Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums new, with a three year old -- experience anyone?

I am new, read several posts before I wrote.

My daugher is not yet 3.5 years old. Luckily we live in NYC. Last January we had her tested for Hollingworth, part of the application. She was a month past the birthdate cut off and despite being highly recommended after testing, they feel the emotional development at this age is more important.

Because the same tester does the Hunter SB test, we thought we would do the Hollingworth test again, so that she would see the same person a few times by the time she did the SB. She whipped through the test and we got some feedback. It is nice to have a highly gifted child because they are socialable, good achievers and with some acceleration seem to get challenged. You get a child who is more gifted and even at 3 you get behaviors that are confusing. Like word play, like getting bored with tasks becasue they are too easy. Things I did not expect.

And other issues. Despite being small for a 3, her ballet teacher wants her in the class with 4s & 5s. I went to Lucy Moses to get her into a Dalcroze class, they want her to take private piano lessons. They only had one other child her age take private instrument lessons. We are not ready for her to take private instrument lessons (it is actually a big commitment for us as it turns out).

She is not going to start doing derivative equations in her head, though she does sometimes do some math in her head. Usually she will do it by showing me five fingers, take away one and you get four. And she is not reading chapter books but she is reading. There are those moments that you turn and ask, "what did you say?" but mostly it is enjoying that fact that she is gifted.

But the behaviors that seem to be rearing their head: One, because she does get things quickly and sometimes the answer just pops into her head, she rushes. She rushes and gets bored if it doesn't interest her. Preschool television is big on repeating episodes. She can love a program but if she sees it a few times, she won't watch. But if they have a new episode, she will be glued.

Her capacity for information seems very high and she wants it.

Yesterday we were playing with the Little People zoo, she was the giraffe, I was the camel. She told me that her spine was longer and showed me tracing her finger down the giraffe's neck and back. Then pointed to the camel's neck and how his spine was short. How she knew 'spine', I do not know.

She doesn't have any syndromes or ADHD. She is very healthy. But she seems to need something, the challenge. I was troubled for 24 hours that perhaps she needed the piano lessons. And we decided to start in the fall. But it is hard for me to wrap around what she needs.

I know that someone wrote that they had bad experience with Montessori. We ended up at a Montessori and it is great for our DD3 (is that correct?). She can work in the math area. By November, she was using the numbers board up to 100, totally understood base 10. They have math tools that take them into 1000s of units. She is getting great discipline for work habits which we are doing at home. The teachers are working with me to help her take her time and check her work, even when she thinks it is easy.

Ren

Wren-

Your daughter sounds delightful. Grab a comfy chair and make yourself at home!

It's nice that the Montessori is working well for her. One of my PG kids had a preschool Montessori experience, and it was great for him initially. Just be aware that gifted kids needs can change rapidly, and you may find yourself shopping for a new educational situation before you expect!

Thanks. I think that is part of what we are experiencing. Maybe we should have considered Hollingworth again.

The advantage of living here is that we can expose her to so much. I have a subscription to the ballet for preschoolers, the Very Young People's concerts at the Philharmonic, we are going to Carnegie Hall to see Peter and the Wolf. Plus the ability to hit the museums. The advantage of learning about dinosaurs and seeing the bones regularly.

But that is what I was trying to understand. How did people supplement the preschool experience?

I guess my greatest fear, since hearing the psychologist, is that she doesn't get bad habits like I did. I am a product of 60s acceleration and enrichment. But I still didn't have to do homework. When I hit college, had to deal with a parent death, my bad habits hit home hard. I could slide through engineering, because of the math, but I didn't learn anything. I didn't develop a love of learning until much later. I liked doing math, but I didn't associate education and learning.

I see how eager she is to know things. I want to encourage that and develop her habit of sequential problem solving so she doesn't rely on the answers coming to her.

I do not know how I lost that. I know that I strongly retained the need to solve. But not to learn.

Hence, I am very eager to understand some of the things that work. I ordered both Miraca Gross' book and Ruf's book from the library. And I printed off Davidson' Advocating Exceptionally Gifted Young People. Any experience with that?

Ren

Ren-

Most of the folks here have kids that are older than yours, so we can relate to the young gifted child who craves stimulation. Are you asking if this interest in learning is normal for a "very" gifted 3 year old? Or do you want to hear how people have fed that need?

It really sounds to me like you are doing a great job of responding to your daughter's cues. IMHO, it's all about following the child's lead. Sometimes a gifted child will want more, more, more, and then go into a period of apparent dormancy when they process all that they have taken in or work on a different (maybe physical or social) sort of skill.

What "works" is going to be unique to each child and family. We happen to live in a rural community so there's not a lot of enrichment in terms of cultural experiences. We go to museums a few times a year, and maybe a children's theater production or two. It's a half hour ride to the closest mall. Our family spends much more time hanging out at the horse barn where my dd rides, tracking wildlife in our backyard, and playing board games. It's all that the kids know and they are happy and don't feel deprived. We're well known at all the local libraries and our homeschool group has a busy calendar.

Our environments are vastly different, but they both can meet the needs of our little ones. At age three, everything is new and exciting. I don't think it matters too much *what* they are learning, as long as you take time to discuss things and answer their questions. Three is actually a favorite age for me. My youngest is fast approaching three, and I am looking forward to it!

Hi Ren!
Welcome!
What does she like you to read to her? Any favorite books?
Smiles,
Grinity

Hi Wren and welcome! I have a DS who is 7 in 1st grade. I did not know he was GT until kindergarten. But intuitively knew he needed SOMETHING to wrap his mind around before kindergarten. He started piano (modified suzuki) the year before kindergarten. And for him, it has been really great. It is something he can move at his own pace, and really have to work at. And it's been great for his confidence level too. But it has been and continues to be a HUGE daily commitment. I consider it homeschooling 1 subject!

I also have a 3.5 year old daughter who is showing some signs of being gifted as well. She's begging for violin lessons now. I may also start her on something in the fall. I wish she'd beg for piano like her brother! It would be so much easier for me. But this one definitely has a mind of her own.

Anyway - enjoy your daughter! This is a fun and crazy age.

Thank you for the posts. It is great to just hear experiences, like Lorel's comment: "Sometimes a gifted child will want more, more, more, and then go into a period of apparent dormancy when they process all that they have taken in or work on a different (maybe physical or social) sort of skill."

Because you kind of question yourself when you get those head turning moments and then it is princess dolls and no puzzles. And you think that her calculating the number of blocks home was some sort of mistake on your part.

Kimck wrote about violin lessons: Our experience. One place does 3 year olds, but you have to take lessons also. Another place, highly regarded, said piano first, despite DD3 articulating clearly why she wanted violin. They hear the tune on the piano right away and it helps them play instruments better. After a year on piano, they can add/switch to violin.

We decided for the fall, because we just weren't committed to adding piano (2 lessons a week they said) right now.

I want to add about Montessori experience here. One, this particular Montessori school had 1/3 of their kids going on to kindergarten test for the gifted preschool 97 perentile or higher last year. Two (out of 11) got in. And all Montessori schools are not alike. And it boils down to teachers wherever you are.

I found out that Wila's comments about spines on the animals was due to a discussion at school about vertebrates and invertebrates.

I appreciate all comments. I read through the pre-K discussion. And it was interesting to hear people dealing with this without the resources I have. Wila will envy the rural story. We went to a "Dude Ranch" over New Years for a few days and it was hard to get her off the horse.

Ren

Here's a tip for our youngest gifted ones:
Watch out what she overhears, as she will likely remember what you don't want her to. On a hunch I banned TV and radio news, and the few times DH 'cheated' DS was filled with questions and worries and fears, well beyond his years... DH was usually pretty good because he understood the need, but his parents, bless them, just couldn't or wouldn't get the hang of it. I didn't want to interfere with his relationship with them, so I requested, and repeated myself, but mostly put up with it, and had to answer lots of questions later.

For DS the 'pet fear' is Global Warming. Whatever they told him in 1st grade made much more of an impression than they could have anticipated. It took me two years to figure it out.

Welcome,
Grinity

Here's another tip:

Be ready in public, when the well meaning strangers start to gush over you child's brains or beauty. It's much better to praise attributes that are develop-able such as persistience or curiosity, than to be praised for characteristics one has no control over.

So when a well-meaning person says "How beautiful" or "How smart!" is't best to do an "Agree-Deflect" such as "Yes, she loves to learn new things!" or "Yes, Isn't it nice to see healthy curiosity at work?" or "Yes, she's a very hard worker!" or "Yes, I think her kindness to others makes her very attractive!" It may sound canned, but I imagine you've already been in that uncomfortable situation. I think the worst is when we try to deny it altogether - which I did as well, out of some misplaced 'politeness.'

All these ideas are from Sylvia Rim's books, and I've used them over the years to good effect.

Welcome,
Grinity

We are trying hard. Because she is a little small, she has been reluctant to practice on her scooter. She said that she wanted to ride it to ballet last Saturday. It is only 3 blocks. She really practiced hard. Her legs are now just long enough to push and get away from the back wheels.

On the way home, she said she didn't want to ride. I told her we would have to wait here on the sidewalk until she did. She rode it home and even picked up both feet and glided for about a yard. And I praised her practice, over and over. Told her father when we got home and praised the practice. Because she really hates working at stuff when so much comes easily already.

Her writing is also seeing major improvement in our little sessions. She is even initiating her "homework" and practicing her writing and drawing skills. I have to remind her to slow down, breathe. It doesn't have to be down in a second.

Hard lesson for her and me.

Ren