an authority like the school into giving up my good sense. It was a lesson that I have put to good use and have never repeated!
I hope that helps!
P.S. When we had him tested for K readiness by the school, they were pleased that he was doing well, had a good attitude, had been read to, etc. There was no scolding about having taught him anything, just praise for caring about his education. Yes, this is totally my thinking. I didn't want her entering school and struggling from day one. It is not that I want her ahead of everyone else, I just don't want her to struggle and hate school, like I did. And I agree that she learned to read when she was ready. I am just following her lead. Now that she is taking off, we continue to work together at her level.
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 529
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 529 |
If she wants to play on the computer, she usually has to do an "academic" game (Reading Eggs, IXL), before she can go to a "fun" site. I'd be cautious about setting academics and fun up as opposites. As for what you're doing, I don't see it as being all that different from putting your kid into an academic preschool. I guess what I'd ask is whether she is happy, well-rounded, and free from pressure. If she is, that's all that really matters. 
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 26
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 26 |
Like others said... the question is if she enjoys it or you push her. Hothousing is when parents sit their 3 month old in a baby chair and show them flash cards. Hothousing is when a toddler gets a bite of food when she points to the right letter. Hothousing is pushing it down their throats and using various methods to get them to do it. Here is a link where someone answers the same question... gifted children vs "hothousing" I understand your concern. I was really worried about the same thing. I finally learned to relax about it and go with my daughter's flow. (Right now I am homeschooling my DD. She is doing K and 1st grade work right now although she is only 3 yrs. BUT! It's what SHE wants to do.)
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 435
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 435 |
I think hothousing is really pushing a child. It is normal and natural for a mom to teach a child things so showing your child things and encouraging her to learn, esp. with the goal of easing her way through school are laudable endeavors if you ask me. I never used to sit down with my DD3.11 and
"work" on anything, but I recently bought a few workbooks and she flew through them. The reason I did them it to help her get used to doing paper work since her preschool will do a little bit next year even though it is a play based preschool whose academics are way behind where she is, and to also strengthen her hand muscles since the books require her to write things in them. We maybe sit down with the books once or twice a week for as long as she is in the mood to do them. I don't consider that hothousing because she likes it, we don't do it often, and the material is actually things she already knows for the most part and I am just getting her used to reading directions, circling things, etc. My DD won't put up with being forced to do things, and wouldn't perform like a trained poodle if I begged her to, so she wouldn't let me hothouse her even if tried!
Last edited by TwinkleToes; 04/06/10 03:10 AM.
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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 119
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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 119 |
I was worried about hothousing until I realized my dd was hothousing ME! I could only take so many "I WANT TO DO MATH!!!" meltdowns before math workbooks became an automatic part of our evening.
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 389
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 389 |
Personally I don't like the term "hothousing", since the definition is subject to personal opinion. And we all know how varied opinions can be.
Find out what works for you and your child and don't worry about the labels.
If your child is happy and interested in learning, then I would say you are doing fine.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 46
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 46 |
I was worried about hothousing until I realized my dd was hothousing ME! I could only take so many "I WANT TO DO MATH!!!" meltdowns before math workbooks became an automatic part of our evening. We have had the same situation. If doing math will stop the tears every night - then fine, we will do math! We met with a psychologist this weekend that specializes in young gifted children. He told us we should actually be doing more math with him. He explained to me that kids like this find this to be a form of play...and as long as he is having fun don't worry about pushing him. There is no doubt that our DS3 lets us know when he has had enough and then we stop.
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