Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums GT Research The dark side

I don't even know where to begin, but I'm looking for a little help/advice/understanding?

I have a beautiful DD7, tall, blonde big lovely eyes. She looks like the typical suburban american child.
She is so sweet, so kind to others.
I remember her tester emphasizing to us that we should keep things as normal as possible when he talked to us about her test results.
We've certainaly always attempted to do this even before we knew her "score".
It's pretty late and she should be asleep, but when I walked by her room, she was still awake.
She should have been asleep long ago, dreaming about her upcoming Webkinz birthday party, a trip to American Girl and the DDR for Wii she wants for a gift.
However, what's keeping her up this night is worries about clones?!?!?!
I don't know whether to laugh of cry!
I'm not even sure where she picked up info on this subject. She clearly has picked up enough to have a basic understanding of what it is and is worried about the implications.
Is this an alternative universe I live in? I have such a visceral feeling to all of this.......not even sure how to describe...
Honestly, I'm seeking a bit of support and comraderie right now...Thanks.
Incog

Oh, incog! How distressing! How did you handle it?

BTW, I really think "normal" is a rather ridiculous suggestion to make to the mom of one of these kids. I'm sorry, but you've done YOUR part in keeping things "normal." I think that tester should be thwacked soundly about the head and shoulders with a wet noodle!

This isn't something you caused, and short of reassuring her and helping her to understand cloning as much as she needs to to get past it, you can't do anything about it.

This *IS* normal for her! It's hard on you, I know, but it's okay.

Hi Incognito,

My DD7 is currently obsessed with DNA, sperm, eggs and how they all intermingle in making babies.

I will take cloning any day!!!

Hi Kriston,

BTW, so comforting to see a friendly face online at this time of night.
I don't think the tester was being judgemental, just realistic. Tonight's incident really kind of drives this home for me.
How did I handle it? I explained a little more about the cloning process, ie Humans haven't been cloned yet and there is no evidence to support that this is something that is even possible currently. Then I sang her a lullaby while holding her hand and she fell asleep with a smile on her cute little face.
She was actually worried about human cloning and how to tell the difference between a real person and a cloned one.
Now, I know this seems kind of funny, but she is 7. The mom side of me says: "why on earth does this child need to worry about this?"
Um, then I cried, then I came online because I knew someone out there would get it.
Thank goodness for cyberconnections!

Thanks Kriston,
Incog

Hi Bianca,

We've been there too!!!!!! I like when they are interested in learning, I don't do so well when their intellect is too far ahead of their developemental ability to put these things in perspective.
Cloning is kind of creepy anyway!!!!!!!!!

Incog

Glad to help. Been there, done that. Well, not with cloning, but with other stuff.

It sounds like you did a great job of handling her fears and making her feel better. I hope you patted yourself on the back after you cried and got online. You deserve a great big "good mom" hug! (((hug)))

I'm sure you're right about the tester, but I still think "normal" is topsy-turvy when it comes to these kids. I guess it just seems unfair that someone would even *suggest* that you strive for "normal," when these kids just aren't like that. Give them a good, fun childhood? Yes, absolutely. Try to encourage them to socialize in healthy fashions with peers that are appropriate to their needs? Yup, I'm on board. Give them a loving, stable family and whenever possible try to avoid introducing them to topics that will frighten them? I'm still with you.

But "normal"? Nope. That's just flat impossible. Something not-normal is going to spring forth from their overactive imaginations, no matter how hard you work to keep them ensconced in their happy childhood. It just does. It's how they're hard-wired, and there's very little you can do about it, beyond what you did.

Your DD is normal, and she's having a very normal life for an HG+ kid. You're doing a good job. Honest!

(And BTW, I'd almost guarantee that this evening was more traumatic long-term for you than it was for her. She'll be okay!)

So, incog, sleep tight! Don't let the bed-clones nibble!

We've had tons of these conversations. The best things I've done a) tell him all the crazy things I used to obsess about and keep my mother awake over when I was young. b) tell him all the crazy things I still worry about. He laughs about a and b. And c) I tell him that he's just really smart and with a brain like his (and mine) worrying about stuff is part of the package and he, like me, will learn strategies to make peace with his brain.

That, I guessm, is keeping it normal. Our normal.

Hi incogneato,

Sorry I thought this was funny. I guess I didn't realize your daughter was actually concerned about cloning.

My dd dreams of becoming a scientist and cloning herself so she can have an identical twin (my sister has twin girls and she thinks is the coolest thing in the world!!). We have had some lively (and funny) conversations about this, although in reality and more seriously I wouldn't like to see humans cloned (It is more of a gray area for me when it comes to stem cell research to cure diseases; but genetic engineering/cloning to product the perfect baby, that is creeeepy...)

Sometimes our children sound so adult that it is very hard to remember they are only kids. It is very hard to juggle their need to be taken seriously while trying to keep their innocence by trying to make light of such serious and deep subjects.

A few weeks ago, I was shopping when my cell phone rang. It was my dd insisting I tell her the truth about the tooth fairy. It seems that she was looking for something in one of my drawers and found a stash of her baby teeth. She told me I had "one last chance" to tell her the truth about me being the tooth fairy. My daughter is old enough to stop believing in the tooth fairy, but she takes such delight in the long letters she receives from the tooth fairy every time she looses a tooth (telling her how all her favority fairy friends are doing -- she has three fairies that have been her friends since she was two ---, about the grand ball they just had, their great adventures, etc) that I am really sad to see this end.

Anyway, when I got this phone call, I reminded her of one of her favorite phrases from her favorite writer, Roald Dahl "THOSE WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN MAGIC WILL NEVER FIND IT" She chose to keep believing, at least for a while longer....

This year she "forgot" to send Santa a letter. I kept reminding her every other day but she never "found" the time. Well, Santa came anyway. He left her a letter explaining how he wasn't sure what she wanted as he had never received her letter. He left her a lovely hello kitty sewing machine (my daughter is the next Martha Stewart) with the hope that Mrs. Santa had been right in guessing what she would like. Turns out my daughter had been "secretly" wishing for a sewing machine and was testing Santa's existence. Either my daughter is a great actress or Santa passed the test.

Anyway, my point in all this rambling is remind you to enjoy your daughter's uniqueness. Being "normal" is over rated. This Christmas we brought color baguels to my dd class prior to their winter concert (red, green, and regular baguels). One of the kids said he wanted a "normal" baguel. Another kid quickly added that the color baguels were not "abnormal", they were just different. Cheers to all of our red and green baguels. They bring spice to an otherwise plain assortment.

No worries!!! I appreciate all the feedback. I know this is normal for her, just feeling the "weight" of it last night.
It helps "normalize" it for me a little more hearing about other's experiences.
Thanks!

Incog