Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school helping DD communicate more effectively

or at least helping her deal with frustration...


I seriously feel like I felt just before she started to be mobile (we had a lot of tears before she figured out crawling). DD's been so frustrated lately when it comes to communication. She has a decent vocabulary for her age (she had 30+ words not counting letters, numbers, and animal sounds at 12 months, I haven't counted recently). But she doesn't talk consistently now at 14 months.

Ever since she was pretty little she's gotten her point across through baby signing, pointing and occasionally using a word here and there but lately she's been wanting to communicate at a more sophisticated level but I don't think her body is ready for it yet! When she speaks her pronunciation is still pretty poor (I have the impression she's probably saying a lot more than we understand) and she's also getting frustrated because she can't do a lot of the baby signs due to her lacking fine motor skills. For example, she's currently OBSESSED with numbers and can sign 1,5,10. However, something like 2 would be too difficult for her because she can't move many of her fingers independently yet. And then she gets MAD. She threw a tantrum today because she saw the number 6 and wanted to be able to say it. She actually said it once but couldn't sign it or repeat it and then she got really upset!

DH was a late talker (went from no words to speaking fluently at 2 years old) and I did something similar but my parents don't remember at what age, although I *think* I at least had a few words first, but we're both gifted. So I'm not really expecting DD to necessarily start speaking soon. But I would like to help her somehow to avoid all these tantrums! We're also a bilingual family and she's had a lot of passive exposure to 2 other languages, so I'm sure that doesn't help.

Does anybody have any ideas? I mean we specifically are doing baby signing because we were anticipating that it might take longer for her to talk and she really likes it and does the signs that she can very often. But beyond that I'm not sure what else to do?

I get we're probably just entering into a tantrum stage. We've had so many puzzles thrown across the room lately if she can't get the piece in just right so I'm hoping this is just a stage that will end SOON?

Um... I feel your pain.

I really didn't know so much frustration could fit into so small a person before I met DS.

I'll keep looking in here in hopes someone has a good suggestion for you that I can steal

About dealing with frustration and heading off tantrums: the books etc. that talk about how important it is to acknowledge a child's feelings (separately from whether there's anything you can do to help) have always made a lot of sense to me. Here, where part of the problem is that your DD can't express her own feelings as well as she'd like, I expect it might be especially important. E.g. say explicitly, "I can see you're really frustrated that you can't get that last piece in." (And, the hard part, resist the temptation to follow that up with "but you will be able to when you're older" or similar - that's beside the point as far as she's concerned, she's frustrated *now*. If you want to remind her of that kind of thing, do it when she's not in the middle of the strong feelings.)

Beyond that, I don't know. You could consider using something like, PECS is it, the picture-based communication scheme that children with certain disabilities use; possibly if e.g. she often wants to ask for something she can't point to, letting her have a picture she can use instead to show what she wants might help. But I'm not sure (a) that that's a good idea (you wouldn't want it to be a substitute for her speech, and I'm not sure whether it might be (b) whether it would be relevant to many of your DD's frustrations. Maybe if there are specific signs she often wants to do and can't, it would work better to invent new signs that she can do?

8)

Before I quit to stay home with DS, I made those pictographs!

And for some stupid reason it never occurred to me to try them with DS.

<hand hits head>

I can't imagine it being any kind of serious problem with language development, it's not really any different from sign language, or even from using picture encyclopedias, and they recommend those to HELP with language development.

Man, I should make up a "baby bliss" book! That would be AWESOME! I'm already illustrating some kids books DH wrote.

----

OK, I dug up some stuff. I'll start trying some stuff this aft when he wakes up from his nap, I need to make a "diaper" one, though, prob don't have time now... grumble....

I'll report back in a week or so

We had huge trouble with DD around when she turned 1. She had huge tantrums all the time and was so unhappy with everything she did. Food did not stay on the spoon, stickers had a corner turned, legos did not co-operate etc. We started telling her that we understand she is upset but she can not do this as she or somebody else might get hurt. Eventually it helped but she is still very demanding for herself and clearly a perfectionist. I like the idea of the pictures.

I hate to say this but having verbal ability doesn't seem to help prevent tantrums around our house. Both girls are highly verbal yet tantrum prone because they hate not getting what they want when the want it and do not like to give in EVER. I can understand wanting her to be able to communicate more, but all you can really do is talk with her and do your best to respond to what she is trying to tell you and say it for her when you can't. Good luck.

I forget exactly what age it was, around 14 months maybe when DS had only a few words, that I spent a few hours and made a pictoral list of the songs on DSs favorite CDs and posted it on the wall near the CD player. He was always requesting particular songs, and would lose it because we couldn't understand which one he wanted to hear. That whole facet of life, which was a big part of our time then, got miraculously simple overnight with the hundred little pictures chart.

Around that time we also had a photo book of foods to point at, although it wasn't much used because he generally wanted only about 3 items and had signs for those and more and all done.

Polly

PS. I don't think DS would have talked sooner had we not used a lot of pictures and signs. He seemed to have genuine trouble articulating what he wanted to say before the thought was over and the next one started, or before he became too frustrated with himself to continue. I noticed when he was loopy and sleepy he would talk a lot better than during the majority of the day when he was awake and self-aware, the self-awareness seemed to make it all much harder. He still sometimes has trouble but can always at least get his point across, so no more tears from communication issues.

I agree with ColinsMum on acknowledging the frustration. Our nervous systems are still so young and primitive before the age of 3, emotional regulation is pretty difficult.

Good luck, she sounds like an amazing little girl.

Thanks everyone! Yes, I really do try and make a point to acknowledge her frustrations so that she learns the words to respond to them. I'm just hoping this phase ends soon! And sometimes it is her getting upset because she wants something she can't have (like my kindle!).

It's funny you guys mentioned the picture thing. She actually initialized something like that on her own awhile back. For instance, once she was pointing at some rubber duckies in a book when she wanted to take a bath (we always sing that song in the bath). It took me a little bit to figure out what she meant but it was pretty cool.

Oh, and I think the articulation thing is also an issue. The sounds she can make she does well and says confidentially but I think there are a lot of sounds she just can't make yet.