Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy can DYS break thru a wall of misunderstanding?

I spoke with DS9's principal yesterday trying to make some progress in advocacy. I thought I will just talk to her and try to clarify some things before I get my first DYS FC conversation so I know wht to work on.

I wanted to see what would help the school understanding DS's needs and possibally what options she might be open to- online course, pretesting, ect. Then I could proceed with researching and presenting options. I told her maybe I just have not explained the situation well enough. She said I have had frequent communications with the school and we have gone over all of this. I think the teachers are very caring and would help if it's not too hard.

What is the point of researching online courses if they would only find a different text book acceptable? It seems like we just kept going round in circles. It seemed like so much of the time was trying to clarify what the other is saying we didn't get anywhere. At one point in the conversation, she say oh I thought he was a 120 IQ kid. I said there is a big difference in ability between 120 and 140 and they have different needs. But this is really about challenging him with appropraite work not a number.

On two occassions the school has said to me we have never had anybody else like this here. The principal even said she was willing to learn something new but she could not make it perfect. This sounds good. But it does not seem like she means what she is saying. They act like they understand his needs/ability but I don't agree. During our converstation, I tried very hard to clarify what the school would want to help them understand his needs. Will they relate to the EXPLORE? Somehow again, we circled and I was without an anwser. The principal said she has experience with gifted but I don't think she has the right experience to understand. I didn't get my objectives covered.

Do you think it's possible to break thru this wall of not understanding with DYS? The school has been flexible in giving some accommidations, with some thoughtful considerations but it is clear this is not their area of expertise. The Principal said, "she doesn't know what else she can do for me, we need to move on and the teachers are already streching them selves with DS. I feel like I didn't get anywhere and infact made it worse. Principal will talk to GT and teacher again and let them know my concerns. I think this will only make them feel less appreciated.

onthegomom,
I don't see any advantage in advocating directly with the school until you have talked to FC and had them contact the school. I know its hard to wait! We had our first FC phone call in Dec. Things are starting to be implemented now - granted stuff I suggested months earlier, but now that our FC is suggesting it... Whatever, I'm just glad its happening.
Chrys

Thank you for the encouragement. If we can get a few changes I think it would be best for our family to stay in this school. Socially DS has made big improvement this year. I'm going to try and focus on what to do for him in the summer and look into other schools just incase this doesn't work.

Rather than trying to persuade, have you tried asking "What else CAN you do for him?" I'm wondering if you might have to move them by degrees, and seeing what they think is the limit of possible might get you further than trying to explain your position.

This is not my area of expertise, granted...

I agree they need baby steps. I agree approach is important. I'm trying to be nice an polite.

Maybe I'm reading the situation wrong but it seems like they don't know what else to do and I can't get to that conversation because they say they are meeting his needs. I keep thinking if they would only understand they would help because they are caring people. Principal says school has already extended themselves. I need to keep quiet with the school and wait for EXPLORE and DYS to activate.

I do think Principal is intimidated by the situation and DYS. She said she is not scared about receiving a letter from them. When she told me she was willing to learn some things. I told her I'm learning and that's ok. I said I do believe the school is expert(a little imbellished)at their job but DYS would be the specialist in my son's situation.

I talked with a Mom from school(who is teacher at another school) and she is in similiar unchallenged situation and feels the school with do nothing. I'm getting the idea being underchallenged is common in this school. I know 2 families who have left. I'm not seeking these people out. Maybe this is more previlent in children of parents who are involved in school.

I just want to prepare you that some schools just won't move on their stance. If I remember correctly you are dealing with a private school that doesn't have to play by the same rules as a public school might. What a public school would have to do will depend on your state laws. (I can't remember what you have said about your state, sorry.) They may not be willing to do more, or expect their teachers to do more.

Our state has some mandates, but we want to avoid our public school. Principal told me those rights are waved. What they have done here at current school is just extra. If the school is not the right situation then that is our decision. We are in a parochial school.

OTGMom, our DSs also attend parochial school. I got the "we're very good at teaching the kids in the middle -- if your DS needs special attention, we don't have the resources so maybe you should go elsewhere...." answer in K and 1st. This year, I made some small headway by dealing directly with the resource teachers. It is a very difficult situation if your principal is not open to change as they don't HAVE TO accommodate you. I've worried that if we did apply to DYS, got accepted, and received advocate assistance, we'd just be in a pickle, because the school could very easily say that we should leave because they can't provide accommodations. I think it's a tight line to walk.

Best of luck with it!

Are you saying they will kick you out if they find you beyond accomodations? like a special need person, we just can't deal with that here.

No, I don't think they'd kick us out. DH& I worry that we'd hit a wall with them in our efforts to make continual small improvements. In other words, we worry they might say, "if he's THAT smart, we aren't the right place for you...."

Make sense?