Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy can DYS break thru a wall of misunderstanding?

My FC told me that in general (and this IS a generalization! Some private schools are fab, of course!) it is easier to advocate with public schools than private because public schools are required to work for all kids. Private ones are a business, and they are well within their rights to say "This is the product we sell: take it or leave it."

In a bad economy, with a school that isn't full, you might have better luck negotiating with a reluctant private school. But if they have a wait list, there's no real impetus for them to serve your child's needs.

I have to admit, from what you're saying, onthegomom, I'm afraid I'm hearing the principal saying, "We're not going to serve your child's needs. Now leave me alone."

(That doesn't mean that you *should* leave her alone. Only that that's what she's saying.)

Thanks Kriston, you seem to really understand this well.

Our schools enrollment is down this year.

I'm gonna try and leave Principal and the teachers alone until DYS activates or EXPLORE results. I think I need to let some frustration cool down before I can make more progress.

I told her DS was insulted by the work he was doing. I think she really heard this because she questioned me about it. I translated insulted into DS's words.

OTGMom,

I hope my comments didn't scare you. I was just sharing the situation we're in with our particular parochial school. I hear it from folks with kids in other parochial schools in my area, too. Enrollment is down, but the schools are still very hesitant to offer accommodations, citing lack of resources. My impression in dealing with our particular principal is she sees any accommodation as a slippery slope -- "if we offer your DS something, what will everyone else expect?" It sounds like your principal is at least willing to discuss the possibilities.

For us, parochial school is really our only option at the moment (we'd have to move to consider a public school and can't afford the private schools or homeschooling), so we're between a rock and a hard place. We're doing our best to make it an acceptable situation.

Best of luck!

Mama22Gs,

I appreciate you sharing your experience. Don't worry you didn't scare me. It actually might be a good thing if we got kicked out then DH would have to agree to a change. Ok I'm only half kidding. I want to leave by choice if the time comes.

I'm trying to do most of this quietly for the reason of people lining up to get their share. One lucky thing for me is DS is the very top student in his grade so that should help.

OTGMom,


I think the point you are at is to take a step back, gather as much info on your child (IQ testing, Explore results, portfolio, DYS) and then approach the school with all of this. If math is your #1 priority, have a solid plan in mind and a willingness to compromise. If your ultimate goal is +2 years subject acceleration, be willing to go for +1 for a few months and then re-evaluate. Some acceleration is better than nothing and it can lead to further acceleration in the future.

I know it's hard to wait and difficult to see your child in a bad situation (BTDT) but contacting the school too often will make everyone there defensive or misunderstand your purpose. I also found that having one meeting with all the parties (principal, teachers, GT teacher etc.) is more productive than several phone calls, e-mails and notes back and forth. Let your child know that you are working on a solution so he can maybe tolerate the situation a bit better.

I hope things start moving forward soon!

Jen

Sometimes those strongly descriptive words hit home. Grinity says a well-timed and honest cry (on either the part of the child or the parent) can work to convey the seriousness of the problem, too. I guess it depends on how frustrated you are and what sort of personality your principal has.

Kriston-

If you knew me you'd wonder why I haven't cry infront of the principal already. Maybe I'll give myself permission to let go sometime. I think she is kind and just doesn't understand. Although, I'm frustrated sometimes people need to hear something many time to accept it so maybe I've paved the way. Or then again maybe not. Time will tell.

This is the only place I have to vent all this. DH does not want to hear this, except for a little here and there. Friends don't really get this. thanks for all your help.



I see the point to having all these people because then they can let everyone know the reality of their part,(like how a subject is taught). I think what was hard about this is there is so much input that all our time is used up and we go around in circles. I need to learn how to set and meet an agenda and be more productive. The principal is also friendly and chatty as is my husband.

I'm trying not to tell my son too much right now. GT teacher overloaded him with Math work(later cut in 1/2)and he turned into AHDA kid again at school briefly. Now, he has trust issue, thinking challenge = more work.

I have told my kids I'm researching how children learning. I'm just trying to keep him talking to me about his days and frustrations.

DYS can approach the school in a non-emotional, professional to professional way.

When does your school do standardized testing? Aren't they going to want your kid's scores, especially in these challenging economic times?

By having a DYS student enrolled in their school they are essentially getting the opportunity for free professional development.

I never thought of the Test scores or free service to the school. That's a great benefit if they are open to it. As bad as it sounds with our school some of what they have said to me gives me a little hope. The principal said they are willing to learn something. She is a new principal and feels more progressive than Our last year principal.

Again, the "fit" approach rather than the "brute intelligence" approach can help diffuse some folks' reactions. Good Luck!