Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Grinity Needs Advice ((Long))

Hi Grinity,

I'm still not getting if he goes right to 9th grade next near at public. If so that sounds better than going to 8th next year and then moving to high school, although, it actually might work out better socially since he has that group of friends there.

It's a tought call and you'll never really know if you made the right decision either way. IRL, when working on a project, book, etc, you have a deadline, you meet it and get immediate feedback. You get annual reviews, semi-annual reviews to track your progress, ect. Parenting is so hard because any feedback you get on your parenting success never seems to be concrete. You basically don't find out whether or not you are truly successful until the kid is mid-20's 30's and if you messed it up, too bad, so sad; you can't do anything about it!!!

With that said, If whatever decision you/DS makes doesn't work out, you can always re-group and make another one. I've found when making these decisions that sometimes things become available later that I had never even thought of at the time I was making a decision.
DD7 fits DS's profile in a way and I stuggle with some of the things you are. All the evidence suggests she should be skipped. However, she is unusually mature and says she doesn't want to do it. That is the ONLY reason we are not pursuing it at this point. It's a decision based on gut feeling only, totally contrary to the research.
But, something is telling me not to push it unless she's onboard. I'm investigating homeschool, and we have checked out some homeschool groups. Again, we won't pursue it, unless she is saying it's what she would like to do. This doesn't mean at some point in the future, something else problematic might arise and DH and I would decide we had to take action, no matter how she felt about it..........but right now..........we are following her lead. Right or wrong.

I

I'm unusually quiet, but that's because I'm thinking. (Unusual for me, I know!)

I'll get back to you...

Ha ha ha ha, Kriston,

You're making a funny, right?!?!?!?

I

Incog,
I'm sorry that I've forgotten, but is subject acceleration a possibility for your DD7? That seems to be a somewhat safe way to test the waters of a full grade skip, and there are usually a few others who have the readiness to go with her - so she doesn't have to chicken dance alone.

Where we are 6-8th is Middle School. 9-12 is High School in a different building. He's currently doing 7th grade, age 11. You hit the nail on the head, that if he doesn't make the switch this September, he will have to wait a full year for his buddies to make the shift. If he makes the shift sooner, he can be in ths same building with them for a year, while hopefully making friends in his grade to go with him to High School.

Kriston ((giggle)) You always are thinking, this is just a different kind of thinking.

Grin

It sounds like this scenario is what you both feel more comfy with? It sounds really good to me.

For DD7 there is no easy answer. There are a lot of politics at play for any special services in the district.
I absolutely think they are subject accelerating a group of a few agemates under the guise of enrichment. However, it is in an isolated classroom, not with the next grade students. The other kids have a different enrichment schedule.
The real question: Are they just putting lipstick on a pig?
remains to be seen!!!!!

Keep talking through your situation, you will find the right path.

Grasshppper
p.s.- please forgive my typos, i'm super tired today!

"Lipstick on a pig" made me giggle!

Still thinking...Smell something burning?

Here's my two cents for Incog and Grin:

I vote for doing what your kids are asking for, but perhaps with a little negotiating to make sure you get what you want, too. I really think that learning to manage social relationships is as essential a part of growing up as academics. In fact, as adults, more people are successful and happy because of their social skills than their academic skills (that's my experience, at least). Your kids are telling you very clearly what they want, and feel that they need, socially. It seems to me that their arguments are well-founded. Even if it doesn't turn out well, they will benefit from the opportunity to try it and see. We learn from both mistakes and successes. And having our parents honor our perceptions and experiences is valuable.

If the worry is that their academics are going to suffer, then come up with a plan to make sure that they get academic challenge somewhere else. You can even say, OK, we'll do it your way, but what are you willing to do outside of class to make sure you are continuing to learn? Maybe a language, an academic contest, working independently on a project... It seems like a fair trade and my guess is that the kids will jump at it. They like to learn, after all.

What ACS said. She read my mind....

This passage of your original post is what's standing out most to me. The real crux of the issue seems to me to be--far more than the academics--how realistic your DS is about his potential social life at each of the two schools.

Am I reading that right? Or is the academic level of public school of concern as well?

If I am reading you right, then I think it is your duty to make him as sure as he can be that he's not experiencing selective memory about public school.

(BTW, I just typo'd "pubic school," which would be a whole different problem!)

Anyway, poke him and prod him and make sure he's sure...but if the social scene is really the big issue, then I think you do, ultimately, have to let him decide. He is the one who has to survive his social life.

If he chooses public school, then I'd start scoping out kids from public school who are in the grade he'll be joining next year. Anything to grease those social wheels.

Now I'm going to re-re-read your later posts to be sure I didn't miss some vital point...

I don't think I missed anything vital.

I don't think the number of kids in each school matters if it doesn't matter to your DS. I'd raise the point with him, as I'm sure you've done. But if he's thought it through, then I think you respect his wishes and let him live with the consequences. (Within reason. Misery is not okay, even if it's the result of a kid's own bad decision.)